DS hating his new school

[Orchidlady]

DS has broken down in floods of tears saying he hates his new school. I know it is difficult especially as he was the only one from his junior school ( small village school with less than 50 pupils) and does not know anyone. He is shy but I am trying to assure him that he will make freinds. Does anyone have any ideas about how I can help him cope. It heart breaking just want him to be happy.

You can at least tell him that he's very far from alone. We live in a rural area too and lots of the shyer ones find it extremely hard if they go up to secondary 'alone'.

I'm not an intervener myself on the whole, but I would e-mail the school and ask his form tutor to ring. If she can very subtly encourage even one other boy to include your DS then it might make all the difference, before groups begin to form.

There's often a lot of change in group formations through Y7, but I expect your DS just needs someone, it's probably more important at this stage than who.

Oh poor love. My DD has just started in Y7 but was at the same prep school, but has been put in a different class to most of her friends, but she is putting a brave face on it. One of the other girls from the prep however is crying every morning - the mother has been in and asked for her to be moved to the other form but school are standing firm but have allowed the girl to choose who she sits next to. There is another girl who is a new starter and my DD says she keeps having panic attacks and shakes a lot of the time. I cannot imagine how dreadful it must be for her, and her mother.

Definitely talk to the school. Do they not have mentoring system in place where older children are put in charge of a Y7 to help them settle in? I am sure the form tutor should be able to find someone to take your DS under their wing for a few weeks. There are probably others in the same boat who he could team up with. And what about clubs and societies to get him meeting others at lunchtime?

Hope he settles down soon.

Thanks guys, it so horrible isn't. Funnily enough just I had a call from the head of year as DS was crying in class and had to be removed and wanted to come home, unfortunately Grandma said in front of him @ the weekend that "grandad is dying and does not have long for this world", he is very sensitive and cited this is why he was upset. I have told head yes that is one thing but really it is the whole school exp and feels very lonely there, he is going to get form tutor to look out for him, they were very supportive. Just so feel for him, poor little chap. It really hard to all kids but I think it the not knowing anyone that is the major problem. Thanks for the ideas btw

On my DDs first day, she skipped off happily with a friend, but one new boy came into the school reception, a great big hulk of a lad, and he was crying, and the head of the school put an arm round him a led him off, at which point the receptionist and I looked at each and burst into tears. It always seems much worse when it is boys. Girls cry all over the place at this age but a boy (or a man even) in tears always reduces me to a quivering heap.

Oh don't you get me @ it in a minute, it does actually make it worse because he is big for is age. I hope they don't take the piss. Kids can be cruel

It takes a term IME for them to really settle in. Grit your teeth for a term of hell (yours!), do everything to help, and know that It Will Pass.

I know it will settle Hully you are absolutely right, I hope I am saying all the right things to him. It just breaks your heart to see him so upset and scared.

It does Orchid, I don't think I slept for the whole term.

What I did was host endless sleepovers, make him join sports and other clubs, join everything myself at the school so I could meet other parents..

Clubs thing is a really good idea, I think I will get him to do that. I thought he was doing so well the first week, probably just putting on a brave face. He just needs to make some pals.

Especially for boys, clubs are essential, it is much easier for them to get to know each other over a shared activity. Force him!

And remember that boys are much more inclusive than girls Orchid, much more welcoming really and much more laid back about a new boy joining the group.

Glad to hear the school rang, they sound pretty switched on.

Oh, poor thing

I agree, get him to join clubs and badger him to ask other children round.

How does he travel to/from school? Does he meet other children on his route?

You must tell the school. The school really must know of any situation/problem that hinders a childs learning.
Good Luck

I agree with DanFM you MUST tell the school, and get him involved in clubs and as much as you can. It will take at least a term for things to settle down. Hopefully the pastoral care at the school is good enough that you can approach them and explain the situation at home. My heart goes out to you. My DD went to her school on her own to a school of 1300. She did make friends eventually but it did take a while for things to settle down. I wish you well in your first term at secondary school. Keep everyone posted as to how it goes!! We're all here for you!!