Will the school listen?

[mumbledd]

My dd is starting secondary school in September. She is going with a few children from her current school.

One of the girls, at the moment, is causing a huge rift in her class. Telling A that B has said something nasty about them etc. DD has been caught up in this and has been very upset but thankfully ignores the comments as do most of the kids. The girl is rarely repremanded as she has deep emotional issues and the teachers don't want her to regress, she thinks she gets away with anything because she is cute.
This girl is going to need a lot of emotional support when she moves onto to secondary school. Her mum has asked that she will be in the same class as my dd as she thinks they are good friends, she isn't really friendly with the other boys and girls going. As she has caused so much trouble I really don't want her to be with DD and I don't want my DD to have the emotional burden.

I asked at the school meeting last week that the girls are not put together, do you think the school will listen to me?

I realise I'm being really selfish but I want to put the needs of my dd first, I do however feel very guilty

How many in her current cohort?
How many in the secondary school cohort?
What will the dilution factor be?
ie will the problem just wash away in the flood of new company?

Currently in a 2 form primary, going to a 6 form secondary. About 14 girls going so 2 to 3 per class.

My worry is that if they are together in the same class and dd doesn't want to be friends with her the other girl will be nasty as she can't make friends as easily.

You have mentioned it. Now you have to let go.

For every one of this girl there will be another two or more, who your daughter has not met yet (they maybe even worse). You need to discuss with your daughter and empower her to learn to be friends with whom ever she wishes and how to be polite but have space between those she chooses not to. Growing up is tough but she will learn and you will be at home to guide her.

mumbledd my dd, now in year 9 went to secondary with very similar issues and circs as yours. Same size primary, same size secondary, same level of 'dilution'.

We did ask her not to be put in with the other girl and this was honoured but in hindsight I don't think it made any difference.

The first term of yr 7 is an enormous change (good and sometimes bad) so they will both be absorbed into the hurly burly of the much larger school very quickly.

In case of my dd, she walked to school with her old friends for about 4 weeks. After that she ditched them in favour of new friends and never looked back.

I asked a couple of times how she was getting on with the other girl - a blank face was the reply - she had all but forgotten her and the troubles she brought.

So don't worry all will be fine whatever the school decides to do :) Good luck and hope she enjoys her new school.

They are highly likely to listen, yes.

They will also be geared up for this sort of problem and will be watching out for it. Additionally, your child will have loads of new children to deal with as will the other girl. They will probably drift apart fairly quickly.

I rang my dd's head of year 7 asking that she not be put with a particular child, only to be told that her primary school had already said the same thing!

Thanks for all of your replys.

I feel like you have put my mind at rest. I do think she will quickly make other friends as she is very sociable, also agree that she will come across some really awful kids too!

Looks like the OP is getting a head start on Year 7.

That is what Year 7 girls are like - friends one minute, falling out the next. Telling on one another, and setting up little factions.

I think it is really best not to get too involved. When you do, you will find out their relationship has morphed to one of BFF. You really can't pin them down.

My dd is now firm friends with the girl she, I and her school wanted her separated from in year 7. But it took til year 11. And she would have been made miserable in year 7 if that girl had been in her form.

Most of the transition teams from our local secondary schools ( we feed into around 5 different ones each year) visit us to meet the children moving up and chat with the Year 6 teacher. I always mention children who work well together and children it is best to keep apart!