Would you move a child at 14 to do GCSEs?

[pansyflimflam]

Ok here is the plan. We are moving and our now 11 years old DD will be going to a Steiner school with her younger sister in a rural area. We are having a major change os life, as my DH says, he has 'climbed the greasy pole and doesn't like the view'. So more rural, some horses and a massive slow down. DD currently goes to a good school in our area but in Year 7 so far has been bullied (although the school dealt with it brilliantly) and has seen hardcore porn on a fellow 11 year olds phone!!!!!!!!!!!!! There are other reason for moving, her younger sister needs a more arty, slower education so hence the Steiner choice.

The problem is that the school of choice (near the job etc) only goes up to 14 years so my older DD would have to transefer to one of two )good to outstanding) secondaries......

I read this today in the Daily Mail

www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-2293348/Teenage-girls-heading-emotional-meltdown-pressure-sexually-active-excel-academically.html

It really echoes everything I feel about the way things are going for young women. Although it confirms what I believe I am also a bit more nervous about moving her at a crucial stage. My belief is that she would benefit from 3 years in Steiner and it would give her the confidence to get through, she is already 'going her own way' re. peer pressure and all.

My younger DD will def go to Steiner, there is no choice for her but I am wondering whether I should put older DD straight into the school she will be doing her GCSEs in.

They also do Baccaulaureat there which is exciting as not sure GCSEs per se are they way to go for her

Well having looked at that article I think you are panicking over sensationalism. When I was a teen years ago we were all anxious over impending nuclear war. We had comments from other pupils on looks, and two girls took pity on me at 14 as I was according to them "on the shelf".

From my teenagers, I think the pressures are different but not especially worse.

I would also suggest you really do your homework on Steiner schools and don't just fall for the spin. Especially how well your DDs will break into a long established group.

OP you need to check with the school that they don't start their GCSE/Bac sylabus before year 10.

Many schools (both my DC's schools) beagn certain courses at the beginning of year 9. In particular triple science.

TBH I have done my HW re. Steiner, it is what we need. We have three other children as well as these two and it is the right choice for us. I forgot that Steiner's name is mud on here!!!

No the article has not made me panic it was already there but I have to disagree with the pressures on young people particularly young girls being more than when I was young (I am 43). It is a whole different ballgame nowadays although we really really restrict internet stuff and absolutely no social networking crap.

I want to be clear that the article has not prompted this, we have been planning for a long time. The article in fact made me think about if I am crazy trying to move her at a crucial stage (our other DD will be home edded). Whether I need to toughen her up (which makes my heart bleed) or let her have another couple of years less academic and more quietly.

Wordfactory, yes thank you for that. That is the sort of stuff I need to know as I hve never had a child this old before......................

How do I not know these things? [dim] I will call them and find out but actually will be a bit gutted for her as I wanted her to have some time with her sister too

One thing you may not have thought of - if you are moving to a very rural area, you may find that the local secondaries are rather different to those in a city.

Certainly if you were moving near the Steiner over this way, I would say that the Steiner dc are probably more 'worldly' than the yr 7/8s in the local secondary simply because there is a smaller proportion of farm children and more middle class incomers. That's no criticism of them, they are lovely kids, but I'm pretty sure you'd find more of them on facebook/glued to their mobiles et al.

So I suppose what I'm saying is that if you're concerned that two moves in 3 years will be stressful for your dd, then maybe have a visit of the local secondaries, see if you can meet some of the pupils, and you may feel that you'd be happy for her to go straight in there.

In response to the Daily Mail I would suggest this article: www.guardian.co.uk/society/2013/mar/11/sexualisation-young-girls-myth-or-reality?INTCMP=SRCH

It argues that people panic over young girls and sexuality while it's not actually particularly worse than it was in the past. That fits with my experience so far, I have 3 girls in this age group. They and their friends are not mostly very sexually aware or exhibiting precocious behaviour. Similar to my school days, a while ago now. Some young girls did tend towards the over-sexualised behaviour and image. Many others like me and my friends studied, went to nice school activities and worthy youth groups and managed not to go off the rails. And that's what I see around me now among the girls I know. They are mostly pretty fine.

My feeling is that as a family we need to do something different with our lives. I am not happy about the ways things are going. The Steiner children I know are not glued to facebook - far from it! Admittedly they don't go to this particular school and certainly not sure that there is a correlation between the middle classes ad social media. And not looking for 'farm children' whatever they are!

I have lived in the country nearly all my life, just moved to a small town about a year ago and hate it (dogshit and litter!!!!) so just going back to my roots. I feel like I am not living in my life iykwim....

You know that phrase that i might have made up if you always do what you've always done then you will always get what you always got!

Seriously I am not having a moral panic but I am not happy about my own young daughters experience so far. She seriously goes to a nice school and has already been exposed to things that cannot be taken back. She and her friend in her class are two of only three in their form that are not on facebook.. they are freaks!!! (thankfully dd has embraced the inner freak!)

I will call the schools on Monday and take their advice on ow the curriculum is delivered because I genuinely had no idea about things starting in the pervious year to,options!!! In my defence I am old and did O Levels!

Personally I would not take the risk of moving a child just before their GCSE years. However they have coped before, you will have no idea how long it will take to settle into a new school. I would not want them to still be settling when they start studying for GCSEs.

In my DCs school they also choose some of their GCSE options in year 8.

All schools are different, and just because it is a Steiner School that is no guarantee that the kids are better than anywhere else. A friend of mine sent her kids to a Steiner School because of concerns about poor behaviour and bullying. But once there she realized that the issues were very similar to that in the local state school that she had rejected. The only difference was that whilst the state school was open and vigilant about the issues, the Steiner School denied it existed.

Crikey Year 8!!! oh dear!! that makes me quite sad to be honest, that is very young...

No one is suggesting that any school of any type is a guarantee of anything at all. They are all run by and attended by human beings and that brings in a lot of variables. This Steiner School is the right place for us. The Steiner philosophy is implemented in different settings in different ways, we like the way it is done in this place. For DD2 it is absolutely the right place as she needs gentle handling. It might be a bit too dreamy for my sons, we shall see when we get there, it is not suitable for all children. I think a few years in kindergarten for them all will be the thing but we shall see who they are and what they need nearer the time. My DD2 is a delicate little thing and needs the shelter this school offers.

I am going to look in the BAC thing too as I really have no clue about this, it does sound interesting in theory but I need to look at how it is implemented and how it all works and what it would mean for DD1

OP find out when they start working towards the BAC. What subjects it includes and what level they need to be at upon entry.

Most state schools main intake is year 7, so they probably spend that year assessing ability/attainment etc, then start gearing up in year 8.

The thing with DD1 is she is dyslexic and dyspraxic but you know, not enough to get statemented but having something where other qualities are valued would be good - like in the BAC. But yes I will call and ask and see what we can do. I was just hoping to give her a bit of less academic stuff for a couple of years really but I would not do that at her expense. Despite her difficulties with writing she is a remarkable clever young girl and given the right environment could do very well. She is very thoughtful, entrepreneurial and has a big heart (not things one can gain a GCSE in!) so we shall see. She is too bright not to have an academic education (of sorts) and I do not feel confident to Home Ed her post 14. My other DD needs something completely different: she needs to learn how to live, how to make art, how to bake etc so I feel confident I could deal with her needs post 14.

Thank God I posted here I had no idea about picking options so early on! Thank you all for you help

The one of my points you ignored, is that Steiner children tend to be in the same class from 7 or younger all the way through. So it could be hard for any new child to become part of the group.

I also repeat that my DCs commuter town school is less sexualised than my own "inner city " one 20+ years ago. Really not all 16 year odds are sexually active.

If you want to do HE do explore that, it's not that hard, I know several friends who have educated their children to 16, and gone on to good universities.

Sorry to pick up on a minor point but there's none of dd2's friends who would call the IB that they're doing 'exciting'. Maybe it is in the middle years but at 6th form it's graft, just like the A-levels/Extended Project combo.

I wouldn't buy a mascara based on a Daily Mail article. Go and look at the schools, ask around, form your own judgement.

I didn't click on the link by the way just saw the name.

Hope the new life works out well for you.

Apologies I didn't mean to ignore your point. Agreed they can be tight groups but not a lot I can do about that but hope that she is welcomed. It is all we can hope for I think. We will do all we can to integrate ourselves as a family into the community at school and give it our best shot.

At no point did I suggest that all 16 year olds were sexually active!!! Not sure where that came from? (might have ignored this because it is irrelevant...) I am merely talking about where we are now and where we wish to go not trying to impose generalisations - just talking about my experience and genuinely how shocked I am that in a naice area in a 'good' school that 11 year olds have mobiles in school, in class that have hardcore pron on them. It may be that this has not happened to anyone else but it has happened here to us! I am a bit shocked and saddened that phones are allowed on in school, I would like our school to make a stance on this but it wont happen so ho hum!

I will be looking into HE generally for DD2 but like I said not entirely confident about teaching DD1 at that age - prepared to be wrong of course but I have four children younger than her and I feel it might be a hard balance to strike. I am not writing it off but it does bear some serious research. You may be right that it is not too bad, I do know people that have done it and successfully but none of them have had 5 children, a child with special needs and three toddlers. With the best will in the world I feel like I would be biting off more than I could chew. We shall see in a couple of years when the little ones are older, I might feel completely differently.

I cited the original article because it says about the careful handling required for girls at around the age I intended to move DD - despite agreeing with the sentiment of the piece it actually make me think twice about the timings.

It is not based on a Daily Mail article, I actually really respect two of the Psychologists cited in that article. Have a look it is an interesting take on things.

And did I say exciting??? re. the Bac? not sure I did... can't be arsed to check. Interesting maybe, not suggesting it is not hard graft but on paper it looks a bit more 'rounded'? Might not work for DD1 but it bears scrutiny I think.

nfk - thanks, we intend to make the most of it, we are fortunate that we have that mobility and can go in the first place. We need to slow down, my dcs need to spend more time with their Father (currently he is out of the house 14 hours a day in London) and we need to enjoy life more.

Technically we have a lovely life, house, enough money etc, we are very fortunate but I am unhappy about the education our children are in and fed up with litter and dogshit!!!!!!

I am aware that the passage of time with the dcs is very quick and I and DH want to savour it.

Could you check with the Steiner school if they have any arrangements with local secondaries. Our local Steiner school goes up to 16, and then has agreed access to the local FE college. I double checked with the FE college, who had great things to say about their Steiner cohort, re motivation, practical skills, and a level of maturity and self-knowledge.

I think also socially it would be a very tricky time to move and probably quite a culture shock. Don't assume all secondaries are the same regarding bullying and porn !

I agree with LIZS.
I moved at that age- it is just about the worst age for moving a DC IMO.