Unreasonable Teacher.....

[Megmog2000]

Ive had a voicemail message from school today regarding DS2 who is 14 and in Year 9 regarding an incident during an english lesson. He is by no means an angel, but not a total waste of space. He is an intelligent lad when he puts his mind to it, but one subject (english) is his definate week area. He doesnt appear to enjoy the subject, but tries his best most of the time.

He has had the same teacher for the last couple of years, said teacher has never been particlarly complimentary about DS at parents evenings, to which I put down to DS not putting the effort in because he didnt enjoy it.

More recently, there have been several confrontations with this teacher, mainly as DS isnt doing his homework, classwork, messing about, which I suspect is because he has an issue with the teacher. Whilst I do not condone this behaviour and have spoken at length with DS about this, I can understand it to a certain extent.

Ive had many calls from his Year head, all relating to very minor and petty incidents during english lessons, something I would expect any decent teacher to handle as part of normal day to day teaching, I had a letter home about his "immature behaviour" (which incidentally was throwing a rubber at another child).

I had a voicemail message late this afternoon and need to call school tomorrow to find out a bit more, but I challenged DS about what happened in english today and he told me that his teacher said to him, in front of the whole class that "he was a failure, would end up in the bottom set with the SEN kids, would fail his exams and never make anything of himself". DS response was to mutter under his breath that the teacher was a bitch. He has said that the teacher didnt hear him but another child did and blabbed so DS finds himself in hot water.

Now, I only have one version of events, but on the surface of things, I am fuming that a teacher can even contemplate saying these things and humilate him infront of the entire class. This teacher appears to have had it in for DS for a long time and Im tired of it now. She was the only person at parents evening to only have negative comments without any sort of praise at all - not exactly condusive for a positive relationship.

So, the question I have - do I go into school, guns blazing and making a complaint about this teacher, or do I just accept that DS was in the wrong and let him accept the punishment (he was isolated from lessons since period 1 this morning).

My gut feeling is to make my feelings well and truely known, but I suspect the school will defent their staff. DS is due to move to the upper school in september so only has this next half term to go (he is away in paris on a school trip for one week, 3 days induction at the upper school and 2 days on other trips so not even a full half term!). I dont want to necessarily rock the boat either, my DD is in her first year there and has another 3 years to go!!

Thanks for reading - sorry for the waffle!!

[cinpin]

Not quite sure where the last paragraph is comming from. If I went to the supermarket and the person put the bread through a few times yes I would say she was a bad checkout girl. No of course I would not allow my DS to throw a rubber at them. Rubbers being chucked around the classroom even went on when I was at school.

Irksome once my son is working he will be sorting his own problems out.

[lecce]

Irksome once my son is working he will be sorting his own problems out.

But if someone has had their parents intervene every time something didn't go their way at school and has been encouraged not to take responsibility for their own actions but rather to put the blame on 'boring' and 'weak' teachers, why do you think they are magically going to develop a more mature attitude once they are at work?

School is not only about learning the academic subjucts but about learning other skills like independence, taking responsiblity for your actions, self-control etc. I'll say it again, some parents are doing their dc a real diservice by making excuses for their poor behaviour.

[cinpin]

I have not mentioned that the teacher involved with ny son was boring and weak. The school phoned me about this problem he did not come home telling me, then we all had a meeting on how to resolve the problem no arguing or blameing each other they put an independant third party in who said the teacher did seem to pick on my son he was put somewhere else problem sorted. If I had not gone to the meeting that would have been wrong.

I agree school and home is learning about independance and self control, thats why my son walked around asked for jobs in the holidays and weekends and is working every saturday with no problems. So I must be doing something right.

[loo]

megmog2000 I have to say it must be really hard for you (and your ds) but we all have to learn to cope with things we don't like at all and I can say this because I have had to stand back and accept the horrible things that happened from just one teacher clashing with my own (or vice versa some may say!). Grin and bear it would be my advice, as you say you have the lo having three more years in the school. On one hand, the teacher could be doing you and your ds a really big favour as they could easily ignore and not inform you and just not help in any way and then when older and harder to handle said ds could get worse unacceptable behaviour needs nipping in the bud as we all know otherwise it make things much harder later. Also it is a very short time for ds to go to the end so hopefully he wont experience this again or not very often. English is the pits for a lot of kids I know.

[lancashirewife]

Ive had many calls from his Year head, all relating to very minor and petty incidents during english lessons, something I would expect any decent teacher to handle as part of normal day to day teaching

Which sounds to me like you think teachers should put up with shit from 14 year olds who should know how to behave but can't be arsed! MANY calls!

there have been several confrontations with this teacher, mainly as DS isnt doing his homework, classwork, messing about but you say he's trying his best how do you know this? are you in the classroom too? I have done many many parents evenings where parents have been horrified to hear of their childs poor behavoiur or attitude, and those who have been stunned to hear how hardworking and polite thier child can be!

You also state other teachers have negative comments too (but include some praise). He's clearly no angel and you should be supporting the school and giving ds a kick up the bum, nevermind contemplating an 'all guns blazing' approach!

Sorry if i'm seeming harsh, but i think teachers get a lot of crap for what can be a tough job, and need more support from parents.....

[lancashirewife]

Also the title 'unreasonable teacher...'

not 'Is the teacher being unreasobable?' or 'is my son being a prat?'

[cinpin]

No the title is correct unreasonable teacher , because she was unreasonable.

[t0lk13n]

I think your son is unreasonable for misbehaving in class even if it is the one class. My day is spent wirth children like your son who have the message from home that I`m only a teacher and so I can disrespect you. Low level disruption is worse than a child telling you to eff off! As one starts many follow. I am not an unreasonable teacher nor am I a weak teacher but parents are bringing up their childene to challenge any authority and our schools are becoming battle grounds between teacher and pupils because of their parenting. I really feel for the people who will have to work with such children in future years. I have a son who comes home saying this and that and as a teacher I take what he says with a pinch of salt.
BTW I am not slagging off your parenting skills but bemoaning the lack of them in so many parents in Britain today.

[ilovesooty]

Well said t0lk13n

[t0lk13n]

My gripe with parents in general is thery all think as they went to school they know what is best and that we have an easy job. However many parents cant cope with their own children let alone 34+ in a class all wanting to talk, play with phones etc. Most teachers I know work their butts off night after night. I wish on times I worked in a supermarket and could leave my job at the store. However I have the best interest of my pupils at heart and work every night at home to ensure the level of education my son gets is what I give my pupils. I have often neglected my own son due to marking other peoples work. I wish there was a forum for other professions on times so I can give my pennys worth but teachers are seen as easy game and we are slagged off in the media and by society. I also get cross when we are expected to parent children when their own parents couldnt care less.

Phew I feel better for getting that off my chest!

[GnomeDePlume]

The OP complained that the teacher didnt have anything positive to say about her son yet at the same time admitted that he doesnt do homework, classwork and messes about in class.

Where exactly is the positive? Does he have particularly shiney shoes?

Students such as the OP's DS stop other students from learning. Their parents do them no favours by blaming the teacher for their offsprings behaviour.

[t0lk13n]

Sorry...they not thery...thou shalt proof read properly!

[ellisbell]

Op I am sure you have the message now that your son was childish and deserved the punishment they and you gave him. Also that teachers on this site will ignore any comments you make about your sons behaviour being unacceptable and having been punished if you dare to say anything that is not full of praise for his teacher.

Next time start your post with "this wonderful teacher is telling me about every single time my son misbehaves in class, aren't they great".

It sounds to me like yet another example of poor communication between school and parents. The school should have called you in long ago for a formal talk about your son's continuing low level disruption in class. You could have agreed a strategy to handle it that would include praise at school when he does well - every child has something to be positive about - as well as sanctions at home and school if he behaves badly. You don't mention him having been in detention, for example, or having being excluded from the lesson previously. The school have permitted it to go on and on without effective action.

You have allowed lots of calls about your son without taking any action to see the school, discuss what you are doing to handle bad behaviour and agree any further steps that might be taken. You say that you've spoken to him about it but not that you have done more than speak to him before this latest incident. My son would have had privileges removed for bad behaviour at school before it got to this stage.

[cinpin]

I think ellisbell you talk a lot of sense. Parents and teachers should work together. Not completely go against each other and be a lot more open minded.

[hangon]

Well I have been a teacher for many years. Some pupils are little sods, however I can usually manage to find something good about them and bring that out. Yes the respect has gone for teachers but also respect has gone for the pupils.

Yes I work long hours and hate parents evenings but alot of my friends are envoius of my lovely long holidays. I enjoy my job unlike most of the teachers on here.

[t0lk13n]

I never said I didnt enjoy my job. I love it or I wouldnt do it. Holidays are great and one day in the classroom is never the same. However, attitudes towards teachers have changed since I started teaching and it is often negative. We are not there to parent but to give them a good education. I would just like parents to parent and leave the teaching to us. I respect all my pupils even the ones who don`t respect me. Roll on July 21st so I can get a good rest and sort my house out.