DS had Year 7 induction day and is really upset

[minesawine]

My DS was so excited about spending the day at high school, but when he got home he was distraught. He is not with any of his friends and has been put in a class of 30 strangers, he is convinced that he will never make friends and will be all alone. He cried all day at school and then all evening with me.

He is normally a really happy and sociable boy, but this has really affected him badly, especially when some of the other classes had up to 5 kids from his primary school in them. It just seems so unfair.

I am not sure whether to tell him to get on with it or whether to speak to the school about moving him. I am sure he will make friends eventually, but he cannot understand that.

I know lots of children go into schools knowing nobody, but his reaction has been so extreme I am really concerned.

Any advice please

I'd speak to the school and see what they can do they might be able to move him or support him to get to know people in his class. Some schools do summer transition programmes to support more vulnerable young people, he might have slipped through the net for these groups as they wouldn't have thought he needed to be involved.

I'd speak to the school too. Seems an odd allocation of pupils if there is no one from his school in his class.

Definetly speak to the school. If they have good pastoral care then they should listen to you and move him.

Yes, definitely speak to the school as that sounds very unfair. He should have at least one person in his class that he knows I would have thought.

When elder child started high school one child in her primary class ended up in a form class with no one she knew. Lone child was understandably confused why this has happened. Anyway no changes were made. Three full year later that particular lone child appears to have retained many of her old pals and made very many new ones as when I see her she's surrounded by mates.

My child ended up with five girls from her previous class in her first high school form class. This was a huge disappointment to DD. Not a good mix. Not surprisingly very quickly they all moved on to other people. She only speaks to one of them now and to my knowledge the other four aren't at all close...

However as he's upset I'd get him to talk to his pupil support teacher even if you have to engineer the meeting quietly behind the scenes. If you give him the tools to try and resolve it for himself he will feel a little more grown up IMHO.

Well on his first day he will know how lonely other boys (and girls feel) so heshould look around and if anyone else looks on their own say 'hi'.

Make a sticker chart with him, he can get as many stickers a day as new people he speaks to, including teachers. When he has got 35 stickers he gets a treat, which is to go to pizzahut / mcdonalds/ wherever is his favorite with one or two of his new friends.

Thanks everyone for the advice. I have called the school and left a message for his Head of Year 7. Fingers crossed.

My DS has been put with one friend and two kids he can't stand. He has transition days tomorrow and Wednesday and is clearly nervous but also excited I think.

Anyway just to say that I went to my secondary school on my own, I didn't even recognise one of the other 180 girls! In fact for me it was a great thing and I found far better friends at secondary rather than primary. I found my right 'place' without any of the preconceptions people have from primary.

I hope your DS is ok and gets his head round it now he knows the situation.

DD was put with the local bully who had given her grief before. I contacted the school to say there was an issue & could the form tutor keep an eye on things. Chose not to ask her to be moved as it might end up being a case of jumping into the fire. Form tutor always absolutely useless & DD moved class in year 8 but was still bullied by the local pain in the backside. Moved DD to a local private school in year 9 after fighting a losing battle with the school.

I'd talk to DS & talk to the school now. Everything may be OK by the time he starts at school properly especially if they mix the classes up for different subjects. OR you might end up with our nightmare story! Admittedly our story is a worst case scenario.

I spoke to the Head of Year 7 and she was fantastic. She said that I can move my DS to a class with one of his friends and that he could choose which class to move to. They have also arranged for a counsellor to go to his primary school and have a chat with him about his worries about moving school. I am so impressed with them. He is over the moon.

Thanks MNers for your fantastic advise.

Fab news, that should make him happier!

I don't think this is all that uncommon. When I started Y7 I was alone from my primary school in a class of 30, all the rest were together in another form! I was distraught too, but it did turn out ok in the end, because there were several other people in the class in the same position.

So I would say when the HoY calls back, ask her where all the others in the class are from - do they all know others in the class? If not, this could be very positive. Maybe you could give the school your details and ask that they pass them on to one of the other 'lone' child's parents, and they could meet over the summer? The school will probably do this if they know how worried your DS is.

oops, missed the update. good news then!

What a lovely positive outcome!

My son's school was fantastic when he started as the only one from his primary school.

After a few weeks, the form tutor phoned all the parents up to introduce herself and give us her email address and to let us know how our children had settled in. It's been a great school so far and it sounds like your son's school is going to be equally supportive.

He's very lucky!

Well done to his hoy, but you need to bear in mind that in many secondary schools he will not be taught in his tutor group so will only be with them for a relatively brief part of the day