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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

oh wise ones... Any options for a very bright sixth form drop out??

42 replies

Gimmeabreak · 08/03/2012 19:56

I am a name changer

At a loss as to what to do with DD (17 year 12) who is bright but done virtually nothing since starting year 12 and has today got a clutch of dreadful results that reflect this...

She's out tonight on a school trip so not had a chance to talk to her but think (judging by last parents evening) that school may well suggest she leaves

Her school is high flying and gets great results and they cull students who wont work and get appalling results

They've warned her many times....

So - faced with this ...What options/schemes/education could she do??
She is clever enough (14 gcses all A /A*) and can work well if focused - she has a saturday job in a highly esteemed shop/cafe and is fabulous - attentive - always turns up - works hard

If i sound chirpy about this - I am not but need to move forward for her sake..

ANY advice or help would be great as we really feel lost at sea!

OP posts:

LapsedPacifist · 11/03/2012 15:25

Messing up one set of exams at the age of 17 does not mean she has to abandon any thoughts of a successful academic career. For whatever reason, AS levels aren't working for her right now. May be she needs to take time out, get some sort of job for a while and then reconsider her options (and courses) for the autumn, or even next year.

It always saddens me to see parents panic in a situation like this, as if all kids MUST pass particular exams and obtain particular qualifications at set times during their teenage years or face being thrown on the scrapheap. I would imagine your DD is feeling pretty confused and anxious right now, even if she'd rather die than admit it. I don't honestly think that looking at more "vocational" courses is necessarily the answer either, your DD appears to be extremely academically able and might just need a break from the exam treadmill.

My DH, DB and SIL all left school at 16 without any exam passes. They have 4 Honours degrees, a Masters and a PHD between them, and DB has just started a funded PHD at the age of 49. SIL is a university professor.

Just saying!

ahhhhhpushit · 11/03/2012 15:51

I'm a professional and have two degrees and a professional qualification. I also have tens of thousands of debt.

My brother (who got As/A*s at GCSE and was predicted 5 As at A Level) totally dropped out before sitting his ASs. He's now earning rather a lot of money as a stockbroker. And has no debt.

Original poster

gimmeabreak · 11/03/2012 20:56

Thankyou both for that....Lapsed pacifist we are absolutely trying to be honest open and accepting of whatever she chooses... Despite her age she is still very young and can't focus long term very well... Tonight I have guage ed that she does not want to do an apprenticeship as she sees herself as 'only having one forty year old bloke' as a friend... I don't have a solution to this as I don't know how they work and have no idea about peer group ....

Pushittt I just tried to give her the succesful people don't necessarily take the 'normal' route chat and she said 'I've read Brandon's autobiography - he was isolated and suicidal'

Fantastic!!

OP posts:

aquafunf · 11/03/2012 21:18

gimme

i run programmes designed to deal with 6th form dropouts and all other NEETS.

The ones with 14 gcses have often chosen the wrong subjects at A level and have no way of explaining this as they have no experience of failure. The only way they can see out of it is to crash spectacularly. They can also suffer from burnout, having realised that their reward for 2 years of punishing effort, is another 2 years of the same!

do not panic, but encourage DD to consider all options and be supportive. make it clear that 6th form is not working and you want her to do something else whilst thinking about an appropriate level 3 qualification. Do be a bit careful- she will get free education at level 3 up to 19 ( so think Year 13 and add a year).

I think that i would set her the challenge to think of what she wants to do for the next 4 months- she is probably unable at this point to think about what she wants to do for the next 5 years. She needs to have a realistic view about what she wants to do in september- subjects and where she wants to do it. might be another 6th form, might be a local college, might be work based learning. in the mean time, work experience ( pulling in any favours you can) or paid employment will look good on her CV.

i think that as long as you are clear that you are interested in her, rather than just her academic achievement, you will not be going too far wrong.

on my programme, a spell doing something like a business admin apprenticeship (office junior) is enough to refocus them on what they actually want to do. also, sitting in a classroom for a few weeks with others who have not had the same opportunities gives them a different perspective and helps them realise that they have far more options than most.

Original poster

gimmeabreak · 11/03/2012 23:37

Aqua great great advice thanks so much for taking the time to offer your help and experience...
It's not burn out with dd she's always been lazy but bright and could do last minute work to see her through .. Dp and me are slap to blame - we have coaxed and cajoled and helped her more than we should and she has never really faced up to her laziness as we have kind of masked it by helping her.... Her teachers kept saying she's idle let her fail but we couldn't ...

She's definitely from the school of - of 'if I can't be top I won't try '

Anyway what's done is done - I found some great apprentiships on the nothoingtouni site but as I said earlier she seems totally none plussed by them due to friend issues - I need to be able to reassure her that she would get friends of her age ...

Feeling a bit out of my depth tbh but she is as ever über chirpy - not quite grasping the gravity methinks!

OP posts:

Original poster

gimmeabreak · 11/03/2012 23:38

Aqua great great advice thanks so much for taking the time to offer your help and experience...
It's not burn out with dd she's always been lazy but bright and could do last minute work to see her through .. Dp and me are also to blame - we have coaxed and cajoled and helped her more than we should and she has never really faced up to her laziness as we have kind of masked it by helping her.... Her teachers kept saying she's idle let her fail but we couldn't ...

She's definitely from the school of - of 'if I can't be top I won't try '

Feeling a bit out of my depth tbh but she is as ever über chirpy - not quite grasping the gravity methinks!

OP posts:

BackforGood · 11/03/2012 23:54

Just to help 'keep your pecker up' Gimme, my dh dropped out in 6th form. He worked for about 18 months in a fairly dead end job as a warehouseman / delivery driver for the company he'd had a Saturday job with, then realised he wanted to exercise his brain again. Went to nightschool and did his A-Levels, then on to University where he did his degree. Stayed on and did his PhD and is now a research fellow. Absolutely loves what he does. But he got there, because he chose to do it, when he realised he wanted it, not because everyone else was doing it, and that was what was expected by everyone.
I hope she finds what drives her.

Original poster

gimmeabreak · 12/03/2012 11:05

Thanks so mich bavkfprgood your Dh sounds great... Dd has always been successful but we are so aware that the desire to work is absent ATM

Any move now needs to come from her

OP posts:

Goolash · 12/03/2012 18:41

That sounds like me at that age. I remember my Mum shouting at me for days and days, with a discussion that never went anywhere. What I needed was to work for a bit, save up to travel, and work out what I wanted to do by myself.

Original poster

gimmeabreak · 12/03/2012 20:01

yes goolash that is what she needs - that and maturity tbh - but she wont save any money - like sand through her fingers

her teachers say repeat them - i just dont see her pulling up U's!

OP posts:

aquafunf · 12/03/2012 20:25

gimme

if she followed a typical apprentice route, say business admin at level 2, she would most likely be mainly with 16 to 20 year olds in her cohort. So, typically working with the usual mix of ages within an office, but college with her age group (might be a few older).

i know exactly what you mean about the bright but lazy- this is dd1 to a T-it was agony and aging letting her get a good few ds in her GCSEs and this will impact on her University offers no doubt, but she has realised that no one will do the work for her and is now turning in some decent work at A level, because she has to justify the place they gave her. I still want to beat her around the head though when she has spent her study leave staring out the window rather than actually doing any work.

It will hit her when she has left school and realises that her friends are still meeting up every day there-friendship is everything to this age group. No doubt, by the time september comes round she will be re focussed on the bigger picture.

do not let her think that she is a failure and lazy (both may be true at this point but that is by the by). give her a deadline to be back in full time education or paying rent- hint September!

Good luck!

Swed · 13/03/2012 13:45

Ah the competing forces of rescuing her and wanting her to stand on her own two feet. How well I know thee.

I would be inclined to try and keep her going.

Beware of taking time out and then returning to subjects as it's amazing how much of the basics get forgotten (esp Maths).

What sort of job/career or degree did she see herself doing when she embarked on her A level choices? Would school allow her to reduce to 3 AS levels? That might feel more manageable. And could you afford a weekly session in each of her 3 subjects in order for her to catch up? Until the end of exams in June, say?

Original poster

gimmeabreak · 13/03/2012 18:04

Swed you know me ....!! She's doing maths and sciences and already had tutoring and catch up sessions ... Her maths teacher saud she's late to every lesson - sciences never hands work in etc etc she volunteers but never turns up ... It's a bigger picture

Utterly depressed about it .... She on the other hand seems oblivious to the gravity of the situation

OP posts:

Swed · 13/03/2012 20:17

Perhaps she's doing the wrong subjects? It's so easy to be persuaded by high grades at GCSEs into maths and sciences when in fact the talent lies elsewhere, perhaps in subjects at which she only got an A.

But yes, I see bigger picture thing. She has to want to do it for herself. It really helps if she knows what she wants to do next. Does she know.

Can you please email or DM me on Twitter?

Swed · 15/03/2012 13:58

Aha, it's you. :)

QZ · 18/03/2012 22:44

How are things now? What has she decided to do?

Highlander · 19/03/2012 14:40

Sounds like she is rebelling against her school

All very well, but she clearly thinks she can live off the bank of mum and dad and good qualifications din't matter.

I mean this in the nicest way, but kick her out. See how far she gets on her waitressing job; trying to pay the rent, bills, food.

Or maybe a proprr Gap year. Take a year out, reassess what she thinkks she would like to do.

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