Storing up trouble with my approach to homework?

[pollycazalet]

DS is in year 7 at secondary. He didn't have a huge amount of homework at primary and to be honest it was seen as optional. Given this context he (mostly) did it and I (mostly) had to work quite hard to engage him in doing it.

Now he's at secondary I am taking the approach that he needs to develop a sense of responsibility for knowing what homework he has and getting it done to time. So I ask him what he's got to do and am happy to help if he asks for it and quite often ask to see what he has done (not always). But I am trusting him to get on with it.

Something a friend said has made me question this approach - she said I am not involved enough and perhaps not giving DS the impression that I think it's important. I have seen him do things at the last minute but I am relying on the teachers to know what level he should be working at and let him know if the homework is half arsed and shows a lack of effort!

He's a bright, academic but quite lazy boy who can be happy to coast along. Have I got the wrong approach?

To be honest I think you do. I don't accept the "it's up to the school" argument. Education's a partnership between parents and schools, and I think you're doing your ds no favours by leaving it up to him.

I'm in the hating homework camp, I hated it as a pupil and I hate it as a parent. However I accept it's a necessary evil and it should be done to the best of the child's ability, no matter what school year they're in

Thanks shesparkles. I totally agree about the partnership thing. DS knows I am interested, and I do ask him every night what he's got to do. But I don't check his planner, or go through the task with him and discuss it unless he asks me to.

He knows I think it's really important but maybe my actions don't demonstrate this?

I think you definately need them to start to take 'ownership' and their homework; however I also thisnk you need to do this over a period of time.

I spent year 7 checking what homework was due and when (not the actual qualityof the homework itself - altough I did check feedback just to ensure dd was taking note of what her teachers had said). Now she is halfway through year 8 and is beginning to sort it out for herself. My involvement tends to just be a brief 'oh have you got much hiomework to do - do you need us to re-plan or re-schedule anything? ' General she gets it and does it without prompting. The odd last-minute thing but there always will be!

But I'd say spend year 7 establishing the pattern - i.e. do it all on Sundays (dd's preferd method ) or on the day you get it. Then once established ease away.

At secondary I think I'll be taking your approach TBH, except if there was a subject I knew my DC was struggling in - then I might take a more pro-active approach to checking that they'd done.

Wrong? I don't think so. Perhaps a little old-fashioned. I don't know about yours, but the only involvement my parents had was if I was stuck on something and asked for help. Otherwise I was left to get on with it. He's at secondary now, so should be able to organise himself.

This is the exact same approach I am intending following when DS1 starts secondary this September. I have been very involved at primary and have had many battles with him to make sure his homework is done on time and to a standard I think is acceptable - left to his own devices he has a very "that'll do" mentality so far as homework is concerned. However I do believe that once they reach secondary then it is time that responsibility is taken by the child. I will probably be nagging involved a little at first and will continue to bang on about homework being done, but really he is going to have to learn that he has to take responsibility for himself and take the consequences if he doesn't. And whilst I don't believe "it's up to the school" I do expect a teacher - certainly at secondary school - to take a stand with a pupil if work is not to the standard that is expected.

I think in year 7 you might be a bit more hands on. Certainly check his planner. If it's all a bit half hearted you may not find out until the end of the year and bad habits have set in by then.
I have one in Year 11 and one in Y9.
I nagged supervised quite heavily up to Y8 and eased off after that, only helping when asked. But that is because they are both clearly working hard and achieving their best.

My ds is year 11, and I still check his planner and his h/w, to make sure it is all done, as there can be issues if I don't. When I sign his planner I tick off each piece of homework set and ask when it was done, and what it entailed. This means he knows he can't get away with much, so he does after a while get down to it.

We use Sunday as h/w day, if anything has been carried over from the previous week. It works for us.

My son is also in Year 7. I tend to agree with previous comments about being quite hands on, at least initially. I check his planner every night, not so much for homework tbh but at least to ensure I praise any merits earned etc or read any negative comments (none so far thankfully!)

Initially, DS wasn't so good at planning the priority of his homework, so he would do the work for the subject he likes, even if that meant leaving stuff that had to be in earlier! He also underestimated how long extended projects take for the first one. But we have talked about it a lot and he has learned from experience, he now knows he can't do any homework on Thursdays for instance as he has a club then Rugby training. Etc etc.

So, all in all it hasn't actually taken that long for him to 'get it' tbh.

I don't check specific homework btw, but do have a quick flick through his books when he dumps his bag on the kitchen floor after school. Again, it's more to praise positive comments from the teachers etc.

Agree that it's a three way partnership between school, child and parents. They are with us for the vast majority of the time, probably picking up far more than we ever think they are so maybe it's good to start good habits early? Particularly if you think/know he is 'lazy' or needs encouraging.

I think I'm a bit lax now but was very much on the case in year 7 and made expectations known in terms of routine but more in the way of asking 'What homework do you have? And what is your plan for it?'

• I now I only 'pop in ' to hmy DS's room at some point about an hour after he comes home just to ask if he's getting on ok..invariably he is on a game /skype etc with friends and quickly switches. I think an element of trust is needed but also they do need to fail to get something in on time or experience a weekend of catch up to realise a plan is needed. It's really bad when parents are too involved in early days- stop and then when it matter such as Year 10-11 they really are out of their depth and don't want to be helped.

I also scrutinise reports for any evidence of late homework.

ps - even now, I have far less involvement than I did, just half way through Y7 but I am glad I took the approach I did initially.

Might be quite a different matter when my daughter moves up in September!!

My two get £5 pocket money per week in term time. If they get a detention, or a 3 or 4 on their report for homework or effort, each of these things has a £5 (or one week) deduction. No arguments.

They've never had a detention or any 3 or 4's on their report. Maybe they are good kids or maybe it works! No idea, but at least they have learned that they have to control getting their homeworks in, not me!

Letsescape - cross post. Agreed, it was the WHOLE Sunday afternoon and evening taken up with the extended project that made DS realise he needed a better plan. Never seen a kid breathe such a huge sigh of relief!!

I would at least be asking to see his planner, and then asking him to bring the finished homework to you before you sign the planner (I know we had to get our parents to sign our planners each week).

I would also be encouraging work to done as soon as it is set, rather than the night before it is due in, as this then gives the time after it's done as free from having to worry about HW.

As he goes up each year group, be a little more hands off.

Doublemoucha they certainly learn quickly! And then there is revision MUCH more difficult to get the hang of than homework.

LetsEscape - already had the excuse for German revision that it was being left until the last minute so 'he wouldn't forget'!! Mmmm......

Can see a few more hurdles to negotiate then with revision!

I agree with your view, OP. I think we helicopter our DC far too much nowadays and they don't have a chance to learn by their own mistakes. Now he's at secondary, unless he asks you for help, just leave him to get on with it. At DC's secondary school, at the latest Y10 meeting, deputy head told us to check their bookbags before they left in the morning . I think that's rubbish. When are they ever going to learn? If he gets in trouble, he'll soon learn.

Agreed that in Y10 that's a bit much but I did take the view that my son hadn't learnt the skill of organisation yet. Most skills have to be taught at least to some extent and, if he had never had to learn to manage his own time and workload before, he might need some support at least initially. Now he has the practical experience of planning and one or two mistakes of his own, he is far more able to do the job himself than he was initially.

Oh dear - I'm slightly depressed by these responses- although I can see the logic of withdrawing slowly - I was really hoping to leave them too it a lot more at secondary.

I have a yr 10 and yr 8 and pretty much leave them to it.
They know if they don't do homework, they get detention,.....luckily, they tend to crack on with it as soon as they get in.
I just ask how much they have, when they plan to get it done.

But then I didn't hover over them at primary and certinly never helped them make a model.

I watched the planner carefully for about the 1st term and then backed off slowly. Ds is now yr 11 and I'll ask off he knows what he has to do but that's it. Dd2 yr8 I'll check what she has and just keep whether eye on how long she's spending esp on art - can take far oo long otherwise I leave them to it unless they need help - yes even dd2.

Thrive got to learn to get the work done and balance it with everything else they do. I suspect ds went though a phase of" doing the minimum" but now is well on the ball etc.

Too much helicopter parenting doesn't do them any favours I feel. Remember they have to " fly solo" eventually.

Let them take risks in year 8/9 where the penalties are there - our schools will notice and deal with it. But really there is no harm one.

At the other extreme - if you nanny them totally they'll fall off the waggon say at uni and no one will notice.

( dd1 certainly seems o balance doing enough to do extremely well at uni with having a bloody good time as well!)