Private school uniform problem.....

[Karen1004]

My DD is now 13 and at a good private school which she has loved up to now, but recently she is rebelling about her uniform saying it is too childish. I know the school is traditional and has a uniform to suit. For the summer term apart from year 11 most wear a summer dress though a few do stay in a skirt, and on some special occasions a boater is still compulsory. At the moment DD is saying she won't wear a dress or the hat no matter what I or the school says as other schools nearby don;t have dresses or hats. I happen to think the she and all the girls do look so smart in their dresses and boaters and have told her she will wear what I tell her to.

Any ideas on how I can persuade DD to my way of thinking?
And does anyone else have similar problems? Or is my DD right by saying girls her age don't now wear summer dresses and boaters? Any advice welcome, and if I can show her she isn't alone that might help too....

You can tell her that most state secondaries don't have a summer uniform - they just wear shirt, tie, skirt and blazer all year. Not allowed to take off blazer unless they ask teacher first. You said some stay in skirts. Why can't she do that?

I would tell her that schools have rules and in order to stay at school, she must follow the rules. Otherwise she can leave the school (and her friends). If she feels strongly, she could write to the school with her argument for removing the boaters/making the dress more flexible - she needs to realise that rules are there and if you don't like them, you can try to get them changed rather than just disregarding them.

I hate school summer dresses for any age and think there are far more modern and practical options and boaters are simply crap - BUT - I would still respect the rules.

Will the teachers not deal with it? Can she not be put into detention/other punishment?

Yes they are allowed to stay in skirts, but I know from previous summers nearly all wear dresses, and they really are expected too, and they do look smart as well as the dresses being practical when warm. She still will have to wear her boater no matter dress or skirt. Mind you I don't think she is alone in not liking her boater, but the school can be strict on them at times.....

Why on earth do these schools persist with uniforms designed decades ago? No wonder they feel stupid - she isn't expected to go home on public transport wearing a boater, is she?

Get a grip of the situation and don't be pathetic. She attends a school you are paying through the nose for and you want advice as to how to persuade her to wear her uniform. Seriously? Do not even discuss it. Buy the uniform and she wears it. If she won't, simply sit her out. She stays at home and you phone the school in front of her and explain why she will not be coming in. Every school child has to wear a uniform if that is what is expected in their chosen school. If she is really such a boho rebel then maybe she is in the wrong school. She sounds very spoilt to me.

Believe me I have told the rules have to be adhered too, and I'm sure as the school and some of the teachers can be strict they will punish her someway if she doesn't conform, and I wouldn't be happy either...

A good idea though to tell her to write a letter, I'll tell that to her, but as you say the rules have to be respected and after all she is still just 13, and just last summer she always wore her dress and boater quite happily.

You are right as I don't think the uniform has changed for years, but most parents seem to like it. And oh yes when they wear their boaters, they do have to wear them home, whether walking, by car, bus or train.

At least she's not made to wear some historic Victorian uniform like a certain school still does. The only consolation now is that they have done away with the ridiculous top hat. A boater would be a summer breeze!

peteneras, I assume you are talking about Eton? My experience is that the boys there would prefer to have no uniform but, if they've got to wear one, they'd rather wear the trad one. It is at least distinctive and they are amused that it winds people up.

Just leave her to it, it's the school's problem. I tend to say things like, "Yes, I know those tights are black but they have skull patterns on, which you know perfectly well is not what the uniform regulations mean. Now if you want to go into school and have a long chat with Mrs Scary Head of KS4 about it, then go ahead, otherwise you might want to consider changing into something less controversial."

My 15yo dd has spent much of the past year trying to pass off Dr Martens 8-hole boots as school shoes, with very limited success. I think it shows a commendable willingness to persevere in the face of overwhelming odds, tbh. Character-building, you might say. That's what uniform regulations are for, to give the kids something harmless to fight against. Much better for them to get their rebellion-fix by rolling their skirt up 3 inches than by rolling joints, for example.

It's not just a private school thing, btw. Round here the good state schools tend to have much more draconian uniform regs than the private schools -- there's a girls comp near us that makes the girls wear knee-length kilts with white knee socks, right up to GCSE. [snurk] Boaters are a bit ott though, it's like hanging out a sign saying, 'I'm posh, please come and beat me up'. Which I think is why the London private schools tend to have quite low-key uniforms at secondary level.

Back off, don;t say another word and let the school deal with it. That's one of the things you are paying for.

In my opinion it's stupid to make teenagers wear ridiculous things like boaters, and certainly my dd would have rebelled against a summer dress at 13. Her school used to have them, but got rid of them about 10 years ago because the girls hated them so much.

What IS this thing about making teenage girlswear things they feel unhappy in? Isn;t it bad enough to be going through the "oh God I'm so ugly" phase without having to do it in a ghastly dress and boater?

It's the rules, it's a uniform. You have made the situation clear, leave the subject and let her accept the consequences.

Pilots, lollypop ladies, police, travel agents...all have to wear specific uniforms because these are the rules.

And judge/barristers with wigs???

And I don'tknow a single teeage girl who would be happy with the idea of being told she "looks smart in her dress and boater"

"Looks smart" Really? You think this will make her like the uniform any better???

If we turned up at school not wearing the proper uniform we were sent home, a state school. I think it is for parents to ensure their children are dressed appropriately, not the school. I'm surprised you have a choice. At ds's school there is a summer uniform that must be worn, no exceptions and no choice.

I think uniform's a good idea - I didn't, but I do now. But it needs to be neutral. Dd has a black skirt or trousers, a v necked cotton jumper, and a white open necked shirt until year 9, then any colour they want from year 10. Very small logo on jumper. Comfortable, neutral, inoffensive.

Why anyone would want anything more extreme leaves me completley baffled.

I'd say let the school deal with it, giving her full warning of the consequences. You need to reserve your being strict for the things that really matter. With teenagers, its best to pick your fights carefully.

I'm not against uniform, but Blytonesque uniform policies really puts me off private schools. Why do so many of them persist in the illusion of a laughable between-the-wars fantasy? I'm baffled - is it to pander to parents' nostalgia or somesuch?

No point sending your child to private school unless everyone can tell by looking........

Very much op school exists, only in ops fantasy