How do I allow my DD to look smart yet 'ungeeky' in school uniform?

[Dumbwaitress]

I'll apologise now for the random thread but as a newbie to here I thought I might as well ask what might seem to be a daft question because there might be somebody out there who can answer it for me!

My eldest DD has just started high school and as many others I would imagine, has to wear uniform of shirt, tie, blazer, etc. It's not an independent school but is quite a smart state high school which is highly regarded for implementation of rules and for the good behaviour of its pupils.

My question is how do strike a balance between my own rules of how she looks when she's in uniform, of having her shirt tucked in and tie tied in a sensible way and top button done up, and at the same time not have her stand out in a way that's going to attract teasing from others.

I can imagine that many people would say that either that I should make her wear it smartly and she will find her own way of wearing it to fit in with the accepted 'norm' at the school, or alternatively if she wears it in contravention of the rules then it's up to her to accept the consequences of that.

I suppose my question is really how do other parents allow their children to 'rebel' or modify their uniforms to allow them to fit in but at the same time stay within the boundaries of how it has to be worn, if that's possible.

The other way to look at it also is what the consequences would be for other children if parents encourage their kids to look cool (as opposed to the kids themselves trying to defy school rules in their own way). I get pretty upset when I hear about the school NOT enforcing the rules I try very hard to, with endless arguments (which I inevitably lose) about DS tucking his shirt in and doing his top button up. I am pretty strict about it and try to enforce it, and DS complains that he gets laughed at by other kids who get away with more. This REALLY pisses me off - not with those other kids' parents but the school's inability to police it. And why should they, since their job is to teach? So it is pretty difficult, especially if other parents encourage challenging the rules. DS has never been actively picked on over it, only gently teased but it upsets me, him and creates this need to be cool when he should not be worrying about it so much. I am sure some children must get more serious teasing and bullying over these issues.

Since I never ever did up my top button, I'm not going to tell my DDs to.
Nor am I going to get DD1 a skirt of regulation length, as hers is already one of the longest.
Apart from that I do try to ensure smartness, no make up, no nail vanish, hair brushed and do visible jewellery (yes DD1 I know you've got your pendent on) except studs. Even so DD2 still has a somewhat non school flower clip in her hair for her photo.

Ties and top buttons are just pointless, if you insist they are done up at home they will be undone 10 seconds down the road.

The one that winds me up is makeup. It is not allowed, but DD gets teased for not wanting to be an orange panda.

Surely on spot prone young skin thick foundation is not a good idea.

How do you think she might rebel herself if you collude with her over this?

I would leave it to her to work out for herself. The school will let her know if she does anything they don't approve of. I wouldn't give it any thought at all unless the school contact you.

My DD is not allowed to wear tight jeggings style trousers to school but wanted to buy some that seemed a bit border line to me. I told her it was up to her completely but if she found she was'nt allowed to wear them she would have to wear her old ones or pay for anew pair herself. After a two second think she chose some slightly less tight school friendly trousers. This way it's all her responsibility and we are not having to argue about it.

My DD was always pushing the boundries with her uniform. No tie so the shirt buttons had to be undone to as low a level as possible, regulation skirt rolled up as she was walking down the road etc. Sometimes you need to give your kids something to rebel against OP as if it's something simple like uniform then hopefully it won't be any of the more serious matters! I'm my children's mother not their friend & it was never up to me to tell them how to fight against the system, that's something they learn over time. In fact I recall how my daughter started off in year 7 looking so smart & coming home on about day 3 dressed identically to all the other rebels which I found quite humourous. Do you think DD knew that though? NO!

Leave her to it. School will sort it.

I agree with the majority on here. Leave her something to rebel against.

I have 3 DDs at secondary (and a 4th at primary). The uniform is very strict - blazers, ties, kilts, no make up etc.

The only concession I have made is that I took up their skirts to sit ON the knee, as the school shop ones came to about 3 inches BELOW the knee (my DDs are blessed with being exceptionally short and tiny of waist). The rules state 'knee length' so they are still keeping the rules IMO, and as all of their friends seem to have them well above the knee at mid-thigh, I thought below the knee was harsh.

I tend to turn a blind eye to a bit of mascara or an untucked shirt, but they know that if they are caked in makeup they will be stopped en route out of the door.

I have caught them doing some serious skirt rolling, and I'm almost certain that DD1 and DD2 take makeup to school with them. If I see them they get told that they are responsible for the consequence at school, and asked to unroll the skirt/wash their faces. When I've caught DD1 with her skirt eyewateringly short, she got grounded. Similarly, if the school contacts me (they send letters home) or I get told at Parent's Evening that they look a mess, they get grounded. Otherwise a comment usually suffices.

At the end of the day though, I'd rather have a stern word and/or have to ground them for rolling a skirt than for having a crafty cigarette or slacking on homework. Uniform rebellion is not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things.