Should I send my twin girls to different secondary schools?

[twinlou]

I'm in a huge dilemma as to whether to send my twins to different secondary schools - one is a private single sex and one a mixed private both of an equal standard. I would prefer them to be together but my heart says that in order to stop the endless comparisons (one is very competitive which I think holds the other one back) even down to who has done the best homework, who gets on best with certain friends etc. I don't want one to miss out on being in a mixed school but I feel that she (the non-competitive one) might be better off at a single sex school - but...will she be jealous of the other one being in a mixed environment, will she miss out???? Has anyone been in this situation or can advise me as I'm very very confused and don't want to make the wrong decision.

Are they of very similar ability, ie likely to be in all the same ability sets? If not, you may not have too much to worry about. My daughter goes to a large comprehensive and has just been put into her final sets. She has 30 lessons a week and there is only one girl who is in 26 of them, most of the other girls she comes across are in about four lessons. My daughter is in the top sets except for PE and she has a friend in most of the top sets in the other band but even so a lot of their homework is different, I guess they will be doing certain topics at different times. If the secondary school is large and has different bands, you could always put a request in for them to be in different ones explaining your reasons why. My daughter was able to request two friends she'd like in her tutor group, so I guess most schools will be flexible if they know in advance.

In the early days there is so much to think about and happening, you will probably find they haven't got much time to think about who is doing what and with whom. When things calm down you may well find that friendships are forming elsewhere anyway. Different tutor groups and lessons will give them different opportunities. For example, my daughter's tutor group is the only one in her house group. Her house group wanted some Y7s to take part in a house languages entertainment and competition, so it was very much limited to a handful of girls. They had to practice every day for three weeks so were only mixing with the girls taking part.

I'm waffling as usual, but hopefully there is something useful here.

Hi Twinlou, i know this is an old thread, did you send your girls to different schools? I am in a similar situation but with twin boys. I would love your advice. I am new to Mumsnet so please excuse if I have missed any Mumsnet protocol.

Why not choose a school that suits both children? Having one school to deal with is much easier. Ask both separately what they would like.

 Going to the same school gives siblings lots of shared memories and experiences.  My sister and I attend the same school, but I'm a decade younger.  We still laugh about some teachers and our hatred for dark green.

ZOMBIE THREAD
This is from Feb 2013. Her daughters will now be in Yr 10....

I would do it the other way around: send the competitive one to single sex and the non-competitive one to co-ed.

Ha ha, just seen this is a zombie thread .

Haha, I know it’s an old thread I was hoping OP was still on Mumsnet and could give some feedback on how it went for her twins.

HI

I had this very same dilemma this year. My twins are very different but constantly make comparisons. One is very competitive and academic and I think the other one very conscious of her sister being so successful at school so we did consider separate schools. However, we decided that sending them to different schools would be detrimental to the one who felt she wasn't so able although has other skills. So we found a lovely school that could accommodate them both and ensured it was big enough that they were in separate classes which is key for them to help follow their own paths and friends. The one who is not so academic is so happy that she is at the same school as her sister, to be treated the same, eventhough she had said she didn't mind if they were separated. The other one is thriving with all the new challenges. They will always compare themselves to each other whichever school they would have ended up but at least they feel they have been treated equally. They are also in different houses and set differently so it means they don't see each other that much anyway and we don't have logistic nightmare of two schools. The all girls school plans lots of activities with boys schools and we ensure that the girls mix with boys in out of school activities.

Hope that helps - good luck.

I know this is an OLD THREAD but it would be interesting to see what the OP did and how it worked out for her girls.