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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Sending your child to a different school from her friends...

24 replies

kirsty1979 · 02/05/2012 22:51

Hi all, looking for some advice from any other parents out there. We applied for and got accepted to a fantastic secondary school outwith our catchment area, but no other children from my daughters primary school are going with her. Her older sister is also at this secondary school and has fitted in wonderfully however she is more outgoing and confident than my younger daughter.

Wondering if anyone else is in this dilemma. I have a quiet, studious young girl i'm fretting over. Better school VS Knowing nobody...

OP posts:

rubyhorse · 02/05/2012 22:56

Interested in responses - we'll probably end up doing this one day, too...

trixymalixy · 02/05/2012 22:58

Also watching as we are probably going to do this too, albeit at Primary.

crazynanna · 02/05/2012 22:59

My dd went to a school being the only one from her primary. But she was having a hard time with primary (bullying,girls' ganging up),so was a blessing for her. She has been absolutely fine...a few hiccups with a Queen Bee in the class...but she made friends' very quickly.

Original poster

kirsty1979 · 02/05/2012 23:03

Sorry to hear that Crazynanna, glad she made friends though.

Quite comforting for me to hear. I suppose her big sister being their will be a good thing as well. She's just so quiet and small....too small for secondary school! :(

We will be spending the summer building her confidence i think...and mine too.

OP posts:

crazynanna · 02/05/2012 23:06

She will be fine Kirsty...I am sure of it.

Girls' are good at making friends'

IdontknowwhyIcare · 03/05/2012 06:25

One hundred years ago when this happened to me, my mum contacted the school and asked for someone in the same year who lived nearby and we all had tea together. Gosh those were the days.

chenin · 03/05/2012 06:43

You would be mad not to take this up. My DD1 went to a secondary school where she knew absolutely no-one when she started and it was a brave decision of mine! BUT it was such a good school I couldn't miss the opportunity for her.

You have a DD so you know how much they make and break friendships at this age and yes, I know your friends are important but your lifelong education is more important at this stage.

I did spend a lot of time nurturing her and being totally hands on easing her into this school but my god, was it worth it. I can never understand parents who let their child choose the school. At this age, it needs input and the right decision from parents. The ones she knew who went to the other school (the parents of them thought I was mad) didn't do so well as my daughter.

BTW, she is 23 now... she cried for a week when she left the sixth form there because she loved her school so much, she has been on to a top Uni and is starting a Graduate Scheme in the Autumn. I thank my lucky stars I made this brave decision.

mummytime · 03/05/2012 06:43

If she's got an older sister there, does big sis have any friends who have a little sis whose going to start this year too? Maybe you could organise a little tea party?
Also do go along to any events at the big school.

chenin · 03/05/2012 06:48

(p.s. She didn't really cry for a week when she left... it just felt like it :o She is a drama queen!)

Suffolkgirl1 · 03/05/2012 08:23

My older two DC's (now year 7 and 9) both went to secondary school (different schools) as the only child from their primary and knowing no-one before they started. It was the right decision for both of them, both soon made new friends (in DS's case better than he ever had at primary school) and they are very happy.
Is the school arranging an induction day later this term? If so send her with a notepad and encourage her to collect some contact details of some of her future classmates so she can communicate (in person or email/ text ect.) over the holidays.
Friendship groups change a lot in year 7, even when children do know each other from primary and secondary school's often "mix them up" so she may not be with her friends even if you send her to the local school.

Original poster

kirsty1979 · 03/05/2012 08:49

Thanks everyone, it makes sense in my head and i think i'm more worried than her, in fact, she's not worried at all. lol. There's two induction days in June which she will be attending also. My hubby think's i'm melting down because our babies will both be in secondary school...quite possibly true. It's easy when they are babies but nobody can prepare you for the teenage years! Eeek.

Helliebean, thats so great about your daughter! You must be proud! This school is the top school in our area, very difficult to get a place. I'm pretty sure all the primary school parents think i'm some kind of momster, but you're right, education means everything the now.

I just need to calm myself down! Hehe.

OP posts:

HSMM · 03/05/2012 08:50

Couldn't get my DD into either of the schools her friends were going to. She's in yr8 now and loves her school. The school did do a couple of fun days in the summer holidays for children about to go into yr7 which helped. It's worth finding out if your school does anything like that.

HSMM · 03/05/2012 08:51

Cross post about induction days

rubyrubyruby · 03/05/2012 08:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lavenderlois · 03/05/2012 09:00

I went to a secondary school that none of my primary school friends went to and I was very very shy and quiet. I made friends quickly so really dont worry about it! Send her to the school!

Bletchley · 03/05/2012 09:01

They all make new friends when they start secondary. My sons have moved without any of their friends to an independent secondary that has its own junior school. Their friends include boys from the junior school who have changed friendship goups, it all shakes up when they start secondary. Don't worry she'll be fine.

chenin · 03/05/2012 09:18

kirsty... it sounds like you have a gut feeling this is right and you should go with that. I was on tenterhooks a bit in the first year with my DD and there were a few ups and downs, but in the end it worked, and I cannot praise the school enough for what they did for her. Yes I am proud mummy because she is a delight although extremely vexing a lot of the time but that's just the drama queen bit!

Your DD will be fine but of course it is a big step for YOU with them both at secondary school, I remember this stage soooo well. My DD2 then followed her big sis on to the same school and loved it too. Does your DD1 like it? Can she make encouraging noises to her lickle sis?!

janeyjampot · 03/05/2012 09:41

Both of mine started secondary at a school 15 miles away without any of their friends. It was very hard in the run up when everyone at primary (they were all going to the local secondary) was talking about which form they'd be in and the uniform but once they got there it was fine. The new school was very well set up for integrating them and we are so pleased we did it (they are in Yr8 and Yr9 now).

One word of caution - both had terrible induction days, despite what looked like a good programme from the school etc. I think they went with very high hopes but the reality was that they were not going to come home from an induction day with a new best friend. The other new children were nervous as well and stuck to their primary school friends like glue, leaving my DDs alone for much of the day. This made the July/August very difficult as we fretted about making friends and fitting in. However, once they actually started everything was fine. So don't worry if the induction days aren't wonderful - it's a difficult day for everyone.

Original poster

kirsty1979 · 03/05/2012 09:42

I do think it's the right thing to do, and she will thrive within this environment.

My older daughter actually started the local secondary school and i removed her and managed to secure her a place mid-term in the better school. To say we had a bad experience at our local secondary school would be an understatement. There was all sorts of nonsense going on, rumour of drugs circling the school, money being stolen, etc.. When i went to the school with concerns, they said they couldn't help me and police officers were going to be a future possibility around the school...so i wrote to the education department and had her removed. I just didn't see why my child had to be exposed to that environment out-with my care.

She fitted into the new school wonderfully, but that's the kind of girl she is. Everyone's friend! Although she misses her old friends, she has made new ones and she is a happy young lady who is being academically challenged in a lovely environment.

Yes, I'm slowly talking myself round here.... he-he!

OP posts:

gettingalifenow · 03/05/2012 09:46

I've done this three times, with all three DCs.

With DS we moved him alone at 7 to a prepr school where he knew no one then at 13 he moved with 2 other boys to a big day independent.

DD1 we moved at 11 to a day independent - 2 other girls from her year moved too, so not entirely alone but her three buffs all went together to the local comp - that was really hard for her but she always knew that was the plan and we never indicated there was any choice.

And DD2 moved alone to the same school at 11 but obviously had the advantage of her sister being there already. Again, she always knew that was where she was going. It did help that her best friedn was in exactly the same position of following her sister elsewhere alone.

They adapt - they make great friends and they eventually thank you for making that decision for them (I can say that as the two oldest Re both now at uni)

If you have the opportunity to meet up with others in the class before hand that really helps - we had picnics at the girls school - everyone was in the same position so everyone was making the effort.

Will your DD have a taster day where she can bump into her class mates? Is there any way she could maybe give out her Facebook details And start an online group with a few people to chat over the summer

Original poster

kirsty1979 · 03/05/2012 09:46

Thanks janeyjampot, this school is miles away from our home also. I'm going to phone the school to see what the programme is for the induction days...the intakes from the feeder primary schools were low this year so there are about 50 other kids outwith the area of the school who applied as well so there should hopefully be a wee icebreaker for these wee ones...fingers crossed.

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wordfactory · 03/05/2012 12:28

DD went off to secondary school knowing no one. Though, to be fair, we chose the school knowing this would be the case.

It was absolutely not a problem. Every effort was made by the school (sent her class list beforehand) and many of the parents contacted us over the summer and arranged bowling trips for the whole class etc.

I also advised DD to join everything in the first term, to mke as many friends as possible. Somehting she took to heart!!! The list of extra curricula stuff is endless...And to invite as many girls back here as she liked.

Mrsrobertduvall · 03/05/2012 12:28

I think yr 6/7 is a natural time for children to move away from primary friends and make new ones....I wouldn't be at all worried.
Tell her to go into her induction day with a big smile on her face, try and make a new friend ...if she meets someone really nice, swop home numbers and try and meet up in the summer.
Smiley children look approachable and fun....miserable children don't. Even if she has butterflies.....keep smiling!!!!

twoteens · 03/05/2012 15:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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