Gender challenged pupils

[tiredmum7]

My DS is now 11 and already thinking of the move up to secondary. His will be different to most children who all worry over this step, but his problem is that he is confirmed as transgendered which he thinks could be h* in that environment. His behaviors include getting very emotional, always hanging with girls in the playground, never playing 'boys' sports, doing PE with the girls (with schools permission) and very girly interests and conversations. He even gets away with wearing the girls uniform (poloshirt and skirt) though that may have to change at secondary. In his favour he is very bright and good academically.

It is obviously easier for a smaller primary school (200-300) to accomodate such people and help understanding with pupils and parents, and we are grateful his school have tried hard to help him fit in. Secondary sounds totally different with peer pressure and gang mentality, and of course a much larger environment. He could be an easy target for the bullies.

Does anyone have experience of this, or know of similar children? It would be reassuring.

Not much help, but there was an article on this in the TES last year. You do need to talk to the secondary school and see how they will deal with it.

To be honest my DCs school doesn't have much gang mentality, but someone who is different could find the first year tough. After that they can usually find a group to be with, but it is also a very big school (which helps oddly enough).

But the best suggestion is to talk to the school, preferably at least some of the time also with your son, so he can decide what he is going to do, and what teachers can do to help him.

Good luck!

No personal experience but there is a girl in yr below dd , so she is in yr 13 now and has always been a 'boy'
I guess it's easier that way round clothes wise.
She wears boys uniform , always has throughout school.

Not sure of bullying as don't know her well enough. DD and co seem to accept as she's been like that since they've started school.

Forgive my ignorance, I have very little knowledge of what it means to be transgendered but I wanted to share DD's experience at primary

I have a tomboy, she loves hanging out with the boys and playing football with me. She finds it hard to relate to girls and can't cope with their bitchiness and falling out, she's always been able to get on with boys much easier.

I don't know if it makes a difference that both her nursery and school classes have been mostly boys.

The problem she is having now is that everyone is changing. It's not cool for boys to hang out with girls, and it's not 'done' for girls to play with boys. Girls were getting more into make-up and things which DD resisted for a while but then the boys acted differently so she has decided to try to fit in with the girls.

Funnily enough, she sees this as being short term and thinks (hopes) she can be herself when she gets to high school next year where there will be more people. I guess there will be a greater diversity at high school that might make it easier to blend in and easier to find others that they have something in common with

There is a very feminine boy in DD's school but he has so much confidence I don't think any one need worry. I think if your son is happy and comfortable with who he is, and he's obviously got a lot of support at home, then he will be ok

Chat to the school before he goes though so you all know what to expect

playing football with them - not me, although she plays with me too lol

Thanks for replies. There is definitely less stigma being a tomboy than a boy who wants to be a girl, both behaviour and clothes wise, not to dismiss those problems either. He will probably wear trousers at least until he is settled in, and go under the radar in other ways. Will talk to school and see what they say.

He can still be a girl outside school with existing female friends.

mmsmum - does this feminine boy go as far as wearing girly clothes ie skirts, tights, pinks? This not the only issue but is obviously one of them, albeit it is easier nowadays to dress as if either sex.

You definitely need to have a conversation with the new secondary school's SENCO and whoever will be head of Y7, to flag up the issues sooner rather than later so that a plan can be in place by the time your DS starts. If he's used to doing PE with the girls, there'd be issues around changing rooms. Which toilets would he use?

Hanging around with girls wouldn't necessarily make him a target, he needs to be confident and unapologetic about who he is. Different curriculum/uniform arrangements might cause dissent though, so best avoided if possible.

It's a sensitive issue which needs careful handling, and I imagine, awareness training for the secondary staff who probably won't have come across it before.

tiredmum7 I haven't noticed, but to be honest he could walk past me in a pink tutu and I probably wouldn't notice but I'll ask DD. He does take part in all the school plays and is the only boy to play a female part, although I know this is different.

All very helpful. We always knew talking to the school was going to be important, whenever we get the chance. We just wondered if anyone experienced anything similar or knows of said pepople. Thanks mmsmum especially, will be interested what DD tells you. Staying with existing friends sounds a good suggestion as well. We often wonder if we are doing him any favours allowing him to believe he is a girl, but he is convinced of his/her identity.