Is this worth £175,000?

[BettyBedlam]

DC is academic, non sporty and sensitive child. We can afford private school for our two children, but at a cost (ie leaves little savings and we will have to cut back a bit/wouldn't have much leeway for financing the unexpected).

Option 1:

Private school. DC has an academic scholarship (25% off) and we would probably accept the one to a school 25 mins away on foot. Good academic results - good Oxbridge entrance, good all-round mixed school. Mixed boarding and day but would go daily. DC is not sporty but school is not known particularly for the sport, but is good at sporting stuff. Good at the arts. 98% in yesterday's league tables.

Local state ex grammar school - all boys (we have two sons): Probably 45 mins to 1 hour away. 80% in the recent (yesterday) league tables for GCSEs A-C in 5 subjects. School is very strict and expells anyone who misbehaves beyond a certain number of warnings. Has reputation for being very macho and sporty, but having spoken to people who deal professionally with children there has apparently got excellent pastoral care and should deal well with sensitive child. 65% of boys from our local high achieving church primary school go there.

We think we have decided, but really looking to see if anyone can add anything we haven't already though of.

Really NewYear? Not sure if I explained properly that in our case I hoped this could be a plus as any bullying gets stopped in its tracks. DCs are well behaved at school (make up for it at home ) so unlikely to be expelled, I hope.

Meant to say ... no, day pupils not in minority

A couple of years ago we went for the previously selective, very oversubscribed state school with an incredible reputation. The promises about behaviour did not materialise and with a different intake it was horrendous. Two years later we switched a dd who sounds very similar to your ds to the independent option. In our case though the state school was 20 minutes away and the indy is 45 minutes and requires a lift to the school bus and if there are activities after school there is a 40 mile round trip. However, we now have a very happy daughter.

I think I would go for the state grammar. Uni fees are just getting larger and larger. There is a lot that you could do to help your kids with 175K. Also your son will have friends from his state primary with him.

I suppose a lot depends on how financially tough it would be to send your child private. Option 2 sounds lovely if you can afford it.

Marriedinwhite that is our concern too. We think in this climate that it would be easier to move from state to private than private to state though - I hope this is true.

Reallytired so true, and this is something we can't overlook. In the long term it is financially possible, but it will mean missing out on some fun in the next ten years. Obviously you can have fun without money, but knowing you have some leeway is far more relaxing.

Try out the state option. It all seems very intense at switch over time, but when the chips were down the three indy's dd had secured offers for two years previously were all prepared to offer her a place - and they were all sought after (not premier league) schools in SW London. Agree much easier to switch state to indy than in reverse and you might be pleasantly surprised.

I would imagine that it would be possible to transfer to option later on - many independent schools have a Y9 entry. Although I would check the curriculum overlap e.g. languages studied at both schools to see if this is possible.
The length of commute may be balanced out by a longer school day at option 1. Independent schools with a boarding option quite often finish the school day later than state schools (4.30 instead of 3.30pm) and some have classes on Saturday mornings so I would check this as well.

I'm in a similar position - state school has worse results though, (still 77%) and we are going state.

Lots of reasons to go there not just money in our case. I really wouldn't spend £175k unless I could easily afford it and wouldn't have to do without holidays, savings, etc etc.

Is your nearest state school really 45 minutes away. It could be if you are somewhere rural?

I would not want either option tbh. Would not want 45 minute commute?

Have you been on a visit to both, and taken your dc with you? What was your gut feeling? Sometimes this can help you make the choice. Some schools just have a different feel about them

Crazymum - yes longer school day, but longer holidays obv too. No Saturday school. They do have a Yr 9 entry but I don't think they take many dayboys at that stage.

NewYear at the moment childcare is not a problem.

Mollybroom - I won't be able to drive DS as other DS to get to school, so he will use a bus/walk, and it will take at least 45 mins.

Igetycrazytoo yes, visited both multiple times. Prefer private option but it comes at such a cost.

CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT TO SAY (SORRY FOR DRIP FEEDING), SOME OF HIS BEST FRIENDS ARE GOING TO THE EX-GRAMMAR

My DD is at a private school and we can afford it as we only have one child. It was an easier choice for us as the state schools choices were very poor. We are very happy with the choice, but intending for her to go to a state 6th form to keep cost down.

Does your £175k include 6th form.

One thought, as a lot of private schools have an intake at 11yrs and another one at 13yrs (from private schools that that run from 7 yrs to 13) If you chose the state route, and it wasn't working out - could change schools and move into yr 9. That way he would join the school at the same time as a lot of others, and so friendship groups are more flexible.

It does mean possibly changing schools twice, but if he moves up to the state school with his friends from primary school, may not seem so bad.

You need to remember that at private school there are always "extras". This term we paid £330 on top of fees and occasional boarding.

Some schools have hardship funds - but I think thats mainly for existing pupils and is for really extreme events ie death of parent

yesIgetcrazytoo it includes 6th form (though the state school in question has a good sixth form and got 6 into Oxbridge last year)

Yes, moving into Yr9 is a possibility, though I am sure I have read somewhere that the majority board at that stage (maybe they would make an exception if he's kept up his academic performance by then).

We have asked about the extras and have been told there are minimal compulsory extras (I think with the big trips they could maybe have one each and leave the others). What were your extras, if you don't mind my asking?

We are not badly enough off for a hardship fund to be honest - just conscious that if we spend it now, we can support them less with university/houses etc.

Newyeareverything - not sure I do feel that we should send him privately. I think I felt like that at first, but if anything I now feel we need a good excuse not to send him to the more than adequate state school. Actually ... not sure what I think any more!

I have no Intntion of helPing with university or a house if I've paid for an education the likes of which I could have only dreamed of then they have to stand on their own feet eventually. I look at it as teach a man to fish. I've provided them with the tools I then expect them to fund their own university and buy their own house. You can't give them everything but I do feel an education is something nobody can ever take from them.

I sent my first daughter to state school and then independent for secondary. DD2 will be making the switch next year. This has meant I have been able to pay for university, a substantial deposit for DD1's first home and her wedding. She has been able to establish a good career without the nagging financial worries so many young people have today. If I had paid boarding fees from day one, I would not have been in a position to help in this way. Everyone has their own point of view but I feel I have done the best I can for my children.

If I was you OP, I would opt for the state option and then review that decision for year 9 or 6th form.

Hi, sorry to take so long to get back ref school extras - have checked bill and is as follows: £200 for Duke of Edinburgh award, £60 bus fares, £30 subs and £45 books/materials.

One aspect of private is that that the extra curricula stuff which is all optional ,can easily be afforded by some parents and so your child just wants to be doing what all the others are in the year and its all costs extra eg. CCF, Duke of E, dances, skiiing. Theres usually one biggish trip per year ( anything from £200 up and usually each term at least one or two small outtings (£20 to £45).
Never just paid the fees and nothing else.

If you thought your child would be happy at the state school, and it has good discipline and teaching - you could buy an awful lot of private tutoring if wanted to be sure of your DC getting top grades. Plus the left over money would buy some lovely holidays.

Good luck with your decision. I guess what I'm saying is that if money is going to be tight and you have a decent state school, then that might outweigh the benefits of a private school.

Igetcrazytoo thanks so much for looking that up. Your post made me realise what my own poor parents must have forked out for too. Yes, we were talking about tutoring last night - especially as a friend is paying for private fees at a very good school AND still having to pay for tutoring. Another friend was saying that all their middle class friends with children at state schools have ended up paying for tutors too ... crazy, because then results of schools reflect nothing.

Your last post reflects what my brother has recently told me. His DC have gone through a state secondary with great reputation but he's found out the hard way (big cheques) it's all built on the back of parents paying for tutoring to supplement. Making us think hard about paying for private school. Fees v. tutoring + wrap around care + sports clubs = ?

Blimey iget - my ds soes DofE for £15, + about £25-£30 for each expedition !
Betty It's a no-brainer in my world - the state school would be chosen every time. 45mins is not a long journey to secondary school (my dd walks that each way), and anyway, with the saving on fees, you could probably afford a taxi if you wanted to!