Good housemasters - What should we look for?

[TheMead]

We are in position to make final decision for a house in Eton (though my question may not necessarily applicable for a particular school). As we looked around four houses, housemater's characters and their ways to approach boys seem different.

We were told that housematers oversees 'life' in the school, as opposed to 'academic' aspect. The latter may be applicable for 'tutors', i prsume.

Since both of us have no indie experience, it is kind of hard to imagine what makes good housematers and beneficial to my boy for 5 years.

For those who have experienced personally or as a parent, could it be show stopper if the housemater-to-be gave us kind of acceptable impression, i.e. less than excellent?

I think you have got to form some kind of impression how the Housemaster will "parent/mentor" your son. When we looked for our DS ( now 14 so in first year of boarding) we toured three houses at DS proposed school and met three different HMs. First HM we met was a barrel of laughs, but just didn't get a warm feeling about the way he responded to some of our questions about routine, prep supervision, dealing with problems etc. Second HM we met was a bit of a rugby nut, but didn't seem to care or talk about anything else, house and the house he showed us round was frankly a bit of a mess.

And finally, we met our man- calm, took all our questions seriously and had answers we liked ( without appearing scripted)- spent a lot of time during the tour actually explaining everything to DS rather than us. He was new at his job ( although an older teacher and hadn't been an HM before) and had already with his wife spent a lot of time and effort in making the house look really smart and gave he impression that he cared about the whole house as if it were his own. His ethos in running the house was to have very high standards of behavioural expectations, but not a huge number of rules, recognising that "boys and boys" but that they were there for a purpose- ie to learn!

Two and bit terms in, our son really likes his HM, says there is no bullying/poor behaviour in house, the rules and expectations are really clear, he is sympathetic when you have issues and will dig you out of holes with other teachers re prep etc if you are honest with him, DS has never heard him shout. From our perspective, he seems to have a good handle on our sons academic progress ( even though he doesnt teach him at all) and other activities in school, replies to emails,phone calls very promptly.

So my overriding advice would be look for someone you feel you can relate to, shares your educational ethos, seems to relate well to the kids in house, and will his personality suit your son?

Schoolchauffeur has given a good insight into the experience!

Would tend to agree with everything they've said. DS started boarding in year 9 and initially loved every moment of it. Gradually he began to dislike boarding yet adored his school so left us in quite a dilemma of should we remove him and go for a day place at his second choice school. In the end, it was the Housemaster who kept DS going. He ensured he was actively involved in the school council as a house rep, regularly sought him out out for plenty of private chats and ensured the matrons acted likewise. DS has chosen a day school nearer to home for sixth form but cannot blame the house or house staff. Boarding was just something he thought he'd enjoy doing, but actually he likes his home creature comforts too much.

I would say of utmost importance is the team supporting the Housemaster. His wife/partner will be an active participant in house life as will any of their children. DS's housemaster has a young son who loves having 60+ big brothers! You then have the matrons, house tutors and last but hardly least the cleaning staff. They all create a house ethos and that X factor you are looking for for your child. I shall be very sad when DS leaves next month and I know he'll look back and see how much he has learned from his boarding experience.

Wishing you luck for your DS at Eton.

The HM is a key person in making boarding a success or not. In some schools they have considerable autonomy in my DS's house they are responsible for academic, pastoral and disciplinary well-being of the boys, so getting it right is essential.We too met three one we just didn't like, one who was charming someone who you would love to meet at a party and third a man who talked about himself and his ethos on life; if you interviewed someone for a job you would want to interview them, find out whether they are good at, what they do, whether they have passion and vision. How do they act in a variety of situations there general demeanour their ethos and if its was the similar to yours. Obviously we wanted someone who the boys can relate to but thats all part of the same thing.
What you have to ask yourself is can I talk to this man (or women), can I tell him that my husbands run off the the milkman and know that he's going to help your DG in a way that you would want. We listened and knew that our HM had the boys best interest at heart doing what was right for them (remember this may not always be right for you especially as they get older). In nearly two and a half terms we know are decision was the right one. On three occasions we have contacted our HM with problems, no the DH has not run off with the milkman, all relatively trivial, on one occasion I hadn't even finished explaining my worries and our HM said he too had picked it up and was already sorting it out and it is now resolved, another a fairly trivial although sad family issue I was bowled over with how kindly it was handled and the third handled so quickly and efficiently; within 30 mins of sending an email. We know we made the right decision but that does not mean thats its the right decision for another family.
The interesting thing would be for a HM to say what makes good parents. I see it from the other side in my job. Many parents send their children to boarding school and still feel that they need to micromanage their children's life this probably drives HM's matron and tutors etc. up the wall! Trust them to do the right things step back and let them get on with it lets face it thats what your paying for. You and your DC's will also benefit from it!

We are very happy with our housemaster eventhough he wasn't our first choice but with hindsight he should have been. He was the only housemaster that responded to every email or query within a short space of time, he seemed to know what we very boy was doing and when and this, I feel is the most important thing as there is nothing worse than having emails or queries ignored. Initially we were looking for other things, and probably the wrong things or that we got on like a house on fire with the housemaster. But it's not about the parents but the child. A tutor who is not the best at conversing with a parent can often have the most wonderful relationship with the boys and at the end of the day, our kids are at Eton, not us!

Dogs and young kids in the house has also been a positive. Often a boy struggling wi homesickness will find comfort playing with a young child or the house pets. Some of the house pets were confined to the maser's side but the house we have has the dog running in and out of the boys rooms!

I cannot thank everyone above that assures our objective. Our choice of HM after a number of tours is changed with very short notice (instead of 2-3 years of transition period). All of a sudden, we have no other option but to accept the one the school appointed. I'm sure it would be greater impact to existing boys.

On one side, I appreciate the fact that such thing could happen and hesitate to give wrong (picky-ness or prejudice) impression. On the other, it feels that we miss our opportunity to choose HM right for DS. There will be further discussion with the school later on, but considering the admission system, I am not sure if the school can offer alternative solution despite my trust to the school.

We weren't given any of our choices, and I'm now so grateful that we were given a housemaster we didn't choose. I really dislike the system but it's worked for us so far!

First, I?d like to congratulate you and your DS to be in this envious position to be going to Eton and now finalising a House. Having achieved the former, the latter will be relatively insignificant, I?d say. Eton is a big family and like any big family, each member of the family is different and yet, they all strive towards the same goal(s) which is one of the main reasons why the Eton community is ever so exciting and always buzzing.

At least you have a choice of four houses. My DS didn?t have a choice when he went there - he went straight to College whose housemaster happens to be a woman, the first-ever and only woman housemaster to date in the School?s almost 600-year-old history. Not that I have anything against women but at the time I?d have preferred a male housemaster in a time-honoured all-male school like Eton.

But did it really matter in the end?

Absolutely not!

As it turned out, the appointment of a female housemaster for the first time ever (and to College at that!) that shook the core of the School?s foundation when it happened, proved to be an extraordinary foresight on the part of the headman to bring the School into the 21st century. We have today, female fighter pilots, juggernaut drivers and even astronauts so why not a female housemaster? Now, after 6 years, lady housemaster is still ruling supreme at College and is doing a fantastic job.

That?s just a little point to demonstrate it?s not absolutely vital to have the ?right? housemaster. There?s no such thing as the ?right? housemaster. At Eton, your DS will be in good hands wherever he goes. For example, if he joins the CCF he?d be guided by experts in all things military, not the housemaster. Should he needs specialist advice on anything, the housemaster will find the right person to advise and help if he/she feels the subject matter is beyond his/her scope. Your boy will be outside of his house 90% of the time doing one thing or another. He only goes back to his house in the evenings when he?d see the housemaster maybe during meal times or free time.

Instead, I?d say the Dames (matrons) would have had a better understanding and relationship with your boy. In most houses, the dames would be the only female figures in the whole house (barring the cleaners) and they would act as alternative ?mothers? to the boys.

The personal tutor also plays an important part in a boy?s life at Eton. He is really the one who oversees the boy?s academic work and sounds out the housemaster if he detects problems. He would also take his tutees out at weekends e.g. to London or shows/plays in Windsor or anywhere interesting to engage the boys and possibly to discuss about things they might see. I once received a report from my son?s tutor saying they?ve discovered some ?hidden talents? in my DS?s cooking abilities. He, together with some fellow tutees were asked to cook a meal at the tutor?s house for everybody including the tutor?s family and DS?s task was to cook some rice but he produced a big pot of porridge instead!

I think that although peternas does have a point about it may not being essential at Eton but at other schools it might be. Some are exceedingly housecentric and as I've said the HM has considerable autonomy and if significant variations occur between the house then choosing the right HM for you becomes more important. The one other thing you do need to ascertain is how large the teaching committemnt is of your HM in some schools the HM can also have other significant roles in a school e.g. director of studies and this inevitably means he will have less time for the chidren in his/her care