DS12 with a big problem

[Schlumberger]

Just to set the context, this is not boasting, I have to say first of all that DS in Year 7 is extremely bright, tall, goodlooking, and fascinated with world around him. School say he is a natural historian and in top 10 per cent of English students at his selective school. A competent tennis player, rugby player and cricketer. He has an art scholarship at school, is a great cook, an avid reader, devours newspapers and all current affairs programming, got a distinction recently in a public speaking exam, is fascinated by business and economics will tell you he's going to be Chief Exec of a FTSE 100.

Sounds fab, what on earth could be wrong? Well DS has a major, major problem with maths. Always has had. He just doesn't process maths problems, can't see how to approach them. His basic arithmetic is shocking. His lack of interest in even attempting questions is obvious. He is totally switched off to the subject and when really pushed, will break down and cry. I wish this didn't matter but of course it will. The suggestion of a tutor is met with hysteria.

Anyone else got a child like this? I want to fix this for him so badly - am even considering hypnotherapy to try to get rid of this 'block'.

An EO assessment may be more useful to check if he has any specific difficulty that can be addressed.

EP assessment

Yes -go for an EP - could be discalculai

It may be discalculia,but he still has to learn somehow.Maths is so important for future success.The problem is at this age he has worked himself up about it and is trying to ignore the whole situation as he probably perceives it as a failure.I have a 7 year old with this.He hasn't been tested because i don't particularly want him labeled.My parents with some experience recognised this very early on and suggested a tutor.The tutor is an older lady who loves teaching children and has plodded over things again and again.He has now got the hang of things and there has been a sudden improvement.he has also massively increased in confidence.Can you get the school to recommend a tutor that will be right for your son or alternatively look arround yourself for recommendations.Explain to him that he is so successful in everything else that you know he can be successful in maths with the right teaching.Do this as a matter of urgency. Our tutor has parents coming to her in gcse years in panic about their childrens results and she says its just too late to help.Best of luck.

Your son sounds lovely.

My DD (12) has this in a minor way. She is clever and successful at all other subjects but maths just does not click with her. Many tearful evenings over her Maths homework so I will watch the replies to this thread with interest.

Without identifying possible developmental issues, tutoring may help but the tension from learning issue/ blockage will remain. Better to try to clear any blockage before dispensing the material through the system, so to speak. The material just flows through that much faster unimpeded. Tutoring is rarely needed at this early stage of schooling to catch up if a developmental issue is resolved.

Some parents prefer to go to retained reflex therapists, without an EP diagnosis. Going to any service provider, tutor or therapist without an independent diagnosis may save you money if the provider gets it right for your child as well as for their services. OP's DS is not short on intellect or willing, so is a tutor in year 7 really the best answer?

Dyscalculia, like dyslexia, is a meaningless umbrella label covering a diverse range of developmental issues. Targetting any specific developmental difficulty is key. Of course if there is no difficulty, get the tutor in!

DD1 and I also have this problem but in a much much milder form. DD1 goes to a superselective, where the attitude is that even girls who "can't do" maths get an A or A* because of superb teaching. Ironically I trained in a numerate profession in my 30s after avoiding maths since just scraping through my O' level.

Sounds like it may be dyscalculia (don't know spelling). I agree that the Ed Psych may be able to diagnose whether there is a Specific Learning Difficulty and suggest strategies that can help your son. I am sure he is not the only one they would have seen with this problem. It almost sounds like it has become a phobia; it seems to have become the focus of all his fears, again I would expect the Ed Psych to be able to help with that. Can the school refer him to the local service?

Do they have any Sixth form or peer mentoring at school? Maybe that would address your son's objections to tutoring. DD1 had a Sixth Former to help her at lunchtimes for a couple of terms. She is predicted at least an A at GCSE and was barely scraping a C last year.

Ronit Bird writes about dyscalculia, and has some books out with lots of useful activities. I am a maths tutor and am currently using "Overcoming Difficulties with Number" with a 14 year old. Tbh, although I do think I am being useful to him, I'm not doing anything that a motivated parent couldn't do - and I think there would be an advantage in doing 10 or 15 minutes every day, rather than 45 minutes a week.

I wouldn't try to help with whatever topics are going on in school, but just concentrate on the basics. E.g. there's a very simple patience game that involves adding up to 11 - itunes.apple.com/us/app/eleven/id367804268?mt=8 has a good explanation - but of course you could play with this any number as your aim! Just take out the higher numbers and play with a reduced pack. You could play pairs games with him (either by memory with all the cards face down, or with each of you with cards in your hands) reinforcing number bonds, times tables, etc.

All sorts of puzzles can help too. Ms Bird recommends kenken puzzles (although she doesn't call them that) - this page has a daily kenken/calcudoku at various levels of difficulty. At the moment I get my tutee to one of the easiest ones each week - www.calcudoku.org/en/2012-04-06/4/1 - this used to take him about 10 minutes but he can now do it much quicker.

Confidence is such a huge part of it. Get him doing things that you know he will succeed at, and repeat daily. Good luck x

A huge thank you to you all for such informative responses. Will look into all suggestions re retained reflex therapy etc.

The bit I omitted to mention is that I fear DS has inherited his maths issue from his father and me. I got an A in English at O level, but U for Ungraded in maths. DH's parents paid for DH to retake his maths O level SIX times, seriously SIX, and the highest grade he ever achieved was a D.

We have never told DS this stuff about us just in case he ever picked up on it and somehow 'became' it too. But it's happened anyway!

Maybe you should tell him and all 3 of you do some maths practice/games together? Might make him feel better about his difficulty.

I was like this at school. Good at english but struggled to grasp basic maths. I am still the same now although I have lost some of the stifling fear I had at secondary school which helps a little.

I was trying to explain it to my DH not so long ago. Numbers feel very woolly to me, like they are made of clouds in my head so I can't quite get a grip on them, therefore cannot manipulate them with any ease.

You know that feeling when something is on the tip of your tongue but you just can't quite recall it? It's a similar feeling.

I don't have any advice as I have never really overcome it but I would say it is worse when put on the spot or working under pressure.

Good luck with getting help.

I thught discalcula too, and by the sounds of it he may have got that from his dad.

The right tutor might help. Maybe all three of you could do an evening class for GCSE maths

Could it be that if your DS has found he can excel at so many things, without maximum effort, then he assumes that not excelling and needing to make much greater effort, is a sign of failure, so he avoids it altogether?

I have a DS aged 10 like this, with similar issue regarding maths and was like this myself as a child. On a good day, I could get 99%. On a bad day, 47%. I was 'frightened' of maths and never had what I'd call a 'maths brain'. DS is also like this. I'm sure the anxiety about not finding maths easy and clear will be hugely exacerbating the struggle.

Is he 'embarassed' as my DS is, that he just can't 'get it' when it comes to maths? If he were 'just OK' at other subjects, it might not feel so difficult to accept that maths doesn't come naturally. But if he's doing so well in other things, as you say, then he'll probably feel gutted that he's less than fantastic at maths too and the shame will make him avoid it at all costs.

I suspect that if they'd done diagnoses in the old days when I was at school, I'd have been labelled dyscalculic. Instead, I just felt and still feel confused and anxious around anything to do with numbers.

I can hear your pain! This is a bright boy to whom many things come easily growing up in a non-mathematical household who has found maths difficult and is now freaked out about it.

I'm a maths tutor and have met this before. Unlike most other subjects, in maths if you miss / don't grasp one little thing then you don't get the next thing and before you know it you have a problem. What you need is to find a gentle and considerate tutor who is prepared to go right back to the beginning and teach from there. Oh, and no pressure from anywhere else that he is not yet up to standard.

Aliportico is absolutely spot on with her suggestions but you need someone who enjoys maths and is not as emotionally involved as you are to give him the one on one help he needs. Use the term 'one on one teaching' if tutoring upsets him.

Good luck

Its really nice to see so amny people aware or discalcula (sp.) ?

all my life I just dont process numbers, in a grown woman but if someone asks me to read a clock I freeze and still feel like a 7 year old.

If I mention it people look a bit blank and assume Im making excuses so I don't now.

He sounds really intelligent in other area's so yeah get him assessed I'd say.

*It's nice to see so many people aware.

I have of these ,ds1 top set english off to read (hopefully)a social science (politics) at University ,always hated maths.Dh and I actually found this perplexing at first as he has A level maths and I am an accountant with a degree in economics!

Ds1 had some coaching in maths for 11plus ,after which things picked up a bit but he always hated it and because other subjects came pretty easily to him he wasn't used to having reveal his fallibility in class or struggle.By the end of year 10 he was in the 5th set of 5 ,reality broke over him when he realised that no matter how good his other 9 GCSEs were without maths a top university would be out of the question ,we got him a tutor and he worked like a Trojan ,school were also very supportive.It wasn't easy he finds it baffling but he worked at it and yes he got his A even he doesn't quite know how.I would say that he did IGSE and because its more traditional and includes learning theorems etc I think that helped.Also with the tutoring if he needed to spend a whole hour understanding one question he could do it ,there was no holding up the class or feeling embarrassed.

Ds2 is dyscalculic and the more I see of it the more I think ds1 also has some of the same traits ,bizarrely ds3 is complete maths whizz!

I wouldn't do hypnotherapy I would get him a really good tutor one who can boost his confidence in the subject as well as teach him .I would also sit down with him and get him to understand that maths is non negotiable if he wants to be chairman of an FTSE 100 and that economics includes a lot of maths!It may take harder work than anything else but it can be done .What are school doing ,they should be alerted if there is such a disparity in performance and should be aware that a bad maths result would scupper everything else they should be wanting to help .

Good Luck

Your DS sounds lovely! Re the maths my DD ( now nearly 17) was like this age 12 too- floods of tears over homework, tears in lessons etc wouldn't even try etc and sounds in many other areas like your DS. The problem was resolved by a new teacher who had the patience of a saint and allowed her to go right back to basics and get her through each stage and wouldn't move on until he was convinced she could do that bit confidently. She felt she could ask him anything- even basic times tables stuff - without him saying "don't you know that yet?" etc and suddenly it clicked! She ended up with an A at Intermediate 2 Maths last year and is now doing Maths A level! If you had told me that she would be doing Maths A level ( and recently scored 100% in a mock paper) I would have laughed at you.
Would echo the suggestion to find a really sympathetic tutor just to see if you can get him a C in GCSE Maths as a minimum as there are so many uni courses and jobs ( teaching for example) which require a GCSE pass in maths just as a general entrance standard.
Good luck!

Re: aliportico, the Calcudoku puzzles, the main page is at:
www.calcudoku.org

There's a similar site at www.321monkey.com, which
was set up specifically for schools in the Netherlands (the site
is in English and in Dutch, there are separate rankings for
under- and over-18s, and the puzzles are a bit easier).

This page:
www.321monkey.com/calcudoku/ops/teachers/en
has some information for teachers.