Please please help! DD(15) is about to fail her year. Can she get back on track and how?

[motn]

I LITERALLY don't know how best to help her.

She's terrified of failing the year and not moving to sixth form with her friends.

Not a bad kid, never skips school, but has progressively got more distracted over the past year - mainly by competitive sport, and has had the second warning about her grades. I thought she had pulled her socks up after the first warning and am really shocked and disappointed (she is too) that nothing's changed.

What should I be doing? She says she knows what she has to do and has everything under control and she doesn't need me to sort it.

But maybe she DOES need me to take over...trouble is, I don't know what to do. We've always been pretty liberal about homework in this house and her two older siblings are doing fine at Uni and school.

Should I...

a) come over all heavy, ground her, cancel all sport and internet. Threaten dire consequences (what I feel like doing)?

b) ignore and let her learn from her mistakes(not really an option)?

c) create timetables for homework, for internet, for eating, for sleeping, move a desk into the family room(she says she doesn't want it), buy her wall-planners, insist on seeing all her homework, call her form teacher once a week for an update? anything else?

If c) above...which of these are useful, which are non-productive, and what other steps should I be taking?

Gaaadd! Please give me any and all of your ideas!

Gad knows what happened to my linebreaks and paras: Here's another try:

I LITERALLY don't know how best to help her.

She's terrified of failing the year and not moving to sixth form with her friends. Not a bad kid, never skips school, but has progressively got more distracted over the past year - mainly by competitive sport, and has had the second warning about her grades.

I thought she had pulled her socks up after the first warning and am really shocked and disappointed (she is too) that nothing's changed. What should I be doing?

She says she knows what she has to do and has everything under control and she doesn't need me to sort it.

But maybe she DOES need me to take over...trouble is, I don't know what to do.

We've always been pretty liberal about homework in this house and her two older siblings are doing fine at Uni and school.

Should I...

a) come over all heavy, ground her, cancel all sport and internet. Threaten dire consequences (what I feel like doing)?

b) ignore and let her learn from her mistakes(not really an option)?

c) create timetables for homework, for internet, for eating, for sleeping, move a desk into the family room(she says she doesn't want it), buy her wall-planners, insist on seeing all her homework, call her form teacher once a week for an update? anything else?

If c) above...which of these are useful, which are non-productive, and what other steps should I be taking? Gaaadd! Please give me any and all of your ideas!

FFS WHY are my paras disappearing!

Is she in Year 10 or 11? If 11 it's quite late to be at this stage-I'd go for enforced homework and revision, probably plus a tutor in the Easter holidays. If she's in Year 10 then she can't really 'fail the year' in the sense of being held back (or at least I don't know of many schools that would do that) and she's got lots of time to get on track, as long as she wants to. By GCSE they really need self motivation to succeed imo. But again I'd say enforced study time on evenings and weekends (until she can show you she's organising her own time) and a revision timetable over the holiday. I'd also ring the school and ask for a meeting with her tutor, you and her so she sees you and the school working together and will hopefully start to take things seriously...

We're not in UK that's why some of what I'm saying makes no sense! This is the final year of this middle school level. They then move on to different school - equivalent of 6th form...which takes 3 years here (up to 18 yrs old).

Thanks anyway, ANY IDEAS will be gratefully received. This is such a new one on me. We have so little time left. I don't mind getting heavy with her but I just need to know which is the most productive way to do it.

I did go to see her form teacher the other day, so she knows I'm concerned.

Assuming you are not in Scotland!

I'd help her write down where she is at with each subject. She is bound to already have done some assessments and even exams in some subjects (Science, for example)

Diarise on a four month timetable planner (which you may have to make) what is coming up and when - assessments and exams

Find out if any subjects will be running revision classes and when

Use the above to prepare a revision timetable. Starting now!

Ensure she has revision resources needed: buy revision guides, print off past papers, look at BBC GCSE Bitesize and, possibly, employ a tutor depending on what you discover by the process above.

I see you are not in UK. Adapt my list above to your requirements!

She has to do it but I wouldnt get heavy on her re the organisation of a revision timetable going forward. It's something a lot of children need help with at some point.

thanks both of you. useful stuff.

how much time on each subject each day do you reckon?

With so little time left, I think you need to look at:

Where she already is grade wise (i.e which subjects need the extra work putting in) and

Also, bearing that in mind, prioritise the really important subjects - Maths English and any she wants to study later one.

She needs to work smart and well as hard.

Most children find a 30 minute revision session with quarter hour break before another works. The number she will be able to do depends on time available in week and at weekends, plus her stamina. No point in doing 4 sessions a night of only three work and the other one she is too tired to do.

If you get the past paper mark schemes you can do past paper marking in her quarter hour break and then identify where she is doing well and less well. For example, on Maths, it was clear my daughter could do the work but kept making silly mistakes - so she learned to re-check her papers after answering them. We wouldn;t have known that if I hadn't looked at where the marks were lost. If there are areas of poor performance - she can then revise them using books and other resources etc

She needs to do the work but you will probably have to keep the momentum going. See that bit as team work.

try speaking to individual subject teachers (either her or you) and see what she needs ot do in in each subject to get the minimum grades she needs. The plan needs to be to do enough to get through this year now, so pick the subjects to focus on, and put to one side the lesser ones. So if she needs all C grades, get the Ds and Es dragged up, but don't worry about the Bs.

Also, it's probably not entirely her fault that school work is slipping (you mentioned competitive sport, and ime that can take over a bit), so go easy on any "blaming" and try not to make enforced homework/study a punishment (easier said than done I know ), try and make it a "working together to get through this, then we can talk about what you've learned for the future" situation.

thanks all, keep the ideas coming...no matter if you think they're banal. I will try anything!

This is really helpful - I work almost fulltime so I must find the areas where I can be productive and not just nagging - which understandably only winds her up and helps no-one.