Any year 7s on facebook? Read on...

[manicstreetpreacher]

So like a fool, I very reluctantly agreed to let dd have facebook at the end of primary school. Many of her peers had been on it since year 4/5 (er, just no...)and it was always a bone of contention in the house. The main reason I caved in was because she was tearful on leaving primary school and some of the kids who were moving onto different schools who all had fb, obviously! That coupled with the fact that she doesn't really have a massive network of friends and I kind of thought it could go some way to fixing that.

So how I now wish I had listened to my first instincts. Last week she fell foul of a rogue app that started posting some unkind stuff on her friends's timelines. It has trashed some of her friendships as the kids in question will not believe that she wasn't responsible for it. The last few days have been a nightmare and I know I only have myself to blame for letting her go it underage.

The fact that some of the kids on her friends list have known her all her life and know full well that in real life she doesn't say boo to a goose let alone post nasty crap on the net seems to have made difference at all. They simply will not belive that she isn't responsible despite my contacting one of the parents in question. It's so damn frustrating as she finds it hard to fit in, doesn't have many friends and had to exit one primary school due to being bullied by the resident queen bee there. We thought that fb might have been a bit of a lifeline for her when we were thinking it through - how I wish I'd listened to my gut feeling. It's usually always right!

Anyone else had similar probs? Yeah, I know I should never have let her on there....

Manic x

My heart goes out to you, it is so hard navigating all this stuff as adults, let alone as kids.

Have a DS1 just started Yr7. Doesn't have Facebook, no interest, thank god. Does have Skype, plays online computer games with friends, and Skye's at the same time.

Last year loads of issues, most memorable was an American boy, who one of the friends had got on his Skype list. He suggested that DS1 and friends click on a link. It was a gay porn site. Hugely shocking but now DS1 knows that he does not have any Skype mates he doesn't know in real life and doesn't click on links.

On the friends front I have asked friends over at the weekend. That has worked well.

Don't beat yourself up, I am aiming for half term without melt down.

Your poor dd (and poor you). I'm afraid the whole story sounds familiar.

Enormous pressure at the end of primary to 'keep in touch' - mobile numbers, fb. And yes my dd fell foul of some unintentional nastiness on fb.

If it is any consolation to you, it will blow over. First few months (poss entire year 7) is a time of real transition and fb is just one of many new things that your dd is getting used to. She will steadily gain friends in her new school and 'keeping in touch' will seem much less important.

If worst comes to the worst you can (with agreement from your dd) close the account and she can start again when she is ready.

Gay porn? Sheesh.......

Yeah, she has deactivated the account now. It's really scared her off. Just her luck though! It's unfortunate that one of the girls affected by the app was just starting to become a new friend. Murphy's law or what? Now she has the impression that my dd is a right cow!

I have to sigh - in my experience it's the odious little gits that have the most friends!

Timechild has given good advice think it is a good thing that she has deactivated her account. Give it time 12 year olds will often forget all about it and move onto the next drama! Meanwhile she can concentrate on making new friends and maybe when she is 13/14 consider Facebook again - also for similar reasons I would advise avoid Blackberry Messenger-another source of endless gossip and rumour for 12 year olds !

Oh no, that is awful. Are you sure it is a rouge app, or did your DD give someone her password/not logout properly? Best to know to avoid future incidents.

If she'd like to repair the older friendships, you could try to research this app on the internet, print out what you find, and send it to said friends with an explanation/apology letter.

Could you invite the one who was becoming a new friend around for tea, and try to re-build a little? You could get around the awkwardness you DD may feel asking her (in case she rejects) by phoning her in the evening.

Can I just suggest you call the school, if it's affecting new friendships. Good schools no longer believe their responsibility ends at kicking out time and realise FB issues transfer into the classroom. A timely assembly on the dangers of the Internet might be in order & also a talk to the kids involved on using this as a lesson in how things can go wrong. I've had kids hating each other because the Internet stopped working and the other kid thought they were ignoring them ! Please let school know so they can help her (& you) deal with the horror that is FB.

Good point mumsneedwine. Also, if one of the other kids (or their parents) tell the school, they could take it as cyberbullying. Not trying to worry you at all, but it might be best to get your version of things to them, and then ask if they can do a general talk to prevent it happening to others, as mumsneedwine suggests.

What is this rogue app. I cant find any information about it on line at all.

I've never heard of this rogue app either. Nor has dp who's generally very up to date with computers stuff. Are you sure that's it? Not she's given someone else her password or not logged out at school.

Are you sure if you contact the school, your dd won't end up in trouble for posting the stuff? Just a thought. If all the others say she posted it, and she says she didn't but hasn't given anyone else her password, then she could find herself accused of cyberbullying.

If it is a rogue app, then get full details of it, and how it activated your dd's account before going into school, so that they can see it's not your dd.

Thanks all for such good advice.

I said 'rogue app' but perhaps I shouldn't have. But it's a darn weird one. Like a worm. It's one called Yes/No and it started posting questions on dd's behalf even when she was offline.

It started out quite harmlessly. Stuff like 'Is huggable?' 'Does * sing in the shower?' stuff like that landing on friends's timelines.

Then it turned nasty. Stuff like 'Do you think needs to lose weight?' 'Do you think needs a stylist?' And, the worst one of all 'Do you think is a spastic?' ( denotes the name of the person whose timeline it landed on'). Saying the post had come from my dd to .

I have looked it up myself and found nothing. She hasn't used fb on a public computer and her password was so obscure there's no way anyone could have guessed it. So I am at a loss to know how it happened. The posts all landed when she was offline. Yes, I know it sounds unbelievable, I would find it hard to believe too, which makes it all the more frustrating.

I'm now wondering if someone has stitched her up but I can't think who or why or how.

Anyone that knows her would know that it is so out of character too. I am at a complete loss here.

Thanks once again for all your constructive advice.

I know the type of app you mean. I get one that says someone has answered a question about me (like do they fancy me or am I smelly), but they haven't. No idea how it got there but it pops up a lot - my 13 year old daughter just told me to ignore it as its a spam thing & they been told about it at school. Apparently my brother once answered a question about wanting my babies - he didn't funnily enough !!!
There is no way your daughter will get into trouble over this ! It's a lesson learnt that FB is a commercial enterprise, there to make money and there are some odd things on it. It's fun and useful at times so educating her is vital as she will go back on it at some point.

Call the school - they will have dealt with this loads of times and can chat to her new friends and make them see what's going on. Good luck.

I don't FB, but googling 'yes no face book' brought this up which may mean something to you.
FB permissions Yes/No game