I'm really worried about dd doing too much

[Dancergirl]

She's in year 7 at a lovely girls indie. She's happy and is settling in and making friends etc but in worried about the amount of after school things she's doing. She's a keen ballet dancer and this takes up a lot of time.

Her current weekly timetable looks like this:

Monday - long day. I meet her at the coach stop and take her to ballet. 2 classes with a 50 min break in between. Then I meet her at 7.15 and take her to Guides. Home at 9.30pm. I make her a packed dinner and snacks.

Tuesday - free

Wednesday - free

Thursday - home for a short while and dinner, then 3 ballet classes. Home at 8.30pm.

Friday - youth ballet rehearsal after school. Home by 7pm for dinner.

She'd missed guides for a few weeks to settle into the new routine. But yesterday she did the lot, ballet then guides and was exhausted afterwards. She refuses to drop any of the ballet and says if necessary she will drop guides for a while. She also plays the flute but finds it hard to find the time to practice.

I'm a big believer in children having some down time and time to chill at home but the ballet is v important to her. The current timetable isn't forever, the youth ballet finishes in March and I imagine by next September she won't have any classes on Monday.

But I'm torn between letting her take the lead or making the decision to cut down for her.

How do your dc all cope?

Choice of senior school is very important. I know it won't be a problem but we are lucky to have the choice of independent selective school who expect their kids to do extra curricular at a high level

Local comp paranoid about league tables would be more difficult with ridiculous homework and booster revision sessions

D wants to audition for vocational secondary school but I don't think her ballet is good enough and not sure about specialising so early.

I think please don't drop the Guides, her whole life would be School+Ballet without it. I'd want some other stuff in there.

As long as her weekends aren't too busy I think it's fine. Trick is in keeping the weekends low key.

I don't think this looks like too much. Don't forget as well that we are at the stage of term where most children are flagging a bit and in need of a break at half term. Plus starting a new school is draining in itself.

I think she should carry on with it all but be prepared to miss something for a week here and there (probably Guides) if she is really feeling wiped out. Children do adapt quite easily. For example, I found that a really late night once a week that ds2 was struggling with when he started doing it a month ago is now not an issue at all.

Without the guides I don't think it would be too bad, especially if she loves the ballet. Does she have anything much on the weekend?

second that seeker.

Don't get me wrong, Tantrums, we still consider school and homework to be the most important thing, its a question of the balance. If the homework wasn't getting done to a high standard and teachers weren't happy we would be reveiwing the situation.

No its not a blanket ban. If it would be fitted in it could be done. And it may also depend on what the activity was.

DD plays in bands, if she wasn't there for for a concert, or for the final practices it would impact on everyone else. Commitment to groups is an important life skill as well. She has a ballet exam coming up, so she needs to be at the classes.

GCSE years may well be different, is that not more reason for doing activities and learning to manage time effectively now?

Also as I said, DDs school has said very specifically they are not doing next day homework, so it shouldn't be happening anyway.

Totally agree pavlova. In fact it's given me food for thought as to questions to ask at open days (not actually applied yet but dd will probably carry on where she is)

In the area where I work (not live so neither if these two schools are an option) there are two secondary schools. Both non selective - one traditionally seen as better - naicer area etc. this school gets the kids to do 16 gcse or equivalent gcse in year 9 & 10 revision etc etc

The other school has a much less pressurised feel offers dance/drama extra curricular but it is perceived as not as good.

If these were the choices I know where dd would go!

Thanks all. I'll have a chat with her again and see what she thinks. I know she has 2 free days but its the Mondays that bother me. She doesn't get in till 9.30 after leaving home at 7.30am. She's (sort of) happy to pause guides for a while and her guider is understanding.

However flute is coming way, way down the list of priorities and she's just not getting the practice done. I know it's secondary to ballet but I only let her take it up a few years ago (after doing piano) on the condition she would stick with it even when th going got tough.

Forgot to say, homework is just manageable at the moment. Seems to be no next day homework so she manages doing it tue/Wednesday/ weekends and lunchtime ( they have extended lunch break).

But her sisters are also missing her! She's home a lot less than she used to be.

Sounds fine to me. But then again I have what has been termed on MN " committed kids" . If they are achieving their potential academically, and enjoying/progressing in hobbies then I have no beef. IMHO they skills involved in juggling workload/getting stuff done are all ones for student/adult life .

Not including instrument practice LOL....(which TBH they don't do enough of, but they make steady progress)

In year 7 DD2 (now 13 year 9) was doing:
Mon piano (home after 6 with DS )
Tues Choir (home 6.30-7)
Wed free
Thurs Choir (till 7?)
Alternate fri recorder lesson (again home 6ish- waits for siblings)
Sat am Music
Sunday am or pm (rarely both, rarely a week off!)

DS in year 7 was worse as he also sang and boys choir is MWF!

DS has just done GCSEs getting great marks doing activities M T F S (and some sundays)

DD1 (now at uni) carried a very similar schedule to DD2 all the way through to A2.

It has given DD1 the skills and ability to juggle ,history at uni (getting a 1st in the 1st year)a choral scholarship and a very active social life.

My trio are state educated but at schools that don't push them into squillions of GCSEs- just a basic core of " standard" subjects- not media and politics or whatever " just because they can" rather than because they want to do that subject. DS "only" took 10 GCSes but they are the right ones to allow him to do what he wants at uni.

THey are always " at home a lot less than they used to be" by the time they get to 11....

Should say "when" DS was in yr 7 he did the boys choir. (he's no longer an angelic treble LOL).

Oh and I've not counted in school activities- mostly I don't know what/when LOL

DD's year 4.

Monday: netball
Tuesday: athletics
Wednesday: Irish dancing, 2.45 - 4 then 5.30 to 7.
Thursday: flute, choir, drama
Friday: football
Saturday: tennis.

Bloody hell that's a lot now I see it written down!

Thanks all, you've made me feel better! Some busy dc out there!

I think one person's 'too much', is another's 'hardly breaking a sweat'.

My DD has always been a joiner of things.

She leaves the house at 7.15 am and doesn't get back until 7pm four days out of five:
Monday: sports training.
Tuesday: Rehearsals for stage production.
Wednesday: Choir.
Thursday: sports training.

Add to this a club or training session every lunch time. Plus homework and music practice.

But right now she seems okay. Happy and healthy. I keep reassessing. I think that's all you can do. You'll know when the tipping point comes I thik.

DD1 15 (yr11 so bulk of GCSE's this year). State comp, taking 9 good GCSEs + compulsory ICT and Btec Sport.

Music has to come first as it's what she wants to do at University, and is a late starter

Monday - Sport training and/or school orchestra. English Study centre, home around 7:30
Tuesday - Extra music composition sessions this half-term only, then free*
Wednesday - Extra ICT this half-term only, then free*
Thursday - (2nd) Instrument lesson during school, school choir, voluntary work at local music school, ensemble - home around 7:45
Friday - voluntary work lunchtime, (3rd) instrument lesson after school
Saturday - Music school includes (1st) instrument tuition 8am to 5:30pm including travel.
Sunday - Free

*one of these sessions likely to be taken up by DofE expedtion training, as just finished bronze.

As she does not need to leave for school till 8:15, not too long a day. Manages at least an hour instrument practice most days. No next day homework, but at least once a week ends up doing homework at 6am.

wordfactory "I think one person's 'too much', is another's 'hardly breaking a sweat'." - you have just summed up the difference between my DM and me