yr7 DS- how can I help him improve this?

[VodkawithRosie]

DS has always had his head in the clouds a bit, I have never been able to ask him once, always the last one out, forgets to do things he does regularly etc.

It seems as if it needs someone to be really cross with him or deny him something (pocket money) before he pulls his socks up and does something about it. I generally feel as if I need to be over his shoulder all the time nagging him, or it doesn't get done, however if we have recently had a big set to about an issue he will suddenly magically remember to do everything he should do.

I know I'm not explaining this very well, so examples would be

He was told if he didn't remember to tuck his shirt in he would be put on uniform report, he didn't and so was put on report for a week. He remembered every day that week, so came off report and now 2 days later I have had a note from his tutor saying he will go back on report as it is now untucked again.

He has to underline his titles in his work. He doesn't do this until the teacher mentions it in her marking (they are taken in to be marked once a week or so) and then he underlines for a few days before he forgets again.

There are quite a few other 'little' things like this, which I always feel bad nagging him about as he is a very good boy in so many ways. He is quite mature, his marks are great, he got A for effort in all subjects other than RE and cookery, he is and has always been able to fairly easily do the work he is set across most of the subjects.

We have tried encouragement and praise, charts, bribery, grounding and pocket money stopped. It sometimes feels that the only thing that works is really throwing a wobbly at him which I hate doing, and anyway this generally is short lived and is wrong on so many levels including the fact that it is often something trivial, but horribly repetitive, he doesn't 'dot the i's and cross the t's' iyswim.

Am I making too much of these things? Is it normal for a 12 yo just to be lazy about them? I do feel he makes the minimum effort required but this doesn't reflect in his mid-year report.

If I'm not then how do I tackle this?

Hurrah! A break for us them from all the tiresome remembering.

Acanthus, you have managed to imply we are all crap and to blame for vague DS as we have not applied consequences, not sure if that was your intention.

I have another DS and a DD, they have all been treated the same and yet DD is already better at remembering than her older brother. Younger DS is a bit better too.

I have applied consequences for DS1, have only been weak as far as running things he has forgotten in to school as I didn't want him to be in trouble during his first year and (being forgetful myself) understand how heartstopping it is when you realise you've mislaid something important at the last minute. I suppose I feel do to blame in a way, albeit you know, genetically!

Anyway, drivelling on, glad your DS is made of sterner stuff, I will remember to hold DS and not DS future wife fully responsible when my floopiness comes back to bite me in the shape of no Mother's Day card. He usually makes me a lovely one, I'll keep them and get one out every year on a rotation system.

If I can remember where I've put them.....

It's not just boys; my dd is just like this too. She's 11 and I thought it was to do with all the new stuff they have to contend with when they move up to secondary. They've had two terms and none of her friends are so disorganised; she's just getting worse. DH says it's because I'm too soft on her as I run around trying to find her shoes/books/pencil case etc in the mornings, or buy new stuff that's been lost.

Yesterday, she discovered that she'd lost 15 quid - it had been on the kitchen table for a week and I told her I'd put it on the stairs (along with everything else of hers that just lying around). She wanted the dosh and it had gone. We can only conclude that one of her 'friends' has nicked it. Don't know whether to replace it and hope she's learnt a lesson () or leave her in penury as dh advocates.

VodkaI am looking forward to a break from all the nagging too. I seem to be on constant alert for lost pe kit and other stuff like mouthguards bus tickets. I keep a list of homework deadlines and nag nag nag until it's done and handed in. The teachers say my two are a pleasure to teach - no wonder, I'm doing all the work for them! (the teachers I mean) Can honestly say that in seven years of secondary school I only ever lost anything once and that was because they had rearranged all the desks for an exam and I couldn't find my desk!
It's easy to say stop fussing over details but it's the details that get the top marks in the end. We can all just shrug and let them go their own sweet way but where will they end up? And by the way my two are both girls so it's nothing to do with being a boy. Good rest over Easter may help us to try again with a fresh lot of stuff next term.