Should I send my DD to an academic school when she is 'average' ?

[crunched]

I was all set to send my DD3 to the school her brother attends which I believe to be a solid, happy place, when I recieved a call saying she has won a place at the local single-sex, academic,high school. The high school told us she 'snuck' in from the waiting list, on which she was in 15th position.
DD3 is delighted as my eldest daughter went to this school and she has always wanted to follow her.DD1 is more switched on academicaly, she loved the school and did well, but as the girls are so different, I don't want to go on DD1 experiences. I'm not saying DD3 is in any way lacking, she is articulate and creative, just pretty average at the 'three Rs'.
I would really appreciate advice if you or your DD/DS went to a school where they started at the lower ability end. Did it pull up your levels or did it demoralise you?
She is quite keen on sports and music and I don't want these interests to dissolve because she is constantly stressful about keeping up with the others. Equally, I don't want to give her the message I don't believe she can suceed anywhere if she sets her mind to it.

If you have told DD3 she has got the place and she is keen to go then you can't really pull the plug now. Monitor it and she can move if unhappy - places always come up and kids move around so much more that you are soon no longer the new girl.

If she wants to go and you don't send her she may be resentful later.

Not sure if relevant but some kids are slower to reach their potential, so may be too early to judge.

From my own experience, I failed the exam to a highly selective school quite spectacularly at 6, "snuck in" via waiting list to another v. academic school at 8, at 11 I got in at the bottom end of the intake at the school where i'd previously failed, and ended up thriving there from around 14 and somehow made it into Oxford. I'm not saying this is necessarily similar for other DC - just that it may be too early to tell, and if she likes the idea of this school, why not give it a try?

My DS who was at top end of his state primary also got into a highly academic selective school at 11 but we later found out that he had been at the bottom end of the range of those who were offered places. At the end of Y7 he won a prize for the greatest improvement academically as he had improved more than any other child on his academic performance in the entrance exam. So you just cannot predict how things will go!

Hello Crunched, are you in the watford/herts area ? The academic school sounds very much like our local grammar (by name only, actually a partially selective comprehensive).

If I were in your position, I would probably let dd3 go to the academic school if that is what she really wants. She had to reach a certain level to be on waiting list (well done to her) so good for her for knowing what she wants.

Professional hat on. If you like a school, and your children do, then you should always apply as you would be very surprised how adolescents change over the years, and how much regrouping happens in terms of academic attainment. Also schools spend a lot of time talking up their standards and the view behind the scenes can be very different. You can always review your daughter's happiness and attainment in a couple of years and decide whether to move her for GCSEs. Not enough people consider this as an option, IMO.

I have a friend who's DS1 aced the grammar school exams and who's DS2 was desperate to follow. He hasn't got in, and is devasted, but would jump at the chance of still getting him in, even if it was a last minute 'snuck in' offer. I really think the crux of this is to see if your DD3 is really keen to go for her own reasons. As a third child myself, I did feel that less was expected of me and whilst that can be useful, I think we can also end up being a little overlooked....

Everyone has different experiences and the worst bit about parenting is that we often don't know until after the event, if our choices were right.You can only make a decision based on what you know now...... oh that hindsight were available in a BOGOF from Sainsburys......

As me mother used to say

Aim at the stars and you might just hit the gooseberry bush, aim at the gooseberry bush and you could end up in the muck

And there's a more poetic version

Aim for the moon, that way, even if you miss you'll still be amongst the stars. W. Clement Stone

I do think we fuss too much about kids' ability. It's more important at school that they are prepared to give it a go and take advice from teachers, do the homework and occasionally pull something more creative and innovative out the bag. I wish schools would stop chasing Oxbridge entrance and A Level success as if they were some kind of end in themselves. It's so much more important to mature as an individual, develop a work ethic, and learn to pursue an intellectual life of your own. If more pupils did all this, our country would be a much happier, prosperous place.

Dommy, they also say "Where there's muck, there's brass".

"I do think we fuss too much about kids' ability. It's more important at school that they are prepared to give it a go and take advice from teachers, do the homework and occasionally pull something more creative and innovative out the bag. I wish schools would stop chasing Oxbridge entrance and A Level success as if they were some kind of end in themselves. It's so much more important to mature as an individual, develop a work ethic, and learn to pursue an intellectual life of your own. If more pupils did all this, our country would be a much happier, prosperous place".

Brilliant post

Also, Crunched, the admissions person at the more academic school might just have made an unfortunate choice of words with "snuck in". She may have meant to be amusing rather than seeming like she was doing you a favour.

We all have those foot in mouth moments sometimes (well, I do!)

You may be interested to know that I am the admissions person at a very academic school, and this year the difference between the last kid getting an offer on 1st March, and the current number 16 on our waiting list is 4 marks. So if no. 16 does get a place, I'd hardly call it scraping in!

Cheers everyone. The form has gone in and DD3 is over the moon and really up for the challenge. Hope the enthusiasm and cheer carry on for ages.

I'm in Warwickshire MrsMbuble, but guess these issues are pretty UK wide.

Love the 'gooseberry bush' quote Dommy! Boffinmum and all- I will carry your wise words with me for a long time.

Check back in, maybe, 10 years, and I'll let you all know how it went!

If she passed the tests and got in based on her performance then I think you shouldn't worry about her struggling. Definitely they develop at different ages as exoticfruits says and this could be a wonderful opportunity to nurture her academically - especially a good sign if your DD1 loved it there. It sounds like the option she really wants so why not go for it because her own motivation will take her a long way too!

Also don't forget 'snuck in' may sound like she's at the bottom of the list, but you don't know how many others will have only achieved a few points more than her and be at the same level, AND she had to beat lots and lots of others below that who didn't get in at all!

It'd be awful if you sent her elsewhere and found she was ahead of the crowd and not stimulated or challenged academically...

School entry tests are not a good indicator of how kids will perform once at secondary school, they are just specific tests of how well they can do certain things on the day.

There is still a wide range of abilities at selective schools. Someone has to be bumping along the bottom.

It all depends on how your DD learns. Does she get pulled up by cleverer kids, or does she need to be at the top for her own self esteem?

There is no right answer.