How do you deal with favouritism in school?

[mummedagain]

I am getting really annoyed about apparent favouritism in younger DCs school. I have two children. Elder child goes to what I would term a normal school - teachers seem to like or dislike certain kids but nothing extreme. Everyone is treated fairly; praise in the form of prizes, commendations or certificates are given to a wide range of kids, equal preference for school trips, equal opportunity to apply for special events.

Deep contrast with younger child's school. Here they seem to almost operate a cult built around certain kids. Every year certain kids (about a dozen out of more than 1500 in the whole school) are honoured in a school ceremony and get their photos put up in the corridoor. The same kids always seem to feature in the school prospectus, website pics, the school magazine, meeting dignitaries etc. Recently we were treated to a school mail shot which was built around a long essay that one particular girl in DC's year had written; along with a fawning commentary from a teacher about how wonderful she is. I have never seen anything like it. The girl also has her own art gallery on the school public website - which no other child, however talented has. That is just a couple of examples based on a child in DC's year. Recently a school trip was advertised with only 40 places, which were apparently to be awarded on interest and effort in the subject. The girl and her friends all got places but my DC and none of their friendship group did; I queried it and was told that the places in fact drawn by lot and it was coincidence.

I know several parents that have complained about various incidents to do with favouritism but are basically told they are complaining because they are jealous! It is really having an effect on DC's confidence to never be as good as X - despite getting the same or higher grades in exams and reports. Don't know what to do. Is this school just really weird or is it something others have to put up with!

"Most children are happy obey rules but if they?re petty and unreasonable many children will not obey for the sake of it".

But the school sets the rules and its their game. If you don't want to play their game then fine but you are complaining that they aren't metaphorically picking your kid for their team.

The world may be full of compliant children but they are rarely super successful and fairly risk averse. I would feel as if I'd failed if my kids didn't have some sort of backbone.

Of course, there can be too much backbone but a school should hand out merit awards not on the basis of which child they like but on merit!

One man's non-conforming free thinker is another man's pain in the backside :)

A few non-compliant children may go on to achieve great things but the reality is that many go on to be labelled as people with attitude problems.

In any case Colleger, you are saying that the school didn't give DC the recognition he deserved because of 'blinkered nepotism'. However, once he got a place at Purcell the school asked him to take part in orchestras and concerts. So I am assuming that you no longer think that 'blinkered nepotism' is in play :)

I apologise if it appears as if I am picking on you. I obviously don't know you or your DC so you are probably 100% right about your school and the teachers but on the surface it looks like you are looking for excuses.

I loved this discussion. I think institutions by definition favour conformists. Conformists inevitably feel safest within institutions. My children are not conformist, (partly because) their parents are not. We are by no means non-conformist, but we question authority, petty rules, politics and unfairness. Most of you might enjoy the analysis in the attached link (pushydad you might not). I know which group I’d rather my children were in. No sentinels here thankfully! www.16personalities.com/articles/fight-the-power-distrust-of-authority-figures-by-personality-type

I have also experienced this and am sick to the teeth of it. The problem I feel is that there aren't enough old-school experienced teachers who have the life experience to keep these things fair. My DC school has lots of 20-something teachers who are courted by parents with gifts from the moment they arrive and they favour the children of those parents.

It does make you wonder where they were when the module about the responsibilities of teachers as a profession, making a difference, preparing children for the real world, encouraging effort rather favouritism etc. was being assessed in their teaching course.

You could argue that there is no harm, things like this happen in life etc, however I've seen many children leave that school thinking they are absolutely amazing and then crumbling at their senior school. I've also seen children who are enthusiastic and committed about music, art or sport give up because they believe the message that they simply aren't good enough and should try something else.

This should not be happening at primary school.