What would you choose? Top private school or superselective grammar?

[goldieandthreebears]

Here is my dilema:
My very academic 10 year old DD (my eldest of 3) has just gone through the horror of 11+ and sailed through.
Back in September she got top marks in a super-selective grammar school so it is highly possible that she will get an offer from that school on 1st March.
Last week she sat a top academic girls private school and has been offered an academic scholarship (a reduction of the fees by 10%).
DH and I are both professionals working in the public sector,so although we are by no means struggling it would be quite difficult to send all 3 of our children to private secondary schools.
My DD is extremely hard workind and she would be fine in both schools. She is also very sporty and a good musician and both schools cater for these. However, the private school is a 10 minute bike ride from home whereas the grammar school would be a 45 minute journey.This worries me slightly as she is generally very busy in the evenings with her competitive sports club. What would you do?

If it is a top private school and it is also nearer, then I think that would be teh best choice. Depends on things like how many pupils in both schools gain entrance to top universities etc., but all things being equal, I thing the private school just tips it. the reason being it is not what you know, but who you know. She will probably makes friends with people who are more privileged and who will therefore probably be more likely to end up as movers and shakers, even if they are less clever than the kids at the grammar. A lot of that will also rub off on her and prestige and privilege do still have value.

I read the article about the girl who wrote a letter of rejection to Magdalen College. She may think it was funny and she did the right thing, but I don't think she really understands the value of soemwhere like Magdalen College.

What would a Russian oligarch choose and why? If it's good enough for them, it's good enough for us.

Russian oligarchs probably don't worry about their children's future earning potential, or what will happen if they lose their jobs and have to take DC out of school, or have to decide whether it's better to spend the family resources on school fees, support with university costs, the deposit on a flat, family holidays or the older generation's pension.

Agree Yellowstone, and well done to your daughter.
But the Bulligdonians, sultans and oligarchs can't all be wrong. Even if their kids don't make it into Magdalen, just having gone to Eton, will probably give them a good headstart. They will probably get benefits out of it even if they are less clever than thousands of state-schooled kids, Just look at some of the Cabiinet to see that. One or two of them aren't the sharpest tools in the box.

Did I miss something? Russian oligarch? I've just been reading about the one who's had his post-nup torn up by a High Court judge but what has a Russian oligarch got to do with grammars?

DilysPrice, agree it all depends on whether you can afford it. But if you can, I think it does buy you advantage. Even Blair went to a private school like Fettes.

'but what has a Russian oligarch got to do with grammars?'

it's lateral thinking

I guess I put education for its own sake above oligarchy claig. I play the short game. Saves hassle.

Or perhaps irrelevant or even confused?

''but what has a Russian oligarch got to do with grammars?'

precisely, nothing. They all choose private schools for a reason.

Well claig there are actually very few Etonians in the current first year at Magdalen so they may be barking up the wrong tree :)

'I guess I put education for its own sake above oligarchy claig. I play the short game. Saves hassle.'

Yes, that's where you differ from the oligarchs, but they're probably confused too.

Do you think Blair would have passed the 11 plus and got into a grammar? I think he would. But he still went to Fettes.

Btw agree that Eton guarantees a fabulous secondary education, just not necessarily the rest.

'Well claig there are actually very few Etonians in the current first year at Magdalen so they may be barking up the wrong tree'

I agree with that, they're probably not that smart, but that won't hold them back.

Yes claig, but oligarchshave unlimited funds. The OP has already said that if she had unlimited funds she'd go private, she agrees with your assertion that the best private schools are always the ideal choice. The issue is what decision to make given that there are only limited funds available to the family.

Ok this is getting too illogical. I expect most oligarchs are very smart, or the chances are they wouldn't be oligarchs.

I don't think you have to send all three if one child would clearly benefit from an independent education but not the others. If you treat all children equally then they could all miss out rather than all benefit.

The OP says
'we are by no means struggling it would be quite difficult to send all 3 of our children to private secondary schools'

She implies that money is not really teh issue for her DD. There is no need to send all 3 private, as Yellowstone has shown, there are tons of brighter kids in state schools and superselectives probably outsmart the private schools, but that is not the only thing that counts. With unlimited funds, you say you would choose private. You say you are filthy rich. The OP is not filthy rich but her DD has passed a scholarship for a top private school where the elite go. I think she should grab it with both hands, because whatever they tell us, we don't really live in a meritocratic society and social mobility has been in declne.

' I expect most oligarchs are very smart, or the chances are they wouldn't be oligarchs'

That's where you're wrong. Some are crooks. You probably also think all of the Cabinet and Shadoiw Cabinet are smart, which is why they are where they are. You only have to listen to some of them to see that that is not the case.

DD1 is at a superselective grammar with a similar journey. A lot of the pupils get the train and do the ten minute walk, DD enjoys that part of the school day as she meets her friends and it's quite social.

She has a huge mix of girls in her class in terms of background and culture and I love how that's very much part of her education. DD is also shy, well was at primary school but being in an academic environment with other similar girls has really brought her out of herself. Her's is a single sex school, I'm not sure if it would be different if it were co-ed although I can't help think that boys would be a distraction.

I'd look at your financial situation and the 'fairness' aspect as you have 3 children. You'd be setting them up for a lot of resentment an sibling rivalry if you sent one private and not the others, especially as it's possible that the others might not get a grammar school place either.

I'd also look at the child. What is the attitude to work like at both schools? Some children thrive under academic pressure/competition, others suffer.

Remember that if you send her to the grammar school you will have the fee money you haven't spent - or at least eg a third of it as you said the fees would be stretching you financially - to spend on supplementing her school education with eg extra music lessons, educational trips etc. Some of those are things you'd have to pay for on top of the school fees if you went private. And from my experience as a child and parent, private schools really know how to do trips - ski trips and trips to Russia, China and S. America etc as well as all the 'educational' ones.

I think they're very intelligent, powerful people.

Claig does not represent the views of MN as a whole.

I like my tea sans polonium.

'I think they're very intelligent, powerful people.'
A lot of gullible people think that.

This is about Abramovich from wikipedia

'He attended regular state schools and was an average student. Information on his university education is controversial. Some sources suggest that he attended the Ukhta Industrial University, while others point to The Gubkin Russian State University of Oil and Gas in Moscow. Both universities deny his attendance. In Abramovich?s official biography it is stated that he graduated from the Moscow State Law Academy in 2001, but rumours still circulate that he dropped out. Some sources claim that this supposed law-degree was completed in just two years whereas most law-education institutions require at least four years in attendance.'

Roman Abramovich started his multi-billion-dollar business during his army service where he sold stolen gasoline to some of the commissioned officers of his unit.[5] After a brief stint in the Soviet Army, he married his first wife, Olga. He first worked as a street-trader and then as a mechanic at a local factory.[6] At the peak of perestroika, Abramovich sold imported rubber ducks from his Moscow apartment. Some sources suggest that these ducks were imported illegally, but no evidence of this exists'

'Claig does not represent the views of MN as a whole.'
True, I prefer to think for myself.

DilysPrice says
'she agrees with your assertion that the best private schools are always the ideal choice. '

I think that is the case. I'd rather it wasn't true, I am just adding it to the points that the OP should consider.