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Original poster

Moving to Rugby - advice please

20 replies

rugbydent · 21/04/2012 20:20

Hello,
Finally, after 3years of emotional turmoil, DH and I have decided that I will move out with DS1 (12) and DS2 (8) in July. We?ve really tried, but I can?t keep up the pretence and the stress of pulling off the ?arrangement? (living together but leading seperate lives) is a daily struggle. I find myself becoming resentful and bitter. I really can?t go on like this ? I have to think about my kids? well-being and my own. I?ve explained all to DH and so far, he?s being very understanding, BUT, and this is a very BIG BUT, we come from a very big South Asian extended family, and when we tell his family, they will try and punish me in any way they can (cultural issues - family honor, shame etc).

We aim to have an amicable separation with hard ground rules that we will both stick to. It will be harder for DH because his parents will try to hurt me and manipulate the kids.

It?s such a daunting thought of living life on my own, and leaving all the home comforts/ social acceptability etc, and I'm sure that is what has kept me here for so long, but I have just got to the point where I can't go on any more.

I?ve started researching schools and houses in the Rugby area and would appreciate any advice about the area, where to live, good schools, (no go areas), etc.

DS1 will start Year 8 in Sept and DS2 Year 4.

It?s incredibly hard and overwhelming. I really hope someone on these threads can help and advise on good schools. big breath I've also posted in the lone parents section.
Thanks, Rugbydent

OP posts:
creamteas · 21/04/2012 23:12

Sorry, I don't know Rugby, but good luck with the move and new life.

shineypenny · 21/04/2012 23:24

Lawrence Sherriff School is a state grammar school and one of the top performing schools in the country so, if you can get your son in there it would be fantastic. So far as primary schools go, there are many as there is still a two tier system, so a choice if primary or junior schools. We have not lived there for several years, but the best schools when we left were those in the surrounding villages, eg Hillmorton Primary

shineypenny · 21/04/2012 23:38

Should have added, those to avoid would be Brownsover Primary and any in the Bilton and Lawford areas. Clifton on Dunsmore School another excellent school and Bilton Grange is local prep school if you can afford it (which would presumably lead on to the infamous Rugby School itself)

Gunznroses · 22/04/2012 09:34

Shineypenny (love your name!) - why is it infamous ?

shineypenny · 22/04/2012 11:02

One of the top public schools in the country. I thought everybody had heard of it - oh, and it was responsible for one of the annoying little oiks on Junior Apprentice recently :)

shineypenny · 22/04/2012 11:26

Have pmed you

didofido · 22/04/2012 12:16

Rugby School likes to give bursaries to state school/single parent families etc. so OP might be in luck there - if she's keen on indies, of course.

LesAnimaux · 22/04/2012 12:36

shineypenny, why do you say avoid any schools in the Bilton area? I've chosen not to send my DC there, but I know lots of people desperate to get their DC into Bilton Junior.

shineypenny · 22/04/2012 13:47

LesAnimaux my info may be out of date, as I haven't lived in Rugby since 2004. I did state this to the op. I sent my dc to St Marie's Infants, but I wouldn't have been happy sending him on to the Junior School. We looked at all the Junior / Primary options at that stage and the comment was based on my thoughts at that time. We moved away anyway, so I have no idea which Junior School he would have been allocated.
When we lived there, you still had the pick of all the schools, no matter where you lived in the town. Maybe that has changed too. Hopefully you can give the op some more up to date advice

Original poster
rugbydent · 22/04/2012 14:16

Thanks all for your very kind posts and messages.

I am indeed moving away from ex-h's family - it'll be an hour's drive from Rugby to where we live now. The moment we tell his parents they will try and punish me in any way they can. My position here is untenable, but surprsingly, ex-DH is being supportive. This is a compassionate seperation, but it's also one helluva risk,moving to an area and new environment where we don't know anyone and we worried about the impact on the children, which I why it is absolutely neccessary to ensure we choose the right school for the children.

DS1 excels at Maths and is very bright, having recently been interviewed by Ofsted at his current school, he is trusted and mature. DS2 is creative, witty and can easily adapt to new situatons.

I have researched several schools and will make appointments with Lawrence Sherrif, Ashlawn and Rugby. Although, with the latter, I will not be able to afford the fees required, so I will enquire about their bursary scheme.

What are the changes of getting a pupil starting in Year 8 in Sept 2012? I really want to try and make the transition into a new school as smooth as possible. DS1 coped remarkably well when he started his current secondary school, and ideally, I should've moved this time last year, but I was talked into giving the 'arrangement' yet, 'another go'.

Ideally, I'd like to avoid the no go areas in Rugby. I've heard mixed things about Bilton, so would like to avoid that area too. However, it may be the only school that can offer any places - eek - which leaves me with little choice...

It's a really hard and emotional. I have no friends in the area. I'm leaving most of my extended family behind, because once they're aware of my plans to seperate, as far as they're concerned I'll be an outcast. Having said all that, I'm in a much stronger position and can start making plans on a much firmer footing. I intend to continue work, as I get to work from home 3 days a week and 2 days commute to London, which from Rugby is going to be brilliant (at the moment, it's a four-hour round trip!), but I have to ensure my DS1 and 2 get into good schools. I'm just worried about the Year 8 intake - i'm not sure of the admissions policies. I'm sure the popular schools will say they're full, but if I was to find a house within the catchment does this mean they'd have no choice but to offer him a place, say at Ashlawn? I'm really pretty clueless to this and I'm working hard to find out more information, so all your advice and guidance has been much appreciated. Thanks so much

OP posts:
LesAnimaux · 22/04/2012 14:33

TBH, I don't know if they would have to offer you a place if you moved into the catchment of Ashlawn, although you could probably find a house withing walking distance of the train station, and in the catchment for Ashlawn. Paddox Primary, in that area is has a very good reputation. Realistically Bilton High maybe the only high school to offer a place, but it has a new head, and from what I've heard their recent OFSTED wasn't too bad.

shineypenny St Maries is now a primary, with a new head, and I would be more than happy to send my DC there. Wink The only Junior schools with a bad reputation as far as I know are St Andrews and Newbold Riverside.

Original poster
rugbydent · 22/04/2012 14:44

Ah, how interesting is that! You've completely shattered my assumptions about catchment areas. I assumed (wrongly) that you'd have to live very near to the school to qualify for a place, which means I should go and research catchment areas, boundaries etc.

I will call the schools tomorrow morning and arrangement an appointment. I'll also call the county council and check out their policy for Year 8 admissions.

I will keep you all posted with developments.

OP posts:
Original poster
rugbydent · 23/04/2012 11:41

Hi there, I've just enquired with WCC. Places are available at Avon, Bilton and Harris school. Ashlawn offer 256 places, but are full with 259 pupils, which gives me some hope in that if I was to appeal (once i've moved to live within a mile of Ashlawn school - new catchment rules) then I stand a chance. Otherwise, I may have to settle for Bilton. It would be nice to talk to any parents that have sent their children to Bilton, as I'd like to get their views too. I just want to be able to make an informed decision.

Paddox is full in all years. Again, I could appeal, but I may have to consider a different primary school.

On the application process, I cannot apply until I have my tenancy agreement in place, which may take another month or two.

I've also enquired with LSS grammar school this morning and I'm waiting to hear back.

Hope to visit all schools next week, so I'll let you know how I get on.
Thanks again for all your support.

OP posts:
LesAnimaux · 23/04/2012 21:38

For what it's worth, with that choice of high school, I would have chosen Harris. Smile

But, of course, you need to see them for yourself, and what suits me wouldn't suit everyone.

Original poster
rugbydent · 24/04/2012 10:40

Hi LesAnimaux, I've made appointments to view harris, Bilton and Ashlawn next week. The decision will be based on which school DS is most impressed by and comfortable with when meeting the teachers and other pupils, but also I guess largely down to the area we end up renting in.

I'm viewing a house on Richmond Road which is a mile from Ashlawn school, but that doesn't gurantee he'll get in...

OP posts:
LesAnimaux · 24/04/2012 16:57

I like Richmond Road. Smile Great area.

I think children who live there go to Eastlands Primary, as well as Paddox.

Original poster
rugbydent · 24/04/2012 17:33

On LSS Grammar, I've recieved an email today inviting DS to sit the exam on 28 May, which is v close. I've never bothered with private tuiton, but I hear a lot of parents 'coach' their children through private tuition to get their DC through these entrance tests. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I obviously want my DS to do well, but want to avoid putting him under lots of pressure. Any advice?

Three other people have suggested Harris, but the school doesn't seem to perform as well as Ashlawn and Bilton. I know league tables are not the only factor in determining a good school, and I've said before that DS's gut feelings will be taken into account when he comes to visit the school, but I'd be interested to hear your thoughts too. Do you have children or know of anyone at Harris that can give a positive portrayal of the school? So far, I've had a lot of mixed views about it.

So, here's the order:

  1. LSS Grammar
  2. Ashlawn
  3. Bilton

I'm also viewing another house on Penny Lane - a new development with solar panels!! Apparently, it's a private road right next to Ashlawn school, but that doesn't guarantee a place. It's likely that I'd have to appeal if DS does not get an offer from LSS.

OP posts:
LesAnimaux · 24/04/2012 17:40

The reason Ashlawn gets better results than Avon Valley or Bilton and Harris is that it's a bilateral school (it has a grammar stream).

aylsham · 09/05/2012 17:00

I brought my kids up in Rugby also so I could commute to London daily and my husband commuted to Birmingham. We then moved to a small village that we loved so that they could stay at same excellent schools LSS for one and Ashlawn for the other. They each suited the different schools well and now, in their 30s both have excellent careers (not without some hiccoughs on the way though). Good luck

dede79 · 17/05/2012 18:28

hey i am moving there in july as well. best of luck

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