Advice required please on change of class in Year 7 of secondary school

[nortonmumoftwo]

Hi there

I'm struggling here and help/experiences/advice welcome.

My daughter has just started Year 7 at local comp.

On her school friends choices form she put down 3 names of friends she would be happy to be with and 1 name of someone she would prefer not to be with (X). She's in a class now with this girl X who she has never got on with. (They had to be separated in year 5 at primary school due to bullying by X against my DD). Girl X is a good foot taller than my DD and is maturer in mind and body than most of her peers. I think DD is intimidated and a little frightened of X.However we knew all this and talked about it before starting in September and daughter said she was happy as she felt all unpleasantness with X was in previous years and she felt she could deal with it. She has other friends in the class. BIG MISTAKE!

There was an incident with X (whom she knew from primary school) out of school. Ever since this incident she has been on the receiving end of endless low level bullying from this girl. The kind of stuff I am talking about is name calling, talking outloud about her so she can hear, turning all her friends against her with lies, silly stuff like flicking water at her, squaring up to her, constantly bothering her and so on. All minor stuff but it got to a point last week where she couldn't take any more and burst out crying. She doesn't want to come to school in the mornings and is becoming anxious and slightly withdrawn.

I am reluctant to get involved in friends disputes normally and prefer to arm her with advice to get over these situations herself. However as I mentioned before it reached a level where I had to intervene and then eventually contact the school. I want to get her moved to a class where she has friends - the same friends she put on her choices forms.

School have been pretty good and spoke to both girls and stopped them from sitting next to each other. But they are still in class of 30 and this bullying is still happening. X is a very clever girl and knows she is being watched and has wound her neck in it somewhat. The mother of X is known to me and she is one to believe that her DD is an angel and couldn't possibly do anything like this. So no go there to try and reason with her.

Last conversation with the school resulted in the decision that DD wouldn't be moved and she must work through her problems.

So I guess the thing I want to know is considering X was someone she chose not to be with, it's only 7 weeks into 5 years of secondary, DD isn't happy, I'm not happy, worried about her concentration with school work, etc - do I have any right to demand her change of class?

I am meeting with the Headmaster next monday for a final decision.

help!!!

thanks getwiththeprogramme

Good point about the break time supervision. This is the first time i've gone through this but have gathered from friends they only move problem children if there is the threat of or actual violence against another classmate. This is not the case here. Yes DD wants to move - she's had enough after nearly 3 weeks of daily occurances.

I'm sorry if I've missed this above, but would moving your daughter not in some way imply that it is her who is/has the problem? Although if the move meant she was put with friends, that might be a nice outcome, it does leave the other girl pretty much untouched, apart from the school being aware that she has done this.

Might it not be better to leave your daughter in the class she's in, but get the other girl moved out?

I've never really understood the attitude that the child being bullied should be the one to "work through" or move around. She isn't the problem. (Apologies if this sounds ranty, DD1 had a similar problem...)

thanks jennycrofter and getwiththeprogramme

No I don't understand either the principal of not moving the offender but moving the victim (seems to be the case in life generally i.e more rights for offenders than victims).

Anyway yes bullying of any sort is horrible and 12 year olds shouldn't have to put up with it 7 weeks into new school.

Unfortunately unless something really serious happens they won't move X and have only so far given her words of advice. I guess they are waiting for that day to come. AND then it is only shifting the problem.

A lot of friends say the only language/action bullies understand is another bigger bully! A friend said if it was her DD she would go to X's house and cause a god almightly scene and leave X and her mother in no doubt that if anything happens again they will be back - maybe at mother's work!

I don't know about this as, as soon as you appear 'unreasonable' and 'ranting', you lose all credibility at school. They are kids after all no adults.

Thanks for your thoughts