Anyone feel quite detached now their DC are at High School?

[Sparklingbrook]

DS1 started in September (Year 8 round these parts). I have this horrible feeling all the time that I have no idea what's going on.

I have to rely on DS1 for any information as I don't see any other parents any more at drop off and pick up.

I just feel quite detached from his education. We have met his tutor and had a Parents' evening. We have newsletters every week etc. Perhaps it's just me.

It is a totally different parenting experience Sparkling when they go to Sec school. As you say,no more school runs,you feel out of the loop....who the hell are their friend now?

It does feel a little like one more step towards the empty nest thing.
This is my 3rd time with a dc at Sec school. Keep in the loop by talking loads to ds about what's happening at school/with peers,encourage invites home with his mates so you can at least see who his mates are....and keep an eye on school website for upcoming dates/meetings as I find dd conveniently forgets to tell me...and she is a bit old for me to go through her bag for letters!

Time for you to have a bit of a life now...unless you still have younger ones of course. DD's my last...my shop's shut

Thanks crazy, it really is different. DC2 is younger but I still get to go in the school occasionally and see what he's up to.

I definitely feel out of the loop. The homework is getting harder too.

I do the odd bag rummage when I remember.

I know what you mean. DD started in September also Y8 here.

Along with this feeling I am also adjusting to her generally not being around so much. Lots of extra sports, going to friends after school plus loads of homework.

Luckily she is good at keeping us informed and we have had one or two letters home saying she is doing well.

Just curious sparkling as moving to high school at Y8 is unusual, are you on the south coast?

No we are Hereford and Worcestershire spud. First school Years R-4. Middle school Yr 5-7 then High School. Some of them do 4 years at middle school and go to High School in Year 9.

I grew up with the two tier system Spud so it all seems a bit odd, what do you think of it?

We have first school R-3 then middle school 4-7.

It works well for us but I think that is to do with the excellent middle school DD went to.

I did the same so its not too odd to me.

Only issue for us has been that we don't feel the middle school prepared them that well for high. She has settled but the amount of homework has been a big shock.

Same here Spud. The homework was terrible in the first term and DS was getting really stressed. It was relentless. It seems to have calmed down a bit but there's loads of tests now.

The middle school are now looking into Year 7 and preparing them better.

Detached yes, which is good thing, they need to cope on their own in what is otherwise an environment with many lines of support. Do you want to remain hands on?

I've heard that at local state HS parents can log in to check their child's records, any notes added by form tutor or missed homework,
school announcements, detentions, those kinds of things are noted.

No I don't want to be hands on ragged, and I know he has to find his own way. I am just used to knowing more about what goes on at school than I do now. It's probably a good thing.

It's stuff like lost property. At first school you could just dash in and have a rummage but now it's lost forever because lazy-arse DS keeps forgetting to go and look.

I used to hate all the school gate gossip but strangely it seems to be where I found out stuff.

Sparkingbrook - I know what you mean about having no idea whats going on.

You don't know any/many of the teachers (and you feel the teachers don't know your DC), you don't know all your DCs friends/friends parents any more etc.

Even on the rare occasion they talk about something you don't feel you understand (or I don't anyway ) eg. they'll talk about something that happened in the corridor by science block and you can't picture where they mean (with the primary school you probably knew every nook and cranny), they talk about scoring Green5C* in their homework and you have no idea what that means (what happened to marks out of 10 FFS?).

Its a whole new world but I guess we'll get used to it.......eventually!

That's just it. I met the teachers at Parents' evening but I couldn't pick them out in a line-up now. You are right about not being able to visualise any of it because I have only been in about 3 times.

It makes me sound like a helicopter Mum but I'm really not. It's just that when DS tells me something I always wonder whether he's got it entirely right. At First school I would just ask the head in the morning or speak to one of the other Mums.

lost property

Oh Gawd, I hear you there. DS went on minibus to a private school for start of Y6: it was like starting HS early. And he has lost no end of items. It's a tiny private school and all his items are labeled with name! Where the F have his things gone??

I love/hate school gate gossip too... One time I was going to congratulate a bloke in supermarket about his wife's very obvious pregnancy; thank goodness I didn't say anything because turned out it wasn't his baby. . I make more active effort to listen to the goss now.

Yep-all named here too. A pair of school trousers and a tie, and a sports sock from a pair that were about £7. I feel like going in for a rummage. That'll show him.

Blimey narrow escape there ragged.

It is wierd when they move, I agree. Great advice from CrazyMoma though.
When they lose so much stuff you've had enough, then just go in. Honestly, they will have cupboards of lost property they would just love to give you and hopefully ds will be so embarassed he will be more proactive in retrieving it himself in the future. My favourite staff member at ds's school is the TA who is in charge of all lost property. By befriending her, I have since found out she also runs a swap scheme, so when the boys outgrow something, she'll have it off you and give you a bigger size of whtever you need (doesn't have to be a direct swap, I've been known to just ask for things).

I think I may go in BackforGood. Could do with the trousers back. if I can get past Reception.

I hear you sisters!
I now have 2 at HS which they joined without knowing anyone from their primaries. Now I haven't got a clue who's who! It's disconcerting because you feel totally out of the loop and you struggle to engage in conversations about their friends and teachers when you can't put a name to a face. ("You know mum, Hannah with the red hair, not Hanna with no 'h'! WTF)
YOu just have to hope that you've bought them up well enough to a) get in with the 'right' crowd b) behave themselves and c) get on with their work.
Don't get me started on lost property........

There's a few of us it seems tiny. Can't name any of the children, teachers or know anything about the layout of the school.

When I did see some of DD's teachers at a Xmas Fayre at the school I thought they were 6th Formers as they looked so young !

same here, I don't know what or who he is talking about most of the time and have no idea what goes on for a full 8 hours of his day which is so weird and I am still not used to it. Detached sums it up OP.

Lost property is a nightmare, apparently there is a huge room stuffed full of it and none of his lost stuff is in there (I have a feeling he hasn't looked). Anyway too late now last week they donated it all to charity!

I presume it just carries on like this? Just not having a clue?

I just think it feels very strange.

Less involved, yes. Detached, no.

I've made it a huge point to have lots of DD's new friends here to stay over and to go to all the matches etc that I practicably can to cheer on and meet other Mums and Dads. They seem a lovely friendly bunch and even though many of them had their girls there for prep also, they have really taken to DD and included her in everything.

Workwise, DD still likes me to look at everything. So I read over all her prep and she often shows me things she's been doing in class. Sometimes, if I'm honest, I'm feigning interest .
For exams and tests she likes me to test her too.

Well SparklingBrook ds is in Yr 11, and yes, the lost property carries on
In his school, I do know the layout of the school and many of his teachers (as in, I'd stop and say hello if I saw some them out of context, and think some would recognise me), but I think his school works exceptionally hard to invite parents in, and I@m lucky enough now to have a job that allows me some flexibility, and I can go in to things even when they are at ridiculous times. My dd's school however is a different kettle of fish - tend to hold you at arms length and patronise you.
Re friends, I find that being available as both a cafe and a taxi driver has helped me not only put names to a lot of faces, but also let me earwig their conversations get to know them all a bit better

It would be great if lots of secondary school senior managers read this thread and understood how 'isolated' or 'apart from the school' a lot of parents feel once their dcs go to secondary, and perhps made efforts to change things a bit.

BackforGood yes, I hadn't thought of whether the school realises we feel like this.
It is a complete culture shock. Going from seeing the Mums each morning and popping into school to ask a question or two, pay for a trip, check after school clubs are on etc. One summer holiday later you don't see a soul, boot DS1 out of the car at 8.30 and greet him after he walks home at 3.30.

I definitely want to feel more part of it, but it doesn't seem the done thing at DS's school.

I think my DCs school is quite good at getting parents involved - cheese and wine evening within the first month of year 7 to meet the form teachers, lots of meetings for parents and concerts and events. Also because it is a faith school we often sit near to some of the teachers with their families at church on a sunday. At one point I had three DCs there at the same time and I think I knew every piece of gossip and we were third time round with some of the teachers.

I'm starting to feel a bit detached now that there is only DS(15) there because he tells me nothing at all about school and I have no idea who some of the newer teachers are. I think DS likes it that way though