worried about DD in Y7

[bangwhizz]

There are 2 aspects to this really, which may or may not be connected.
First, are the problems making friends.The first term she had no problems friendshipwise. At the beginning of the second term A started making nasty comments looking at her and whispering to other girls.Everytime DD makes anew friend 'A' moves in and turns her against DD.This has happened several times and now DD has given up on trying because she says A will just come along and spoil it.Also A keeps teassing her about having no friends.DD is not showing A that she is sad because she hopes that if her bullying has no effect she will move on to an easier target.o
The second thing is that DD has had almost continual low level illness since she started .She looks white as a ghost and has one cold after another, swollen glands and she says she always feels sick and tired.I have taken her to te doctor twice, who thought she looked washed out and also was constipated.She is averge height , but about 25th centile for weight.She has got a defined bust and has now got hair under her arms whicjh i believe is the last sign of puberty.But no periods yet.
She eats well and does PE at school 3x a week and does gymnastics twice although a bit half heartedly.She has gone faint in school PE a couple of times over the last few weeks At the moment she has got a cold she has had since half term week and before that had had only a few days well since the last one.She is one of 5 children and I think sometimes she might feel a bit overlooked.

hi,
with the fainting, its worth checking shes not anaemic or has any problems with blood sugar dipping, particularly if its occurring during or after exercise and also whether shes drinking enough. If anaemic, which sounds possible with the paleness and constipation, encourage her to eat more green veg and more food with fibre (brown bread etc) or ask gp if an iron supplement might help.
Re the friendships, have a chat with her form tutor and also find out if there are lunch time clubs she could join to find like minded friends

Have you got a good GP someone who you think will take time to listen? My advise of you have one is to make an appointment to see him/her and both of you have a chat about hows she's feeling. I'm pretty sure she would benefit from some blood tests to just exclude anaemia etc. Secondly do you or your DH have an history of heart disease etc if yes do tell the doctor.
Having excluded any physical causes IME girls who "faint" in PE are doing this becasue they haven't eaten on a regular basis. For some reason I don't really understand children seem quite happy to miss out lunch. A girl who fainted in games the other months told me she'd eaten a good breakfast and then hadn't had time for either a mid morning snack lunch or a drink and then wondered why she'd keeled over when playing hockey in the afternoon. She looked very surprised when I told her that if you don't eat this is what happens. And of course lunch is often a meal that parents don't supervise and children want to do other things in their all too short lunch break.
Does she take a packed lunch or is she eating school food? Do you know if she's actually eating something? Has her weight always been on the 25th centile or has it dropped my DS's has always been on the 25th and his height on the 75th since he was a baby so no one is going to be concerned but is this new? Is she getting enough sleep?
With regard to the bullying speak to the head of year/pastoral care or someone in sufficient authority to address it. As she does quite a lot if PE at school I'm wondering if your at an independent school if yes do they have a nurse in some schools school nurses will also help address this problem.

Have you asked her about lunch? It may be that this girl who is trying to turn people against her is making your DD feel awkward at lunch time, maybe she is sitting alone and not eating much or not eating at all to get out of there quickly?

Also if she isn't eating enough or is feeling unwell for whatever reason these social difficulties will seem much worse and she will struggle to cope with them. It sounds as though she is doing all the right things - ignore, ignore, ignore but will feel stronger about the whole sitauation once she is 100% well.

Has your doctor considered glandular fever, a blood test would be needed to diagnose.

OP, is she taking packed lunch or is she having school dinners? At our school, the lunch queues were so horrendous (queue for whole break to get to the front!) so for a couple of years dd took in packed lunch. Also is she getting enough to drink? Personally I think this is huge issue at schools (particularly as they are very much discouraged from going to the loo during lesson time). I always ensure that dd takes a bottle of water into school. Your dd's constipation could be something to do with that?

Is your dd a gymnast? My dd (11 yrs old) is one and trains several times a week. If the sessions are physically demanding then it could have an impact on their physical development. Mine for one is skinny as a rake and no signs of puberty as yet.

Perhaps a visit to the doctor's to put your mind at rest is probably a good idea.

I hope things improve for your poor dd!

Definitely ask your GP about anaemia - it's very common at his age for girls, especially if they've started periods, and paleness is one of the symptoms.

And make sure you specifically ask about iron levels /anaemia - DD went to the doctors a few times in Y7 with general tiredness, headaches, wanting to stay off school but no real symptoms just fatigue & not feeling able to cope with school. I honestly thought it was a combo of malingering / emotional issues at school, as she would beg to stay at home but never had a temp or viral fluey type symptoms.
It was only when a teacher suggested we ask about anaemia & for her iron levels to be checked, that it was picked up. (And very easily fixed).

Thanks for youir replies.
I have emailed the school about the situation but they have not,as yet, responded.
I have come round to thinking she may have anaemia and will book another GPs appointment.I just feel that I have been several times and they just say it is stress of starting secondary , her age etc etc
She was a competirive gymnast but has had to take a step back because she really could not cope with training more than a couple of times a week since starting secondary as we live a long way from the gym and there is too much homework.Also after having grown a huge amount in the last 12months or so she has outgrown her strength a bit and also lost flexibility.Things she used to be able to do easily, she struggles with now.
I took her out last night for a meal just her and me and her face lit up and she was so happy to have some one to one.She says she gets on well with a lot of the boys , but of course at that age it is difficult to be friends without people teasing them