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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

To all of you dropping your "babies" at university this autumn..

40 replies

onestepbehind · 20/08/2011 01:01

When she was almost five years old I dropped my daughter off in Reception class. Being a teacher myself I was quite happy with where she was going. She was fine. No problem.
Six years later I sent her off to secondary school with a small tear in my eye.
Seven years went by. I dropped her off at university. She was excited with all the possibilities.
"Bye, you can bugger off now you've helped me move my stuff into my room." although not said in words......in that offhand way...teenagers.......quick hug......phone me....
I cried all the way back down the M6.
But she was ready to fly.
It took me a couple of months to realise I had an extra room.... and possibilities.
It gets easier and hopefully you will have a well rounded person by the end of it.

OP posts:

mathanxiety · 20/08/2011 04:45

I can't even look at photos of DS as a baby any more because of the start of university. DD1 I sent off without half as much tissue use . DS still seems so much in need of handholding, such a homebody in so many ways, very helpful, very appreciative of home cooking... DD1 by contrast used home as a crash pad for a long time. She was (and is) very fond of us all and visits frequently, but she never wore her heart on her sleeve in that regard the way DS does.

Yellowstone · 20/08/2011 10:22

Anyhow I thought your DS was a boarder math and going to uni close by? He's doing medicine, no? Congratulations to him for getting his grades and getting in.

I find they're back before I've had time to catch breath. At the moment mine are going to uni at the rate of one a year.

mathanxiety · 20/08/2011 16:15

and Yellowstone.

Mine are spaced out a bit more so I'll never have more than two away at uni at the same time. DD1 didn't even come home for the past two summers so I think I can safely say she has flown the coop.

You probably have the packing and preparing down to a science at this point..

Ponders · 20/08/2011 16:39

hmmmmmmmmmmm - DS2 informed me yesterday that as far as he's concerned, once he's gone in Sept he will never live here again. Which was nice.

So I think I'll sell his guitars & rent his room out

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 20/08/2011 16:46

ds2 went to university- came back to visit a few weeks later (with his washing). When he spoke to his mates he said 'I'm going home Sunday night', meaning home to university.

Glad he'd settled well but gutted in some ways that he'd already mentally moved out.

ggirl · 20/08/2011 16:51

I was dreading it ..seeing her leave. But she has been on gap yah travelling and tbh I haven't missed her that much.
She's been home now for a few weeks and she is definitely ready to leave.
She won't be back before xmas I don't think because she's going to sheffield and we're on south coast , well maybe..do they have a week off in between??
Anyway I am fine with her going now.
I so remember that feeling of desperately wanting to get out of my hometown.

Ponders · 20/08/2011 16:58

they might have a 'study week' in Oct, ggirl - they def get one some time, just not sure it's then.

DS2 is going to Sheffield too - he is a bit nearer to us but I still don't expect to see much of him - he has friends going to Manchester & Newcastle & I suspect they'll see much more of him than we will!

ggirl · 20/08/2011 17:03

oh really! what's he studying? And is he in halls.
DD in endcliffe froggat

GetOrfMoiCarbsClaire · 20/08/2011 17:08

I am dreading it. DD is nearly 16, and has a couple of years left before she leaves home, but I cannot think about it sensibly without getting upset. I have no idea what I will do when she leaves.

I know this sounds ridiculously melodramatic. It's stupid isn't it.

Ponders · 20/08/2011 17:09

studying Politics & Philosophy, what's DD doing?

he wanted Endcliffe but has been given Ranmoor - gap yah students get allocated first there must have been a run on Endcliffe. He hasn't accepted it yet, he's rung them to see if he can change but if not will accept, it looks lovely & is just across the road from Endcliffe. (Very expensive though...)

Ponders · 20/08/2011 17:10

GetOrf, I was like that when DC1 went (although to be fair she'd been living elsewhere during her gap year; but was still local). anyway I cried when we dropped her off! Perfectly normal IMO

ggirl · 20/08/2011 17:14

GetOrfMoiCarbsClaire I felt exactly like you when dd was 16. I am really surprised that I feel ok with it now. It helps that she is desperate to go and I have had practice with her being away travelling this yr for months at a time.
Don't worry I think you'll find it easier than you think. I used to cry when I thought about it.

ponders she's doing french and economics. Yes think gap yahs get allocated in july. Bloody expensive isn't it. But must admit I think the accomodation was a large part of dd's choice.

GetOrfMoiCarbsClaire · 20/08/2011 17:18

Oh that's good that it is not just me, crying when she isn't leaving for years. That is reassuring that it will get better.

i think it may be because dd is an only child, so it will be a shock that I won't know how to behave without having to be a mother first and foremost, if that makes sense.

Betelguese · 20/08/2011 17:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumof3teens · 20/08/2011 19:01

Third time for us - doesn't seem to get much easier and will really have an empty nest in September :( DS3 off to Sheffield. He is v excited, it is such a rollercoaster - nail biting wait for A level results then elation at how well he had done. Has signed up to the uni Facebook site and got his halls sorted. Just had a beautiful bouquet of flowers delivered from DS1 for my birthday tomorrow - burst into tears! He graduated, moved out and started work last month, so v emotional year. DS2 back to uni in 2 weeks also :(

mumofsoontobelawstudent · 20/08/2011 19:54

I'm suddenly feeling very old. And very confused. My 'baby' is going off to uni but I also have much younger DC, youngest 2.5 Feels very very odd.

Lilymaid · 20/08/2011 20:02

When we dropped off DS1 at university for the first time DH said "I want to go to university again!" We could (just about) remember the feeling when it was the first day of our new life when we were 18. Now DS2 is at university and we are empty nesters we are quite happy in another new life (or perhaps it is just picking up life as it was BC).

Yellowstone · 20/08/2011 23:42

I like all these new departures in my DCs' lives. Am I a vile mother? Or lazy, with less to do when they're off? Or bored, so I like new things. I don't know, but it all seems natural, and exciting. I like it.

The terms are bloody short.

Ponders · 20/08/2011 23:51

I think that's down to crowd control, yellowstone

BecauseImWorthIt · 20/08/2011 23:54

GetOrf - this time last year DS1 was supposed to be going to university. I found myself wandering round Sainsbury's, really teary, thinking "I will only be shopping for 3 now".

He didn't go in the end, because he re-applied and is now going this year. He has been working locally since last November.

I can tell you that whilst I will no doubt have a few tears when we drop him off, he is definitely ready to go and I am very definitely ready for him to leave!

ggirl · 21/08/2011 00:01

BecauseImWorthIt yep i think the gap yah works wonders in preparing parents for their offsprings departure

Yellowstone · 21/08/2011 00:17

Yes Ponders you're right. Still, can't wait for October! (only five!).

mathanxiety · 21/08/2011 23:00

When you think about the alternative, and the prospect of a 30-something with a dead end job (if they're lucky) living in the converted garage, it makes it easier to see them off to what will hopefully be a bright future.

Yellowstone · 21/08/2011 23:18

Meant to say thanks for being so accomodating math :) It was late and I forgot.

Agree too. I tell mine to please make some effort now so that they aren't bored senseless in later life.

yoey · 21/08/2011 23:52

mumofsoontobelawstudent I'm in the same boat as you- I have a 19 year old who's about to go to uni and I'm unable to take him there as there's no room in the bloody car due to car seats! I have a 3 year old and a 3 month old. Also DS is refusing to allow his 2 baby sisters to cramp his style on his first day- understandable! I have had some experience of having to let him go as he went to USA for a gap year- I used to sit in his room and cry quite often in the first few weeks! I was a single parent with DS from when he was a baby until he was 9 and I think the love I feel for him as a result is somehow intense and fierce. It's so awful to let him go. But thanks OP for your reassurance.

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