How do you get your DC to do homework? (Y8 boy)

[LynetteScavo]

Have had email from his maths teacher saying that DS is "naturally talented" and seems to enjoy lessons, but hasn't done the last three home works, and can't give a reason why not.

When I asked DS I got a happy "dunno".

I have tried sitting him down at 6.30pm every night. Cue hysterics. I have tried backing off completely. Cue emails from school. I have tried lectures about achieving decent grades and thus getting onto the best university courses. The school have tried detentions (he really doesn't mind detentions). I have tried taking away pocket money. As he never actually spends his pocket money, and asks that I pay it into the bank, this doesn't really work. (He managed to save £100 and then asked for money to buy a pack of cards)

I just gave a lecture about people who are naturally good at things still needing to work to achieve, which included me saying "you don't see David Beckham sitting on the sofa eating chips" Can you tell I'm desperate?

I had this with my oldest DS and in the end what he needed was maturity. Unfortunately it took us to A Levels and beyond for him to get there and meanwhile I wept and wailed and despaired. I do feel for you.

So he doesn't care about money or detentions. He's too young to care about exam results/the future. What does he care about? What does he first want to do when he gets home? XBox/PS? Find something that matters, and use that as your threat.

If you ever find the secret, you could sell it and make your fortune!
When they can get "good enough" grades to get by, the motivation to sit and study just isn't there for a lot of teens, especially boys. You can rant and bribe and threaten and explain and praise until the cows come home, but it's only your own blood pressure that gets raised IME. Sorry !

If he is achieving well without completing the homework, then what is the point of the homework?

If the point of the homework is to get him to achieve even higher and excel, is it set at a challenging level? What motivation does he have to do this?

I think the school must take more responsibility than just emailing you and expecting you to force him to do it...

What does he like to do in the evenings when not doing homework?
TV? Computer games?

Don't let him do it until he has done his HW to a good enough standard

I agree with others who have said no tv/xbox/laptop until homework is done (you might have to ensure you have a very clear communication channel with staff as planners mysteriously don't get filled with homework details when you come down this hard ).

Sometimes it is just having to put up with the hysterics until they realise that this is not going to faze you; they give in eventually

You could even ask the school to give him a detention for every failed homework and see if this helps

Definitely don't back off - yr8 boys are notoriously immature and rarely have the self-motivated discipline to do it themselves.

Does he have a homework diary/school planner? Does he keep it up to date?
Are you at home when he gets back from school?

Two options to try:

1. When he gets home from school have a chat about his day over a drink. Ask him what is plan is to get the homework done this evening, with specific times.

Then remind him at those times.

2. Withdraw whatever privileges he enjoys - going out with his mates, watching TV, playing on laptop etc, until homework is completed properly to your satisfaction.

When he does start to conform, then praise him highly for his efforts.

what is the point of the homework? does it raise his grades? help his understanding of the subject? if not, maybe therein lies the problem

I agree with roisin re withdrawing privileges.

Have the same problem. I have tried the NO COMPUTER/XBOX/IPOD/TV until it's done route. Result: ds manages the fastest, skimpiest, rubbishest homework in a matter of a few seconds.

Our problem is ds is highly talented and creative at getting away with the absolute BARE MINIMUM. In fact he puts far more energy into explaining why he doesn't need to do the homework (the teacher said it was optional), or write it legibly (it's only in note form), or why he doesn't actually need to learn the vocab (it was only a supply teacher who set it) or answer the questions (he finished it in class) than he ever puts into actually doing the work.

I share your Yr8 boy pain.

Year 8 boys - exactly.
Bribery/Threats/Withdrawal of privileges.
One of the teachers at DS1s school forewarned us of the tendency to slacken in Year 8 so we did all of the above. Bribery worked best.

Another Yr8 homework hater here too. DS1 spends more time moaning and avoiding doing it than actually doing it. I have taken a back seat TBH and he seems to be getting it done better now I'm not getting involved.

There's a homework club every night after school, and I did say if there were any issues he would have to go to it and do the homework before he got home.

LOL, we have already taken everything but the family TV away because he was so foul for the first 4 weeks of this term. It turned out he was having a growth spurt, and I know from experience he is always awful when growing, but this went on for a whole month! I suppose we could give him things back, now he is being civil again, so we can take them away! (That seems really mean, I'm a big softie!)

I do try to be at home when he gets in. Usually when he gets in, he plays the guitar (he's not bad, but has always refused to have lessons) he or goes into DS2s bedroom and annoys/plays with him. He also draws a lot of pictures of cars and plays in the garden, but doesn't socialise with friends.

The homework that he does do he does at 6am the day it's due in (I've known his set his alarm especially) It's as if he thinks his life is being ruined by having to do school work in the evening. School always give a break time detention for missed homework.

roisin, I did try what you suggested, but it resulted in some sort of wild beast roaming around my house wailing and slamming doors. Now he's over his growth spurt, I'll try again next half term.

This is the DS that school refused. In more laid back moments I think maybe I should just be glad he actually goes to school.

I sympathise. I don't have any suggestions. It has taken DS1 until 6th form to realise that he really might have to work at school. He got OK GCSE results, but could have done so much better. He just shrugs if I mention it.

Agree that the only thing that will be happening will be the raising of your blood pressure. If your DS is anything like DS2, though, nothing will make any difference. Withdrawal of priviliges, PS3, XBox, mobile - nothing would work. Luckily, he's now quite amenable, but can be exceedingly stubborn.

I would carry on telling him, but not too often as that might put him off completely, what he needs to do. you can take a horse....

Slambang if the quality of the HW is rubbish why do you let him go on the computer/tv/xbox/ipod? Why don't you ban them until the HW is to a decent standard?

loveJudgeJudy, that is exactly what I think will happen with DS.

Ditto ditto ditto. My DS is now in report and the school are threatening exclusion and or taking the football captaincy off him.

Any help gratefully received here!

I'm not a mother of boys (I have a DD who is only 10 weeks!) but I have taught classes of all boys in a comprehensive school before. They were C/D borderline, not talented but I can give you my perspective anyway. I actually rarely set sanctions in those classes, they just didn't work (not bothered about detentions, phone calls home etc). What I did do was create an incentive and marked their work and ranked the boys at the end of the week. The top 6 got chocolate bars and a raffle ticket. At the end of the half term there was a raffle for a new football (highly prized in a secondary school where they inevitably end up on the roof!). So I gave them something to aim for not something to avoid. Could you do the same with your son? Say no further phone calls from school/lunchtime DTs and he'll get something he really wants? (not something massive)

Kritur - any experience of G&T?? We had a conference with head of year on Friday.

My DS has had 23 referrals since September. Non-Homework, talking in class, "being clever" i.e. arguing for no reason, being the class clown. He got back to his maths class on Friday after this meeting, with a letter waiting saying he was in G&T again (has been since yr 4). WHAT DO I DO?????

There is a feeling he is "resting on his laurels". Is it good enough to just coast along? And what happens when he starts to find the work difficult and has to put the work in - he won't know how! So Head of Year gives us all this feedback, and then says "you're a nice lad, very bright, no big issues, lots of little ones, your'e very funny, but there's a time and a place and we still want you to do a few GCSE's in Yr 10". Such mixed messages. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

still working out how to make ds1 do homework routinely (rather than after nagging(me) and wailing (him)
what works: leaving most of it to him and not checking it at all, except to see that he has done something (anything)
BUT also every week do at least one bit WITH him (in our house it is usually the Art homework or a bit of research stuff) Invariably he quite likes the attention he gets when we are around , and has taken to reading out the other stuff to us too just to get praise and more attention. So you have to be quite careful about interfering - conversely getting involved can help too!

So reverse pyschology! For example Ds came up to me and said he wanted to read me his essay for English. I said, no darling, don't worry, I'm sure you've done your best...at which he begs me to listen to his efforts. A lot of his work could be much improved, but I'm trying not to correct it. The feedback needs to come from teacher, because he just gets in a state if I try and interfere. I do say he needs to DO IT though, and I ask him what his homework is for that night, and two nights hence, so I can remind him what his schedule is, and stop him ending up with 5 pieces on one night backlog.

Also we tell him he can't watch telly if he hasn't done x and y, that night, but no long term threats, as that doesn't work. Also instant reward when he has done homework, whether chat, feedback or something he enjoys.

I think you've hit it on the nail here swanthingafteranother. Children like attention, they like it when you show an interest. My boys (yr8 and yr10) largely get on with their homework independently these days, but :

• I still check their planners and know what work they have to do
• They often bring me their finished work to see - not for me to criticise or correct, but for an opportunity for me to praise their hard work and maybe to discuss some of the content of what they have worked on.

I have a homework dodger here too.

"But it's half term " comes the lament every time I tentatively suggest he makes a start on the mountain of homework he's got.

Today's ploy is to offer him a trip to Ikea + breakfast if he does one hour of French...