Keeping up with the Georginas!

[Ormirian]

My DC went to a primary school in quite a poor area - no-one had any money to spare and most DC didn't go on holiday at all or if they did, it was only in the UK. Now that DS1 and DD are at secondary school (was dire now outstanding) they are mixing with a wider variety of backgrounds and DD has managed to aquire some friends with wealthy parents. She can live with the fact that they have farms and big farmhouses, and their own ponies . But since the summer holidays we've had lots of (seemingly) lighthearted comments about 'everyone else' going abroad and how Georgina has gone to Lanzarote and L has been in France and the other G went to Cuba etc etc and she only went to Wales and it was so boring etc etc.

Now we could go abroad if we saved madly all year and cut out all other treats and outings. Currently we are saving for DS1 to go on a school trip to the States and I am fully expecting DD to be given the same chance to go next year and we can't in all fairness say no. So there isn't much spare cash to save up for holidays.

I already feel a bit guilty on the subject - I don't want my DC to grow up as parochial little Englanders - but it would be so hard to manage as things stand.

How do you deal with holiday-envy (or pony envy, or house-envy or all the other varieties of the same thing)?

My youngest gets envious of other people's big gardens.... I don't know if I deal with it as such, I think I just agree that I wish we had a bigger garden too!

Hopefully when they've been there a bit longer they'll meet some non-Georginas, or see that the Georginas might be lacking in other, less material things, or just get used to it and not be as star-struck.

I do get this though.

Dunno, we are just us and the mates are themselves and we haven't really had it I guess....though there are plenty of rich kids at the kids schools (DD1s mate is taking a gap year to do equestrian things at a high level etc) . THink it helps that the kids know we prioritise our spending on them- music lessons, uni saving etc and also that the rich kids aren't "spolit brats" but just normal kids who can hold noisy sleep overs in the flat over the barn and the parents let them.

On the POV of holidays though, we go abroad as it is cheaper than england in the summer to root out bargains in france etc on 'tinternet. Tunnel is cheap and we spent less than £400 on house rental. You can't do better in england for 3 adults 2 kids (or 4 adult 1 child depending on the cut off age as DS is 15) . The food/meals out etc cost much the same.
(look at houses where the DC share a room off the adults room or similar slightly odd arrangements!)

Really dont worry about it.

It will soon be apparent that some wealthy kids are deprived in other ways, eg parental attention. You, not money give kids a good start in life. Sensible parents, rich or poor, will want their own kids to be grounded and to be friends with nice straightforward kids. Money, as well as poverty, can make be a challenge.

One friend with two boys on bursaries at a major public school gave me the tip that by the time they get to be teenagers rich parents are often on the look out for a friend to take on holiday. The main qualification for any invitee is to be well behaved and not likely to be jetting off somewhere with their own family.

In the long term it is probably useful that your children are mixing with children from a variety of backgrounds, and that they learn to be proud of who they are and where they come from.

(Having said that any mother who has not felt occasionally intimidated on the school run, where ever the school is, is probably lying, whether it is the clever musical and gifted child, the post holidays or the straight from the gym physique.)

I life we always have to cope with a mixture of people. I work directly with someone who is currently selling land worth 30x my house value, however, he is no happier than me : two years ago he lost a son to an illness. It's easier when you are older to appreciate what is really valuable.

With children its more difficult, but I expect they have looked at those with 'apparantly' more and not considered those with very much less. Also, some may have even borrowed to go away - spending is not necessarily a direct illustration of wealth!

I think bringing children up to want things they haven't experienced is a good thing. Might make them want to work hard to buy it for themselves.

Orm - I'm sure you know that 'everyone else' in kidspeak means 'everyone else to whom x applies' ('everyone else goes to bed at 10pm on schoolnights' - yeah, right)

I'm afraid I don't have any sage advice on envy because my DD (so far) doesn't seem to suffer from it. I suppose we've always tried to make sure holidays - in the UK till she was 10, a mix thereafter - were interesting. The UK has some wonderful places which attract people from around the world - no reason to be guilty about taking kids to e.g Hadrians Wall, London or the Lake District (random varied sample) rather than a pool/beach holiday abroad (my idea of boring!) for sure.

Yes grimma, I know of one of her friends at least who stayed in a caravan down the coast from here so I suspect 'everyone else' is a fairly narrow and specific definition.

We live in a very very mixed area and dd went to local primary now local secondary. She has and always has had friends who live in big houses and have 3 cars and 4 holidays a year and a second home...she also has friends at the other extreme. I would say we are somewhere down the middle though nearer the poorer end iyswim. But what I've always always found is that the local school is a real leveller and she chooses friends because she likes them rather than because of material assets. Of course we have those discussions "how come we're off to Wales and x's family are off to Florida?" but we tend to, and always have said, everyone spends their money as they see fit. We have tried to make her appreciate how hard we work for our money etc etc but sometimes it is difficult.

BTW I had to laugh at your opening title as my dd's name is....Georgina

Oops posey

Sorry. Nowt wrong with the name. It's just there are 2 in DD's social group as well as a Georgia.

No don't , it made me laugh and made me read the thread . Just I never heard of Georgina being used in that context!

Would not worry about my DS mixes with all types he does not envy the richer kids or look down at the not so well of ones. But then I do not either everyone is important.

Saying all this he envys the ones with the divorced parents because they get two christmases.

Apparently "EVERYONE went to Turkey this summer" except us. I do feel a bit bad about us going for a week away in our touring caravan every year and 'everyone else' going somewhere exotic for 3 or 4 weeks. But I think dd2(16) is coming through it as we just get a sigh now when we discuss holiday plans and not the previous stomping around complaining we NEVER go ANYWHERE decent

Also sympathise with the pony/house/4 dogs/swimming pool envy. A couple of years ago Dd2 decided her role model was her friend's mum and she was just going to leave school at 16, marry someone rich and just be a housewife because that was the only way to live a life of luxury!

"But then I do not either everyone is important!"

Well, so do I . I am not sure that a child who is envious of something someone else has is neccessarily modeling the behaviour of an envious adult.

Thanks for all your responses btw. I think she hit a nerve because I already feel a bit inadequate on the subject of holidays.

I will tell her to deal with it ! Alternatively give up her riding lessons and expensive book habit to pay for a week somewhere hot.

Cuba is very cheap and quite chavvy (whoops, prepare for flaming). We went last year on an all inclusive for little more than the cost of hiring a cottage in Cornwall.

We have this with DD who has always been at the local private school. There are some ridiculously wealthy people, but also those who scrimp and save to send their DCs. Our DD just has to learn that everyone's circumstances are different.

Cultivate the friends with ponies for free riding, and those with holiday homes abroad for possible holidays.

Really? Might give it a go then.....

Orm when children reach a certain age I think it's a good idea to share information with them so that they understand properly.

I think if you sat down with your DD and showed her how expensive the holiday she wants is, then pointed out what would have to go, including things she enjoys ( as you say horse riding and books ), then she may reassess.

Orm - from memory it was £2600 for 2 weeks for three of us, all inclusive.

Oh dear. I'm sure it's very good value but out of our price range as things stand. Or cottage in Pembroke cost us £690 for a week plus petrol and food (which we'd spend anyway) and a bit extra for treats. And it left us a bit brassic. I think DD needs to find some new parents

word - i think she knows we can't afford it. But it doesn't stop her wishing. But maybe a good sensible talk would help crystallise her thinking.

Apart from the usual advice about everone's different and don't let it bother you, have you considered getting a tent and heading off to France in it? A ferry crossing and accomodation would come in well under £690 for a week even in high season. If you don't fancy the inital outlay then look out for bargain trips at Whitsun half term or the end of the summer holidays with Canvas or Eurocamp in their ready set up tents, they often sell off weeks inc ferry crossings for around £300 when they have spare space.