Totally unmotivated 15 year old!

[probablyveryunreasonable]

DS is 15 and in year 10. He attends the local school. He is, and always has been, incredibly lazy. We have been told that he is bright. At the recent parents evening we were told his predicted grades from the Yellis test are all Bs, but the teachers believe he is capable of As and A*s in almost every subject, with some hard work.

Here lies the problem! His school books are incomplete - he does just about enough in class to avoid detention apparently. His work is often in pencil as he didn't take a pen. It is clearly rushed and he is obviulsy doing as little as is humanly possible.

He gets practically no homework. This, I know, is a school issue, but he won't then use his free time to revise or even make revision notes or complete work. Some work is on sheets of paper that end up in the bin after months at the bottom of his school bag.

He is apparently very able at science, if he bothers. He doesn't. He has just done two GCSE exams. He got a C and a D. He did revise. But it was more like sat at a table staring into space. We have given him revision tips, which he won't listen to, and bought all the revision guides he needs. I even had to 'make' him do one of the revision tests in the book. He says this is pointless as he has done it all already.

Now he has the results he sways from 'well everyone got Ds' He's in set 2 out of about 9, so I doubt it. To 'well i'm obviously not as briht as everyone thinks I am', to 'well no one revises'.

He gets in from school at about 2.30pm but he does no wortk most nights. yesterday I said he might want to start preparing for exams in may and june - not revising as suh but making sure his notes are up to date, maybe making some revision cards or doing a timetable. Apparently that is me punishing him and making him do extra work. It is also 'gay' (yes he was told off for this comment!) and (geeky).

I now feel I can do no more. He's had money spent on private tuition but the problem isn't that he isn't able, he just can't be bothered and doesn't see why he should. He is quite immature, but laos has been utterly blameless of anything in his entire life, so bad marks are always someone else's fault, or what everyone else got.

Do I sit back and let him get on with it and hope he wakes up in time, or stop him going out and make him revise? At the end of the day these are his exams, so I really feel he should take responsibility, but also feel like a bad mum if I let him fail.

It's a constant source of arguments!

You are the adult here so take full charge. I bet there are a pile of electronic goodies in his room. Maybe they could be moved out and a schedule drawn up of what must be done to get them back eg bring science notes up to date, get the iPod. You've tried ninety nicey, it didn't work. He will call you all manner of things but don't rise to the bait, just walk away. One day he will understand what you did and why.

Gadgets already gone. He has lost laptop (not bought by us!), xbox and ipod. There is now nothing in his room, other than a tv screen that he can't use as nothing is connected to it.. He is also grounded this week for another matter. Still he does nothing.

I sat with him yesterday and told him he will now do 1 hour every day after school at least. He seemed to take it seriously. I explained how to take a subject at a time and write down what parts he needs for exams, sort out his notes etc.

The problem is his books are incomplete at best. But I have bought the revision guides which are pretty comprehensive.

We have a rule that he has to stick in all work sheets etc the day he gets them.

This morning, I find a stack of science sheets in the bin. They could have only got there the last two days.

He's too lazy to even stick a bloody worksheet in his book.

The work done in lessons since parents evening last weekstill show no signs of improvement.

But yet I can't sit back and watch him fail, he's so flipping bright but he does nothing. We are talking half a page of an exercise book in a lesson.

So what now. He's grounded, lost all gadgets and pocket money is dependant on things like (among others) packing bag for school and sticking in worksheets.

I like the idesa of a schedule to get things back, I will have a think on that.

Try the schedule. Maybe he thinks that since he has nothing now there's nothing to lose. If he could see a way to get the goodies, maybe he would try. Is it possible that there's something else going on than just laziness? Teenage depression is massively under diagnosed.

I'm not a fan but I know that kids I teach have been promised ridiculous sums of money or rewards for certain grades. One was even promised £100 per A. Wouldn't be my preferred way to go but could it work?

Has he any idea of what he would like to do when he finishes education?

If he has a career in mind it might be worth working back from that future goal to see what he needs to do to get there and see if that will bring home to him what he needs to be doing.

Failing that you would probably have to work with him to get the information/practice done. Maybe break the session up into 15-20 minute stints that add up to an hour and a half.

Should add sympathy as I also have a Y10 15 year old son who has to be nagged nightly to study. He is permanently attached to his Blackberry.

But aren't they all like this? Seriously aren't the greater majority like this?

No, as a teacher I'd say that a great many do not show the level of application that their parents and teachers would like but this boy is at the extreme end of the spectrum, hence my comments about depression. Most would espond to some degree.

I am pretty sure he's not depressed, but I do think it may seem like an enormous task now to him. The laziness isn't new and we have had these problems for years, only now it's becoming serious as he's running out of time for his GCSEs.

He doesn't really have an idea what he wouild like to do when he is older - we have tried that tack, getting him to look up uni courses and entry requirements etc. I think the main problem is his immaturity - he is only just really hitting puberty and mentally he is also immature. I think a couple of years down the line we wouldn't have this problem, but he doesn't have a couple of years. I don't think he really sees the seriousness of it at all and just thinks that everyone is nagging him for their own amusement!

He has come home today and done some revision notes (without the nagging!) so that's a positive! We'll see how we go.

Persist! That's all the advice I can give you (teacher). Most of the kids we see with these problems go on to bomb because eventually parents cave in and give up. It's really positive he did some notes himself today so praise him casually (don't make a big deal as can trigger 'rebellion impulse' - ie 'dammit, I did what they wanted!' lol), tiny reward (def not return of electronic stuff) and take it from there. And beware the whole phone thing - some kids can get everything they need on their phone so don't miss the other electronic goodies.

Good luck and persevere - he will look back and thank you.