I went to Year 7 induction day and I am now scared

[minesawine]

My DS goes to a small primary and is starting a large 12 form intake secondary school in September. It was my first choice and is a great school, but I after attending the parent induction yesterday, everything seems real and quite scary.

They were saying that they give quite a lot of homework and that he must manage his homework timetable himself and take responsibility for what is given in on which day. His primary does not give any homework, and I think I will need to work with him to make sure it is done, corrected and given in on time. I think he will be quite shocked by the amount he gets and his lack of freedom.

I am worried about him making new friends as the school mixes the children from primary schools up and he will probably not be with his primary friends. He is quite shy, although very friendly and popular.

He has always been in top groups for everything and the new school said they have 7 sets per subject and he may not be in the top group anymore. I think this will upset him as he is quite proud of being in the top group.

Etc etc.......

There were so many small things that I thought "oh dear! how will he cope" I am probably being really stupid, but from being really excited about his move to secondary school, I am now feeling a bit nervous, which I am hiding from him because I dont want my issues to affect him at all.

Is this normal or am I being really stupid?

I think you need to sit down with him and explain what the induction day mentions and how that will need to be sorted, also don't feel like he has to do 3 hrs of homework on a subject heavy night, limit it to 20 mins each and he can always go back and do more, look at the hw diary together once he gets in and have him explain what he needs to do then do some before tea and some after.

I think its normal to be worried, my dd's dont start high school for a few years yet but my step dd started last year (she went from a tiny primary to a huge high school), she has coped very well with the homework, i think to begin with its a novelty and they enjoy doing it, a lot of the home work is based on fun things (making a model of something, researching etc..), he will get used to it and will work out the best way to stucture his day to fit in the home work as well as doing his own activities.

As for not being in the top groups, this may do him good and give hime more to work towards, i know with my dd she kind of gives up once she's reached the top group and looses interest.

This is normal for a 'first time going to secondary' process! Or I was like this anyway! Am sure he will need support with the homework from you at first but he will get used to it. And the school is setting up its expectations - that the kids are responsible - but is bound to appreciate that some Yr 7s will take a while to adjust. My DD had a similar experience with setting in maths where she was suddenly with really able mathematicians and did find it a shock after primary where she had been in top groups, but isn't amazing at maths. Could you talk him through this if it happens? It may not - he may be in top sets anyway! Does he get a transition day too - a chance to meet the other kids in his form? It IS scary for them and us - but only for a short while! Am sure he wills settle just fine!

was very worried about my DS13 when he first went to senior school as he lacks the organisation gene!! however I think you find that they grow up very quickly and take responsibility for taking the right books and doing homework. Usually it isn't too much on any one night.
His school has planners that every cuild has with their timetable and homework diary. We have to sign to say wev'e seen it each week so we know which homework needs doing....getting a bit lax no....me not him!!

it doesn't matter if you are nervous. It isn't you that will be going! I know it's a big step for them but IME they are more prepared for it than you think. If you've been thinking about it, just imagine who much more he has been thinking about it. He will have been talking to the other children in his school and sharing opinions and worries.

Does the primary do any preparation with them? Perhaps talk to his current teacher and find out what they do.

But above all, take a deep breath and keep smiling. This is a move that has to be made. You chose the school for what seemed like good reasons so the reasons remain. He is (presumably) happy with it.

When my DS went up he fitted in from day one. There were things that worried him but he coped because he wanted it to happen. DD took longer but she hadn't wanted to move up - but it only too half a term until she was happy as a pig in smelly stuff.

Don't worry. He will cope. He will have a school diary, he needs to write everything down. He may panic, and forget to do a couple of pieces, but a detention will probably help him remember! Encourage him to do hw straighaway after a short break/snack and try and have one day at the weekend completely homework free.

Encourage him to go in with a big smile on his face, even if he feels wobbly inside. That way he'll appear confident and friendly. Don't worry about him not being with his friends...secondary school is all about making new friends.

What do you mean by lack of freedom?

Don't worry!

I think you will find that half the homework in year 7 is "designing posters" (grrrrr). As a "top group" person your ds will certainly not find year 7 at all arduous.

My ds went from a large primary school so had quite a few children he knew in his tutor group. In a matter of weeks he had all new friends and now his closest friends (now in year 9) he had never clapped eyes on before he joined secondary school.

Ds kept getting lost at first (he is quite a loon, though) so I told him not to lose sight of the others!

Hello minesawine.......don't worry and yes it is completely normal.

They grow up a huge amount in the next few months (sob), and it is very exciting to see how they rise to the challenges.

Schools go on about homework so they get into good habits and take it seriously, which is important in the long run. I know children at lots of secondary schools and a tiny minority have had real problems with the volume of work in the younger years. Yes, if you can help him organise himself so he gets into good habits, that will help set him up for later. I think the main thing is to accept that homework is a fact of life, get it done, then have fun, resistance is futile! I agree with others, a lot of it is enjoyable and engaging.

On friends, some make friends quickly, some don't, but being with friends from primary school can be a mixed blessing I think. They are so much busier and there is so much going on at good schools, that there are plenty of options if you don't immediately find a group of friends. A lot of schools seem to encourage year 7s to go to the library (where they may well meet like minded souls or have a little snooze which helps them at first!), or they have film clubs or sports or other activities where it is completely fine to turn up on your own.

On the groups, maybe you can talk to him gently about how in such a big school there will effectively be several top sets with little between them, and that it is a good way of meeting different people?

I completely understand why you are worried, it seems such a big step. Try breaking it down, so practice his journey and local public transport if relevant over the summer, get him sorted with a cheap mobile if that is the way you are going, and how to use it without running up bills, get his uniform and bag in good time, gradually get him used to being more independent - and have fun while doing all of this! I think this all helps, before the onslaught of more new things to sort out in September.

Try not to worry, but you are not being stupid. It is a big step but most people I know were pleasantly surprised or better by the reality.

I'm another to say dont worry. The school is used to having new starters. It is actually one of the things they tend to manage very well.

My DCs school decided this year to introduce a fortnightly rather than weekly timetable! They all coped fine.

They do grow up so much over the next few months. If they go back to primary to visit for any reason they look like giants!

last years thread which may provide some comfort to you.

I was really scared for my dd - going on the bus for the first time to an out of catchment school. the homework was scary, I was convinced she would be bullied and get on the wrong bus and end up in Timbuktu. I didnt think shed have time to have a life any more.

Fast forward to now and my dd is absolutely thriving. Yes she is busy, but she has time for lots of activities as well as homework. A good group of friends and has never got on the wrong bus.

It did take some support in the first couple of months. She needed help to keep her books sorted. Be prepared with lots of stickyback plastic for book covering. Get him into a good routine that works for him.

One thing that helped I think was that we put a proper desk in dds room over the summer holidays with her first laptop with lots of pens paper, noticeboard etc. It gave her a proper work station to make working t home easier. I'd review each night with her what needed to be done when. They soon (hopefully) get the hang of that themselves.

Dont worry if he doesnt make friends straight away - I think thats actually quite a wise strategy - to weigh up who you like first! Theres such a huge pool of children to choose from that I think you get much better friendship matches in Secondary.

My ddtwins are yr 8 now, from a tiny school to a fairly large comp. Only about half of their class from primary went to this one too. The first term they were still very reliant on their old friends, but by Christmas the house started to be routinely full of new children especially on Fridays. He really is ready to move and it will be fine, and the workload will be ok too.

He'll have a diary to log his homework in, and for you to check. It mau be worth getting him ti the habit of doing the work on the day its set rather than the night before he has to hand it in as that way he gets stuff out of the way quicker.

Also while he may not have primary school pals in his form he will have the odd lesson with them and be able to have lunch woth them and breaktimes.

I agree with the 20 min hw thing. 20 min per subject set and come baxk to it the next day if not finished in 20 mins.

Also while it would be helpful if you could offer support and guidance in the firat year, please dont get into the habit of actually 'doing' his homework.

It really is very normal for you to be nervous. Do your best not to pass that on to him - talk about all the things he is looking forward to rather than the things you are worrying about.
Remember - the school have done this all before.... for 360 pupils last year, and 360 pupils the year before, and....
They will have systems in place to support the Yr7s (different in different schools - TAs or 'buddies' or 6th formers all there to help them out)
The staff will be used to Yr7s being a bit confused to begin with.
They will have a 'planner' to guide them
The homework will be gentle to start with.
etc.,etc.
Prepare him with the things you can influence - knowing the journey, being used to travelling on his own, get him used to being responsible for sorting out what he needs to take into school tomorrow, being used to having a key and letting himself in, make sure he has stuff like pens and pencils and a sharpener, and then spare stuff, etc., etc.

School will support him once he's on the premises.

Oh, and MN will support you - there's always a long 'My dc is going to secondary school' thread.

Thank you everyone. This forum is fantastic.

I realise I need to get a grip. I think I went through a bit of doubt about whether I had chosen the right school for him and therefore committed him to 7 years of misery. But I know I have made the right decision and the school is one of the best in London.

He has has his induction day with the school in a couple of weeks and is really excited. He is ready to leave primary behind.

I am going to get him a desk for his bedroom and try to get him organised into routine. Ha Ha

It will be great for him to make new, long term friendships. It is never to early to learn that life constantly changes.

And best of all - I don't have to talk to all those horrible, bitchy mothers at the primary school gates ever again - YEY!!!!!

I promise he will be fine.
My two went from a village primary of 60 children in the whole school. Their comp admittedly isn't huge but in comparison it is and they both settled in easily.
The secondary school will put huge efforts into the transition as others have said.
Now, regardless of what the school say about him managing his homework timetable himself you are perfectly entitled to help him. Mine had far too much HW at primary but it still didn't help with the organisation.

Oh and try and get him in the habit of packing tomorrows school bag tonight.

He'll have a ball- I really saw all mine 'blossom' at secondary. Agree with bag packing the night before. I also insist on them filling in the kitchen calendar with important dates too, just so we can double check things!

He'll have a ball- I really saw all mine 'blossom' at secondary. Agree with bag packing the night before. I also insist on them filling in the kitchen calendar with important dates too, just so we can double check things!

I must admit, the increased homework aspect was one of my concerns with the transition from sate primary to secondary. My son was in a private school where they were given homework every night, to a state primary where what they were given barely made 40 minutes a week. This led me to giving him homework I'd set myself so the increased volume in secondary school this September, wouldn't be a massive shock to his system; especially because the school he's going to is quite hardcore. I was even planning on giving him bits over the six weeks holidays. It's good to know that maybe I've over prepared him and the transition is not as bad as I thought it would be.

I went from a primary with no homework (and in fact a wasted year as we were the first to do the 12+ so stayed at primary school an extra year without being taught anything new). We had loads of homework at the secondary school, complete with prep book to be signed by parents. No problem at all about doing it as it was all new and rather exciting. I'm more worried about my ds moving to senior school from primary where he is inundated with homework and sees it as the chore it is (took me a few years of secondary to work out homework wasn't fun!).

I teach in a huge school and some of the children we get have been the only Year 6 in their tiny primary! We mix the children up for that reason, otherwise they stick in their primary gangs. They make friends so quickly, you wouldn't believe it. In a big school, we know how confusing it can be so we all look out for new ones. They're pretty much escorted everywhere for the first week or so, they have older 'buddies' and if any new year 7 looks lost any adult will stop and help them - honestly, it's second nature to us and not a problem at all. No matter how busy I am, I'd always stop and ask a "little one" if they were OK or needed help.

Your ds will be fine, and so will you!

My ds went from a small primary to a large (165 per year), all boys school. His primary was Catholic and had a caring, warm atmosphere where everyone looked out for each other and was very respectful. His new school is the opposite! Very blokey, very boisterous, totally Godless!

I worried endlessly about how he would cope with the huge change, all the homework and having to be responsible.

He needed lots of support after school in y7. He did his (vast amounts of) homework at the table and I would sit with him and help if he needed it. Their planners are great - they really help them to be organised. Over that year he got used to managing his time and taught himself to revise. He even got brave enough to get the bus to school (only took a term and a half ).

He has of course, loved every minute and hasn't had a single day when he hasn't come home with a smile on his face. He has made great friends too.

My PFB will be going from a sweetly secure little school to a huuuuuge one full of giant girls with bosoms and rolled-up skirts, and only one child she knows from primary (whom she's not wild about) will be going with her - plus another friend at another primary - and she will be having to do Proper Work with homework and all...

....and she can't wait and I have no worries for her at ALL. For one thing they have their induction day, and a web forum for the upcoming Y7s where they can all come on and do their mini-MNing over the summer, and if I know DD1 she will have about 13 BFFs by the time she starts - and above all, this is the right time for them.

And if they're not in the top group, well, they're not.

Oh and before you know it it's gone. Poof. My PFB had his last day at school yesterday after 5 very happy years.

all primaries HAVE to give homework - how has it manage d not to'?