What would you choose? Top private school or superselective grammar?

[goldieandthreebears]

Here is my dilema:
My very academic 10 year old DD (my eldest of 3) has just gone through the horror of 11+ and sailed through.
Back in September she got top marks in a super-selective grammar school so it is highly possible that she will get an offer from that school on 1st March.
Last week she sat a top academic girls private school and has been offered an academic scholarship (a reduction of the fees by 10%).
DH and I are both professionals working in the public sector,so although we are by no means struggling it would be quite difficult to send all 3 of our children to private secondary schools.
My DD is extremely hard workind and she would be fine in both schools. She is also very sporty and a good musician and both schools cater for these. However, the private school is a 10 minute bike ride from home whereas the grammar school would be a 45 minute journey.This worries me slightly as she is generally very busy in the evenings with her competitive sports club. What would you do?

[goldieandthreebears]

How awful for your DD TheReturn. Hasn't she found the commute easier as she got older?

[Hullygully]

It really depends on HOW bright the child is.

IME (of all types), private schools go much more beyond and aroudn the curriculum. Grammars deliver the curriculum and get excellent results (because the raw material is bright and the parents are motivated), but private go further.

[Hullygully]

Only boring people get bored

sure, outside the classroom, but if you're sitting through a lesson you know and understand already and try to entertain yourself - you tend to get told off...

[CarrotsAreNotTheOnlyVegetables]

goldie, my DD had a similar commute to the one you are talking about all through primary and she coped no problem. She actually liked having the time to sit down and chill before starting the day, and to wind down or get the homework out of the way on the way home.

[goldieandthreebears]

I also completely agree with Carrits DM

[goldieandthreebears]

sorry carrots

[TheReturnoftheSmartArse]

Unfortunately not, Goldie - she's just started counselling for various stress-related problems. Having said that, this is just OUR experience. Your DD is undoubtedly very different and may cope absolutely fine - I'm sure most of them do. Don't be sure she'll be doing homework on the train, though - my lot would rather chat!

As I say, this is just our experience. And given my time again, I might make different choices. We had the choice between Tiffin or slightly less selective independent school and chose the latter because it was less hectic and smaller than the grammar. Having said that, the grammar would have entailed a similar journey so we would have had the same problem. Unfortunately she didn't get into the independent school 10 minutes away!

[TheReturnoftheSmartArse]

Sorry, named school. Didn't mean to and shouldn't have. Not that it matters much, as DD isn't there anyway.

[CarrotsAreNotTheOnlyVegetables]

Hully, I don't agree with you. I have direct experience of highly selective private and state.

DD's highly selective prep (junior school to a top day school you will have heard of) taught to a very high level but in a very traditional, somtimes dry way. DD had no problem keeping up with it all but was not very enthused by some of it.

In the top stream of her comp she is bubbling with enthusiasm about her lessons, is working very hard and achieving top grades. She has discovered an enthusiasm for science which she hated at her last school. She has NOT found herself in the position of sitting through any lessons she can do in her sleep. Probably because all the other girls in her class are very bright - it can happen in state schools you know!

I very much doubt that OP's DD will find herself not stretched at a super selective - lots of DCs who gain places at highly selective private secondaries are turned down by them.

There are PLENTY of opportunities to excel in a good state school. DCs just need to grab them, not moon about waiting to be spoon fed.

[TheReturnoftheSmartArse]

The grammar is highly selective and will therefore be full of bright children, eager to learn. I'm sure she'll be stretched and stimulated and will do fantastically well.

[goldieandthreebears]

I feel for you themighty, but you have to do what is best for your DS1 and hopefully your DS2 will be fine with the 11+

Carrots, thanks that is very reassuring. As I didn't go to school in the UK, I have no idea what the differences between an outstanding state school and a top private day school might be (if any)

[goldieandthreebears]

thanks theReturn, I feel very positive about the grammar school

[TheReturnoftheSmartArse]

You should definitely go with your gut feeling!

I just wanted to get my bit in about the journey because it isn't a joy for everyone.

[goldieandthreebears]

I hope everything turns out ok for your DD TheReturn. The relatively long journey is the only disadvantage I can see over the private school. I hope my DD doesn't find it a challenge, but I suppose we won't really know until she starts doing it. At the moment school is a 10 minute walk from home and I drive her to all the afterschool activities, so she has no real experience of commuting.

[Hullygully]

Carrots

Our experiences are clearly different.

We shall have to agree to differ.

[CarrotsAreNotTheOnlyVegetables]

Yes, Hully. Our differing experiences show that there is no universal truth regarding the quality of education delivered by the state sector and the private.

In both sectors some schools are excellent and inspirational, others are simply dire.

The OP will have to judge for herself what her particular options are like. It sounds to me like her state option is extremely good and she would gain little by paying for private. As she is not awash with spare cash she would be unwise to spend it without being pretty sure she was getting good value for it.

Others (like you) will find themselves faced with completely different options.

I would say that it would generally be easier to try the grammar and transfer to private later if the Op is dissatisfied. It will be pretty much impossible to move from private to grammar later on.

[Hullygully]

I don't have different options btw! Just different experiences. Mine are not at private now.

But yes, agree with your last post absolutely.

[IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll]

I stand corrected on the UCAS thing then, I'm not there yet so don't have any experience.

I don't think you can compare grammar schools versus private schools on those two factors alone. They are all very different to each other, you can only judge by the individual schools.

[missmiss]

I would normally say choose the private school, but if you can't afford it for all three you might be wise to choose the grammar and send one of your othe DC private if they don't make the grammar school later down the line.

Although the grammar commute is longer, I bet the school day itself is shorter, which balances things out anyway.

[CarrotsAreNotTheOnlyVegetables]

By different options I just mean you are looking at different individual schools.

Only you can judge the relative quality of those schools.

I would agree with you, if I judged a state school to be inadequate for a particular DC I would do a lot to stretch to paying for a private school which was a lot better for them. But I would only do that stretching of finances if I saw real benefits.

[Greythorne]

If you are nit sure you can afford it for all three children, it is a no-brainer. Choose grammar school now and supplement with holidays, educational trips, exchanges etc. With the cash saved.

That way, if DC2 and DC3 do not pass the grammar exam, you will be sure to be able to pay for them to go private as a back up.

[mummytime]

Children at all kinds of school often find they have to reign in their activities a bit when they go to senior school. 45 minutes sounds quite a straight forward journey. Mine walk for about that long, and actually quite enjoy it, as they go with friends (it is also another way of meeting people).

BTW I know children at Essex Grammar's who have been very stretched, and not at all bored (went on to Oxbridge, just like those from my local comp).

[Dauphin]

I have 3 and am not at your stage yet, but visualising myself in a few years I would choose the grammar. The children will most likely be of a similar academic background, and I would suggest that many grammars advocate a strong academic culture to both challenge pupils and ensure that they work consistently hard at their studies to remain at the school. A good thing, in my book.

I know someone who's dds go to different secondary schools: her eldest daughter who she considers to be academic is at the local grammar; her youngest, less academic, sporty DD is at an independent. She feels that both girls' needs are being met.

Hope you come to the best decision - your DD sounds like she will thrive and be successful wherever she goes....Incidentally, if you do decide on the independent route, do try to gain a bigger reduction.

[goldieandthreebears]

This has been a very enlightening discussion for me. I will show DH this thread and we will sit down with DD and make a decision. I will also check if a bigger reduction in the private school fees is possible. Thank you all

[DilysPrice]

Yes, do double check the small print on the bursaries, because they often allow you to net your income down for all sorts of stuff (tax, mortgage, other DC). DH and I are filthy rich by any normal standards but we'd scrape a bursary at some schools.