worried about DS transition to secondary school

[princesspetunia]

Hello
I think I'm just looking for support. My DS was badly bullied in year 5 because of something that his dad did, we were married 20 years and together 22 so it was a shock for all of us and he will not see his dad again. I moved him to another school where he came on in leaps and bounds. He is now moving to secondary school but there are only two other boys moving with him, no girls and they are all in different classes. I really don't know whether he is going to cope, he is a very sensitive boy and not brilliant at football etc. this is due to something medical which I only found out last year, where one side of his body grows slower so he has a slight limp. He is trying to be brave and says he will try hard to make new friends - does anyone think I should approach the school before start of term to discuss what has happened to him? Do secondary schools do buddy systems or offer support for children like my son? :(

My DC's are too young to go to secondary school, so haven't any experience, but if I was in your shoes, I would definitely ask to speak to the head of year so that they are given a "heads up" and are more vigiliant with your son. Ask for a meeting with his tutor after a couple of weeks to make sure that he is settling in as well as he will be telling you. Some senior schools do operate a buddy system so it is well worth asking the Head of Year in your meeting. Hope all is plain sailing for you and you DS in September.

Yes, do approach school, it sounds like your ds has genuinely been through the mill a bit and obviously his medical condition needs to be brought to the attention of the PE dept especially.
Any chance that the yr 5 bullies are likely to be there? Again, if your new school knows they can take steps to avoid your ds being placed with them.

I would ask the school. I think they must all vary a lot, but my dd is struggling a bit at the moment and the school is brilliant, offering counselling and she knows she has somewhere to go when she needs to.

I think secondary schools are generally more geared up to dealing with these sort of things, and I would def find a contact point now, and then you know who to approach straightaway if he does struggle at all.

Hopefully he will be fine and love it!

I would talk about your concerns to your childs new form teacher - changeover days normally start from this week. If you are not sure phone the secondary school and ask to speak to the head of year and find out. I speak from experience as I have a child with SEN and had a great deal of contact before my son started secondary. If you speak to the head at your child's primary school they can arrange a few mornings where your child can visit the school a few times before thay start in September. You will not be the only parent requesting this I know many parents arranged pre visits.

Please arrange this ASAP as there are only a few week left.

I would take heart from the fact that your DS coped well with a move to a new school in Y6. It sounds as though he adapted well to that change - did he know others at that school? Don't forget that this time everyone will be new, not just your DS so it is quite likely that others will be in the same situation.
With regard to the medical issues - I would certainly make sure that his form tutor and the PE department are well aware of all the issues involved.

Thankyou all so much for posting, I will contact his new school and make them aware of his situation, its knowing what to do for the best - I feel more confident about approaching the school now I've heard some views from other mums. x :)

Yes, definitely agree with everyone. Our secondary school has been really good. They made sure that previous bullies were not in same tutor group. Any subsequent bullying has been swiftly dealt with.

Another one in agreement.

Ours has a system where there are children of different ages in the same tutor groups. The older ones take the younger ones under their wing a bit, and it helps the Yr7s to know that they can talk to them about the day-to-day school worries.

Bullying is also taken far more seriously than it used to be, and there's a zero tolerance attitude at ds' school. Ds had a few minor things happen to him, and eventually let me report it to his tutor. They took it very seriously and even made sure ds talked to their support worker, in case he was still worried.

Your ds sounds lovely. :)

DS1 has just transferred to a Secondary with Vertical Tutoring. he has friends in different years now, it's great.

Do phone the school, I am sure they will be able to reassure you.

My DS's school has an additional transition day for children who they feel would benefit from further support. There is no specific number of children who are asked to attend each year and there are a variety of reasons why they invite certain children to attend (emotional, physical, additional needs etc etc). They chose the children based on primary teacher input and anything the transition manager picks up when visiting the Y6 children. The children also attend the two usual transition days.

I didn't know they did this as my DS (Y7) and DD (Y6 currently) were not chosen but parental comment to me from those that did was very positive, perhaps they might do something similar at your DS's new school?

Good luck!

Vertical tutor groups sound fantastic!

We were lucky that for many reasons (mainly schools music service groups and friends of siblings) that the kids knew kids in some of the years above when they moved schools- in DD2s case she knew 1 person in her year but plenty in years above! This was really helpful (even if DS got into scrapes playing playground rugby with the big boys!).

Ask the school what they can do.

Actually you'll probably find there is huge amounts of form team building stuff and support going on. As long as your DS is prepared to really throw himself into these and not sit on the sidelines he'll be fine.

(My DS was also bullied in year 5 but has had not trouble in secondary)