yr7 - childcare transition

[noarguments]

Week one with DS going into year 7 has gone really well - I'm dead proud of him.
The thing I'm struggling with is a chidcare issue. DS 2 (yr5) goes to after school club til 5.15 on 3 days a week when I do full days at work. The idea is that DS 1 will come home on the bus, let himself in, and look after himself til I return.

He seems fine with this, and although I arranged to work from home a couple of days this week, he did come in by himself once and I arrived home (earlier than usual, I was too nervous!) to find him happily watching TV. He's quite sensible but it does seem a long time for him suddenly to be at home by himself for 90 minutes 3 days a week when he has hardly been left at all before.
I'd love to hear your experiences - most of his mates have older siblings, so they're not home alone, and I'm feeling quite anxious that I'm making him grow up too fast! PFB?

If oyu are not happy for him to be home so much on his own, could he study in the library after school one/two days a week? Once he gets into the routine of secondary school, you will probably also find that he will be taking part in after-school sports, drama etc and so will be coming home later at times anyway. Does he call you when he gets home? Have you arranged that there is a neighbour he could go to if he has a problem?

You have got to start sometime leaving them at home by themselves. 90 mins sounds a reasonable amount of time, because it really isn't long enough to get into that much bother. As long as you have gone through all the "what ifs" eg what to do if you forget the key, what to do if someone calls at the door, how to contact someone in an emergency.

my DD is home for ages before i am! never timed it might do that...

I left my daughter alone at that age, and asked her to text me at work to let me know she got in ok. She is very sensible so I trusted her, but I did feel happier in the summer when she wasn't coming home on the school bus as it was getting dark. She did go to her childminder on the days I wasn't home until 6.30pm, but now in year 9 can look after herself until 8pm.

I used to phone to check up on them when I first let them be home alone (mainly DD who was in the last term of year 6, but hated the after school club). We also set down rules, about what they were allowed to do and not to do. I was also fortunately not far away.
However their secondary school does have a homework club in the library after school which was always an alternative.

It's normal, your child is coping fine by the look of it. Keep in touch by txt and maybe "pop home early" sporadically just to keep an eye.

However if you think 90 mins of an evening is hard, have you sorted what to do on days like today- my 12yr old has an inset and everyone else is back at school/work??

She's fine and is yr 8 so has done it before though

I'm possibly facing that a bit come September. DS1 will be going into Y9 and DS2 starting the same school in Y7. Currently, the 2 days a week I work later, my mum waits here at my house til, on one day, DH comes in 2 1/4 hours later, (when she hot foots it home, a 12 mile drive); on the other day, she stays for dinner with us all.

Thing is, she's 78 and we had our first babysitting 'issue' just before Xmas when she 'sat' the DSs here whilst DH and I went to his works Xmas 'do' which, being a manager, he is expected to attend, as is his missus, my good self! We left at 7.30 and came in at 11pm (the earliest opportunity). DM was really quite cross (even though she goes to bed at midnight and 'sits' the boys maybe twice a year, late) so I see the writing on the wall.

I am wondering whether I can leave the boys from getting in from school (3.20-30pm-ish) to 5.30pm (DH's home time) two days a week, too. Neither are daft but still, it is a fair bit of time.

Wish I could change my hours at work, tbh!

Litten, I would say a y9 and a y7 can be left together at home for 2 hours. Just get them to phone to tell you they have arrived at home for your peace of mind. Give yourself and your DM a break, they will be fine and will probably respond well to being given a bit of independence.

ds started S1 in August - he is 11. I was worried he would be coming home on his own 2-3 days a week for about 1.5 - 2 hrs - but he loves it! He phones both me and dh when he gets into the house and has all our contact numbers in his school bag. The neighbours are aware and he know he can go to them in an emergency (like when his door key snapped in the lock before Christmas!) He gets peace to play his PS3 and watch TV and is absolutely fine.

I was just going to start a thread on a similar subject... when the new semester starts, I will not finish teaching until 4 on a day when dd2, who's in year 6 and will be 11 in April, doesn't have any after school activities (school finishes 3.15).

She's walked halfway home before to be met by dd1, whose school is between home and primary, and they walk the rest together and arrive when I do.

However dd1 has something unmovable after school on Tuesday, which is the day in question.

Would anyone be ok with a 10 year old walking home (one busy road but has crossing), letting herself in and then waiting about 45 mins/an hour in an empty house?

You're right, carrots, it would actually be a good time for them to start doing that, once they're in the same school (DS1 doesn't do any after school activities) so could hopefully be on the same bus (of 2) as DS2, as well.

Elaine not to put you off at all! So, sorry in advance! My experience was rather different to yours, but:

We did the secondary school catchment move, a matter of 3 miles, renting a 3 storey town-house in the new catchment whilst looking for a house to buy but not wanting to be caught out by a collapsing chain etc. The new local primary had a place for DS1 who was half a term from finishing Y5 (you'll know they have to be in catchment in October, is it, in their Y6, hence the timing), but not for DS2 who was nearing the end of Y3 so had to stay and wait in his old school. Bear in mind the new primary was a 5 minute walk along a well-trafficked footpath to our renter, but this school finished at 3pm, whereas DS2, still at the old school, finished at 3.20pm. Note there's no parking anywhere near the new primary so there was no realistic 'grab and run' possible, and the boys were a bit discombobulated by the house move/school move etc. .

So I armed DS1 with a key, and alerted a friendly new neighbour that DS would be alone from 3.05 til 3.45-50pm when I'd return from picking DS2 up from 3 miles away. Fine.

Been doing it 3 weeks, no problems, when one afternoon I went to find the iron in the ground floor kitchen. I searched high and low, then DS1 said 'oh, it's up in my (2nd floor) bedroom'- um, why? Because he'd got in from school, then heard 'thumping' upstairs... so, after realising I was half an hour away, he gathered his courage, grabbed a weapon and went upstairs to investigate! Of course, he found nothing but I felt so bad! (Transpired it was the neighbours running up and down their adjacent stairs, through the party wall)- he was a bit happier when he realised what it was but we then instigated the 'grab and run' method where he'd be first out of school at 3, we'd run to the nearest place I could park my car, then drive swiftly to the other school where DS2 was sufficiently used to the 'new' arrangements' that he knew to wait by the school wall if we were late....

Luckily, 2 days before the school year ended, a place came up for DS2 to go into Y4 of the new school, problem solved.

Lord, litten, that's the sort of thing you worry about from all angles, isn't it?

I think the idea of her sitting there being frightened of a noise somewhere else in the house is quite a worrying one - and it's the sort of child she is, I think. I mean, she's sensible and so on, but also a bit of a worrier. I know I used to fret like that at that age....

Yes, me too, I was like that.

I don't think it's inherently wrong at all for your DD to be alone for 45 mins once a week, incidentally- I mean, I did it to mine! It does depend what sort of DC she is, and, of course, do a tour of the house listening out for 'funny noises' and explain them. Tell her to come in and stick the TV on immediately, maybe leave a snack and drink out so all she has to do is slump in front of the noisy telly, that way she won't hear 'odd' noises.

I think the house move/school move and all that heightened my DS's fears, too, our stuff still in boxes etc. He laughs about it now.

I also recall my parents used to leave my DB alone at home of a Friday evening and drive 7 miles to the late evening supermarket to do the weekly shop (we are talking 1970, here!). We lived deep in the countryside, and were left to do the dishes in their absence. Oh, the fights!

Anyway, my DB who'd've been, what, 10? I was therefore 8- got a bit of an obsession about Tutankhamen- we'd been to London to the British Museum to see the exhibition. SO this particular evening we convinced ourselves that the mummy was in the downstairs loo, off the boiler room. So mum and dad returned a couple of hours later to find the pair of us, still carrying tea towels, sitting on the front lawn, too scared to enter the house.... they weren't amused...