cecily p - the reason I went was that my primary school (where we were actually as a class badly bullied by the class teacher) head recommended to my parents that I was put in for it - I didn't want to because it marked me out as different - other classmates called me a snob - which I clearly wasn't but anyway. I told them I didn't want to go but they didn't listen to me - just as they didn't listen about the bullying by the teacher. They are also very much in awe of authority and so just went along with what the school said!!
still feel - I think its easy to say there was no snobbishness when you were fee paying yourself - I would imagine that most of the fee payers would say that. If you were a free place girl then you would be acutely aware of it and i knwe who all the other free place girls were. That was in the mid/late 70s and I do think things improved over time /in the eighties.
I knew I would have been happier if Id gone the state grammar however Im not sure I would have moved away from hometown or gone to university (albeit later than usual) if Id gone there. As many of my ex classmates stayed put in our hometown even thouogh they must have had potential to go alot further. Our primary school was drawn from mainly working class/lower middle class. Even most of the bright girls ambitions was to get marrried and have kids.
I find it really very interesting and for those who say that class doesn't matter then I think the above proves it does. Im the first and only in my family to go to university.
With my own dcs I will let them decide (with a little guidance) which school they like best as they are the ones who have to go there and flourish not me!
However ds1 is at a good local state comprehensive which he doesn't like much but in the absence of any grammar schools in our area (inner London) there weasn't really a choice IYKWIM. He has every opportunity to do well and he could transfer to a different sixth form if he still felt the same. He's very bright and predicte A* (if he gets down to some work)
DS2 is different and would like to go private but I can't afford the fees. As I said previously if direct grant was still around he would have been an ideal candidate - again quite bright but more grounded.