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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Choice of when to move our 13 year old daughter. Before GCSEs start or before A levels start?

20 replies

pvw1970 · 22/07/2012 18:51

Here's some background -

My wife and I have 3 kids aged 4, 5 and 13.

I travel a lot overseas and this allows us to live a long way from my company (about 250 miles). I now want to take up a position based in the office so I can be home every night rather than being away for 2-3 wekes at a time. I would therefore like for us all to move to anywhere within an hours drive of my company's offices.

Of our two younger ones, one has been at primary school a year, the other is due to start this September. Our 13 year old daughter does not start her GCSE's until the year after the next acedemic year (2013-14).

The main factor that is stopping us making the decision to put the house on the market and move is this -

is it better to hang on and let our 13 year old start and complete her GCSEs and then move before her A Levels start OR

is it better to move now i.e. in the year before GCSEs start.

Our little ones will cope with the move I am sure of it. We are just worried that is the right thing to do for our 13 year old? She?s in the top sets in all subjects and really loves her current school and friends. I think she would adapt and find her feet in the interim year and be ready to tackle GCSEs when they start. The thought of having to start somewhere new between GCSEs and A Levels would have frightened me at that age.

If anyone has been in this situation before I would really appreciate your kind advice.

OP posts:

Llareggub · 22/07/2012 18:56

I have no experience of children aged 13 but my gut instinct would be to move now, so that you all experience family life together sooner rather than later.

Leeds2 · 22/07/2012 19:14

I would move now, but only if you could be in your new home before school starts in September. Your DD is going to have to move at some point, so probably best to do it sooner rather than later, especially as it would give your youngest the chance to start Reception at his/her new school, and so would never have to go through the "changing schools" stage.

Are you looking at a private or state school for your DD? I am thinking that some private schools have a Year 9 intake, so she would then be the only new child.

Original poster

pvw1970 · 22/07/2012 19:48

Thanks all for your great comments so far!

I would probably say state school because we probably would't be able to afford the fees for private (especially since I'm packing in the business travelling which brings in the additional pay).

The main concern with the little ones is they are currently at a school with only 30 odd kids and they would more than likely be going into a school of 300. This doesn't necessarily mean it would be bad though . They would adapt.

The factor of having a better family life is probably the most improtant gain because this will allow us to both support our 13 year old through the school change.

OP posts:

mummytime · 23/07/2012 08:01

Lots of kids at 4 go from pre-schools with 30 kids being a large number (my youngest had 12 max a session), to a class of 30 and school of 180 or 300 or even more. They cope fine.
I would really really move now if possible, starting a new school before choosing your options is the best plan, andit will be good to get your family together sooner rather than later.
To be honest you have a limited window to still build a relationship with your daughter, by 16 she will have her own life and you will not really be part of it, and she may be very angry at being dragged away from her friends.

FallenCaryatid · 23/07/2012 08:08

A lot of children in our area go to 6th form college for A levels, and there are numerous ones with different specialities.
I'd move then, so she's studying fewer subjects that she's truly motivated by, in a new setting. One more step on the road to independence and university.
What does she think?

SecretPlansAndCleverTricks · 23/07/2012 08:14

I don't think it is possible to move a teenager without her being very unhappy and resentful, if she is in a good group of friends. Sorry

I might be looking into finding a job nearer home?

Lonelylou · 23/07/2012 08:23

Make plans to move now if you are definitely intent on moving. I moved my kids from a tiny rural primary/middle to a small primary and they adapted eventually (some initial upsets from all of us actually). They have done well since getting over this because we all were honest about our losses and helped each other through it.

Teenagers can email, skype or facebook to keep in touch with old friends. Perhaps friends could visit for holidays until teenager makes new ones?

BaldricksTurnip · 23/07/2012 08:36

I had exactly this as a child. I was at a very good private school on a full scholarship, then our house was put up for sale and my mum decided to move to a different area before I started my GCSE's. I went to a Grammar school which I hated. Felt very unsettled, and went from being in the top sets for everything to a much more middle ground. Spent the ages 14-16 being very wild and in complete contrast to my former self. I did eventually recover and went on to college and then Uni. Honestly? It's all change when you leave school anyway and you're that bit older and more able to cope with the change. I would absolutely avoid moving her now, especially if she's happy. Bear in mind that everyone who's been at secondary from year 7 has already formed tight friendship groups that she will find hard to be part of. I did have a lot of friends at my new school after a while but it was energy I should have been putting into studying. Just my experience obviously but worth considering it from her point if view.

BaldricksTurnip · 23/07/2012 08:37

*of view

LIZS · 23/07/2012 09:52

In the private system many children move at 13/Year 9. tbh I think the longer you leave it the more difficult it would be. She will have to move into established friendship circles at whichever moment you choose but I think she will have a better chance of making lasting friendships if you move sooner ,as those mid teen years are most influential longer term.

ClaireBunting · 23/07/2012 10:13

If you are going to move, move quickly.

larry5 · 23/07/2012 10:35

We moved dd at the end of yr9 having spent a year planning the move - husband sold business and took semi-retirement. It worked well for dd partly because she was glad to leave her school and partly because at the beginning of yr10 classes do change because of option choices and setting.

She settled in very quickly and made lots of new friends.

Original poster

pvw1970 · 23/07/2012 12:10

Thanks again for all your helpful comments.

I think the plan would need to work like this.

House up for sale between now and September 2012.

? 4 year son old starts first year at local primary school. ? 6 year old daughter starts second year at local primary school ? 13 year old daughter starts academic year before GCSE study yeas commence.

We look for new place to live, find the right schools etc.
House sells (hopefully) and we move at either New Year, Easter 2013 or Summer 2013.

? 5 year son old starts second year at new primary school. ? 7 year old daughter starts third year at new primary school ? 14 year old daughter starts GCSEs at new school.

The 13 year old daughter is already expert on skype as it is the main means of communication when I am overseas. I guess it?s life-choice of having a future of daily skype contacts with your old school friends or with your father ??. Surely a no-brainer?

OP posts:

LadyPeterWimsey · 23/07/2012 12:29

I moved countries in the middle of my GCSEs and although I hated it at the time and it was pretty disruptive, not least to my courses, I still survived. I would have hated to move later when my friendships were even more established and intense.

We moved DS1 at the end of year 8, and he has settled extremely well, although I think he did hate us for a bit. The end of year 9 would have been harder but not impossible either.

I do think kids cope with most things. But be prepared for some 'you're ruining my life' kind of speeches...

Imogenh · 23/07/2012 13:46

If you chose to moive whilst your daughter is in Year 9, make sure you do it in time for her to chose her GCSE options with everyone else - usually that is done in the Spring Term. Otherwise she will get what is left, which would not be a good start.

titchy · 23/07/2012 13:53

A no-brainer - you're optimistic - my dd would probably pick her friends!

Actually although that sounds a bit tongue in cheek her argument will be that she has you anyway (whether abroad or not) - and she would far rather spend her spare time with her friends than her father.... so don't expect plain sailing from that pov.

You also need to be aware that some schools start their GCSE syllabuses in year 9 so even if you moved her in January she could possibly still have some catching up to do.

You still haven't said what her views on the move are.....?

HeathRobinson · 23/07/2012 13:54

I'd move now. Could you rent 'for now' while your house sells and then buy in the new area (making sure you're in catchment)?

My youngest is 13 and will be choosing her GCSE options fairly soon after they start back, definitely before Christmas, as they actually take some GCSE modules in Year 9. Do you know what the new school's policy is?

Original poster

pvw1970 · 23/07/2012 19:25

I think my daughter is fairly open minded about it all. She just seems to want to keep her head down study and enjoy her hobbies. I think the crunch would come if she couldn't carry on with her interests in the new area. So from that aspect it's not all just about school and friends.

She hasn't quite reached that challenging rebellious teenage stage yet though so maybe we ought to act now before that all sets in!

OP posts:

grovel · 23/07/2012 19:40

She'll hate you now. She'll hate you more later. It's how it is. She'll forgive you quicker if you move now.

soonbesailing · 23/07/2012 23:15

I would say move sooner rather than later, as they choose their GCSEs in year 9.
I moved my DS part way through year 9 from state to private, he has had a term to get to know everyone and make sure he is happy with his GCSE choices, before he starts his GCSEs in yr 10. As someone else said quite a few private schools take in a new lot in yr 9, so DS was not the only one to join the year.
As things are changing with GCSEs and they are now having less modular parts and more of exams at the end, it is easier, it also helps if the school doesn't do early GCSEs as quite a few take them early and will have already done a lot of work in yr 9.
I would focus my attention on your older child as she has the least amount of time on her side. The younger ones will adapt easier than her.
I would also think about how happy she is where she is, we only moved DS as he wasn't really happy, if he had been I would have left him as I do think teenage years can be tricky, but it depends on your child, some of them just live for their friends (especially some girls) and it would be really difficult to move if she didn't want to do it.

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