Year 7 - end of first term and I'm not impressed with DD

[sandyballs]

She has already accumulated 10 detentions. Mostly for forgetting homework, talking in class, not doing homework. I've tried hard to help her organise herself as she finds it very difficult.

But my mine gripe is that she doesn't seem that bothered, almost to the point of thinking its rather cool and funny to have so many detentions .
She's bright, in the top sets and accelerated learning for maths but I wonder how long she will stay there unless she buckles down.

She is now on a ban of her phone, my iPad and the laptop unless it's for homework as all of these are a big distraction. What else can I do? DH wants to stop her going out with friends when they break up on Thursday. They finish at 12 and have plans to go for some lunch locally, wimpy or something. Bit harsh at xmas or hitting where it hurts to make her think a bit more?

I'm another who thinks that 10 is a lot. DD2 was mortified (and I mean tears, the works) when she got a detention for being late in after lunch.

IMO this is serious talk time. Also do as others have said - contact the school and find out what the problem actually is before this starts to escalate.

I agree about not punishing her twice, and about helping her get more organised. And then praise efforts, and point out, if you can get away with it,how much more fun it is not to be in trouble.

Honestly, loads of year 7s need help getting organised. And then they can learn how to do it for themselves, which is really hard when they are always behind and in trouble.

OP, I get where you are coming from about worrying about apathy and carelessness, I am sure most parents of teens do, and none of us know the answer- there probably isn't one.

BUT, I think it is great you have recognised that as a worry because then you can take your chance, if she shows an interest in something to help her follow up, praise any sport, drama, music etc, make time for them, and so on.

10 detentions is loads,especially for a yr 7, and especially after school rather than a break one.

I would contact her head of year and ask or support, perhaps our child needs to go on a report card for a few weeks.

Most year 7s go out of their way to please, this behaviour is not normal, despite what some other posters say, teachers will generally be far more lenient with yr 7 to allow then to adjust when it comes to organisational matters, so getting a detention at this stage is bad.

I do agree with others that it is serious. I would also contact the school and try to find out what it behind it all.

I think if the school is punishing her, then a different approach at home might help. She may be affecting not to care because it all seems hopeless and tather than climb that massive mountain, being 'cool' is easier option?

I also think it is poor to let a year 7 stack up 10 detentions for this sort of thing without contacting you to discuss other interventions (homework club, homework planner being checked more frequently etc etc).

IME a pupil who gets so many DTs in year 7 is likely to deteriorate behavior-wise as they go up the school. OP I think you're right to be unimpressed. Contact the school and ask to speak to her head of year. Ask if she can be put on a monitoring report, where each teacher has to sign at the end of each lesson. Set up a small reward if she manages a day with no negative comments and then a bigger reward if she can go a whole week, with no negative comments or DTs being set.

I second all those who think this is serious and would be asking to speak with the form tutor. DD1 is in Yr7 and has had no detentions. I do check her planner daily, but she is responsible for planning what homework she does and by when to get it all in on time - and she has never failed to hand in on time.

Your DD needs pulling up sharpish.

Thanks all. Had a chat with DD last night and she was quite open and willing to talk, which is unusual lately as she gets very defensive and we end up arguing!

She kept saying that it wasn't fair, that she shouldn't have got the detentions etc etc and me and DH kept emphasising the fact that she needs to take responsibility for things, can't blame other people for missing homework, forgetting stuff. Then our other DD piped up that she agreed that a lot of the detentions were quite harsh. She is in the same year but different classes and she said they would have received a warning for forgetting books, or homework, not an instant detention. One of them was for forgetting her calculator in maths, and again my other DD said this was not have resulted in a detention. So there does seem to be an inconsistency. I do wonder though if it's because she is on their radar for talking too much and they are therefore less willing to give out warnings.

When my DS was in year 7 we didn't have parents' evening until July. Completely pointless. It was the same in Y8 and now he is in Y9 we're told it will be in May. So if there are any issues at school at all we either have to make a special appointment ( which seems a bit over the top) or wait until the school year is almost over.
Incidentally he has got this far without ever having a detention (ever). His DSB (Y8 at the same school) has already had about 4 or 5 this term alone.

sandy i think you may be right about some DC being more high profile and noticble thus getting harsher treatment.

It was for this reason that I impressed upon my DC that he had to make a good first impression in his new school. Once you do that, your whole school career will be smoother and more pleasant.

Once you make a negative impression, teachers are watching you and will notice every little misdemenour. They will also use you as an example to others to keep their heads down.

So your DD probably does see it all as a bit unfair...and yet she has brought it on herself.

My advice would be to listen to her gripes about unfairness. Explain why it happened. Listen to the gripes again and then draw a line under it. Discuss where to go from here. Explain that your DD can turn this around. She can make her teachers see she isn't a trouble maker. Yes, she will have to try super-hard, yes she willhave to keep her nose cleaner than others, but she can do this.

Similar to my DD, year 7 and top sets.

Not happy at her report, chats all the time apparently amongst other things.

Her primary school reports were glowing.

I sat and had a chat with her to find out why things have changed. She said she was classed as a nerd at primary but now she's considered kind of cool. This makes her happy! She also said that despite always working hard at primary and being well behaved, she was never rewarded but other's who were not so well behaved were rewarded.

Have told her that we want to see an improvement otherwise we will confiscate her mobile phone and she will not be alllowed friends around. I dont know what else to do.

Is it one teacher handing out lots of detentions, or lots of teachers giving a detention? If it's just one teacher, then that might mean that they are trigger happy. If it is more than one teacher, then her gripes that they are not fair are less likely to be true, and she is simply annoying teachers across the board with poor behaviour and disorganisation.

Most kids behave well and get hardly any or no detentions at the start of Y7 as they are keen to please and do well. She does sound like she has started off on the wrong foot. I would certainly ask the HOY if she can go on a report card for 2 weeks in January, monitoring homework, equipment and behaviour so you can get a good idea of how she is in lessons.

DS's school is not great for keeping in touch with parents, but, as I realised recently, they are very responsive when you ask for a meeting. They just won't go out of their way to initiate one - unless things are really bad. So asking for a meeting is not over the top at all, that's what parents are expected to do if they have any concerns. That's what I've learned this term