Which would you choose?

[BettyBedlam]

DC is academic, non sporty and sensitive child. We can afford private school for our two children, but at a cost (ie leaves little savings and we will have to cut back a bit/wouldn't have much leeway for financing the unexpected).

Option 1:

Private school. DC has an academic scholarship (25% off) and we would probably accept the one to a school 25 mins away on foot. Good academic results - good Oxbridge entrance, good all-round mixed school. Mixed boarding and day but would go daily. DC is not sporty but school is not known particularly for the sport, but is good at sporting stuff. Good at the arts. 98% in yesterday's league tables.

Local state ex grammar school - all boys (we have two sons): Probably 45 mins to 1 hour away. 80% in the recent (yesterday) league tables for GCSEs A-C in 5 subjects. School is very strict and expells anyone who misbehaves beyond a certain number of warnings. Has reputation for being very macho and sporty, but having spoken to people who deal professionally with children there has apparently got excellent pastoral care and should deal well with sensitive child. 65% of boys from our local high achieving church primary school go there.

We think we have decided, but really looking to see if anyone can add anything we haven't already though of.

Private, if it really isn't a hardship. Just because it's so local, & sounds like pastoral care could be very high, maybe that's wrong impression(?)
Are those really your only choices?
Kids do change, you know, become less academic, more sporty, all sorts.

School 1: both sound acceptable, so the difference between a 25 min and a 1 hour journey would be the deciding factor.

Both sound fine and therefore I'd probably choose the state option if paying the fees for private are going to severely compromise your lifestyle.

Is that an hour's walk or drive? If drive then that would rule it out for me, FWIW.

Sending a sensitive boy to a sporty school could be a problem. My son goes to one and he is not at all sporty. For the first 3 years, he suffered with what appeared petty things, kit missing, being tripped on the field,laughed at when he missed a catch on the rugby field, but the drip drip effect really got to him. I considered moving him but he didn't want to go. the school has a good reputation also for pastoral care but my son wouldn't say or do anything in case it got worse, all the teachers saw was him getting down and yes they talked to him but it didn't help. He got so upset one time when I wanted to talk to his tutor I never did, I just replaced the kit that went missing and supported him. Only you know you ds but given my time again I would never have sent him

They really are our only choices, yes. Other schools have dreadful results, or are church schools we wouldn't get into.

The journey to the state school would be a mix of bus and walking. I have to get my other son to school, so cannot drive him.

Ptiger that is our concern. A very non sporty boy showed us around. He had similar problems and spoke up about them and the other child was eventually expelled as this sort of stuff is apparently not tolerated. That is the only reason we are considering at all really.

I know one parent with a non- sporty child struggling but her home life has been difficult (divorce, new man, sudden new baby and new man living hours away) - which can't have helped. Another mum with non-sporty second child is considering elsewhere but her first son goes there.

Arrrgghh

Only 80% GCSEs for a grammar doesn't sound that good, compare with 3 comps near here all got over 70%.
If your son doesn't sit the school I wouldn't send him there. I'd talk again to the private school and see if there would be any further help possible.

mummytime it's an ex grammar, not grammar, which is why the results aren't great (though best in the county from state schools)

If your son has been awarded an academic scholarship you might be eligible for a bursary on top of it.

I think private schools are often the best option for boys who seem slightly different to many in any way. Depending on the school quirkiness is celebrated and there's something for everyone - he should be able to get social standing for being academic there whereas at some schools sport is everything.

We earn too much for a bursary sadly (you have to have a family income of less than £40K to be considered).

Do you think the quirkiness thing applies to all public schools, or just the very best academically? It is seen as an academic, but all-round school (rather than the other private school locally which is seen as a bit of an exam machine and less well rounded).

Also, would holding a scholarship be an unnecessary pressure? Part of the terms are that you continue to excel

CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT TO SAY (SORRY FOR DRIP FEEDING), SOME OF HIS BEST FRIENDS ARE GOING TO THE EX-GRAMMAR

ps: apologies, have ended up cross posting this thread - didn't realise first one had worked.

Look deep into the bursary terms and conditions and make sure yo are happy wit them. We were offered a large one for DD2 but declined partly because our school "b" was more academic and also that they tied you to staying there to 18, and would want the money back if you left before then (which might easily want to eg if they didn't offer the A levels you wants..).

Would you need DS2 to get a an academic award too in order to really be able to afford it- that also complicates the financial issues.

Theas18 do you mean the scholarship terms and conditions - we don't have a bursary?

Scholarship says we have to pay back if we do not give notice.

DS is now in year 7 at grammar, where he knew noone at the start, having won a scholarship to school that two of his best friends were going to. I now think that the existing friendships are much more important that I allowed myself to realise. I also would have preferred him to go to a mixed school (which he hasn't). But the lack of financial stress plus the academic side (so far seems excellent) is great. So, swings and roundabouts.

But friends are very important. While DS says he's perfectly happy at school, he says he's sure he would have been happier at the other one. And whether that's actually true or not, he'll probably always believe it and therefore slightly resent our decision.

MrsCornish - that's a shame, but really interesting, as we are tending to assume that friendships will change in secondary school (which a lot of people seem to say that they do).

Ah, my local school choices all have GCSE pass rates in the range of 40-55%. Presumably that's the sort of "dreadful" results OP meant. DC will attend local secondaries.

Thanks Custard.

BTW OP (sorry for lots of qus) is that 80% inc eng and Maths or just any 5 GCSEs? If the former then 80% is a very good score tbh. Better than any state school in my city.

Will he get in btw? if all other state schools are so dreadful (tho I agree that might just be the kind of school most of us send our kids to) then the distance you live away may count against you? Not trying to be negative, honest!

Clary yes, that includes maths and english.

Yes, he should get in as they have a weird system of taking certain percentages from different parts of the city. We went around the school again last week and the headmaster suggested that our area is likely to have got in (and he knows already who has got in).

PS: Not all the other schools are dreadful, just extremely difficult to get in to, or all girls.

well 80% inc maths and eng is as good as the best state school in my city (I just checked) so the results are great, they are excellent, and if that's what matters to you that may be the best choice.

An hour each way is a long commute but if it's bus and walking rather than driving then at least the school is not 35 miles away!