If your child has done state primary followed by private secondary...

[Madsometimes]

Has it worked well?

How long did it take for your child to settle in? Do they miss their old friends, or feel sad that they have been separated from them? Can they keep up with the prep school children, academically and socially?

How did you adjust to paying fees?

My dd has been accepted for a private school, and I am dithering about whether it is best to go for it, or for the very good comprehensive she has been allocated. Many of her lovely friends are going to the comprehensive. Both schools are great, and dd and dh prefer the private school. I prefer the state school apart from its lack of 6th form. Dd is bright but not exceptional, she has trouble with spelling, and is not at all sophisticated.

Dh is going to do a SWOT analysis this evening

Ds 3 moved last year for year 7. He has taken a while to settle but in the last few weeks I have seen a big change. I think any school whether it was private or state will take time to settle into. Socially he has been happy since day 1. The boys from the prep school have been lovely and the school worked hard to ensure they all integrated. DS has now an established friendship group with a mixture of prep boys and others. I think there was a lot of movement in year 7 and many of the children came on their own from other schools.

Academically there is a difference and we are still working on this. There is an expectation of them to achieve but in all fairness he is capable and now he understands the work ethic the gap is closing. Socially he did not have the confidence that appears to have been instilled in the prep boys but again I can see him changing and gaining confidence. He still keeps in touch with some of his old school friends but if he had gone with them There was no guarantee the would have all been together. I think new friendship groups are usually formed in year 7.

With regard to paying fees I'm not sure you ever get used to this but can acknowledge the benefits and certainly do not regret having to pay them. It's good to have a build up of fees in advance.

In my opinion and it is only my opinion no doubt many will disagree a child who is bright but not exceptional will thrive in a non selective private school. We are about to go through it again with DS4.

My dd is in her 3rd year at private secondary school. She went there from state primary. At first she was very excited about going, making new friends, & starting at this fabulous school. She did alredy know a handful of girls who went there (it is a 3-18 school) but was leaving all of her primary school friends behind. It finally hit her about a few days before she was due to start. When I asked her who she would miss - it was the girl who lived next door! I told her that was a little bit silly as she would see her very often and dd agreed. I explained that even if she had gone to the same school as most of her friends there would be no guarantee of being in the same class as any of them and there would be lots of new faces as well. She still keeps in contact with many of her primary school friends via msn & facebook and meets up occasionally.

The first few days at her new school were a bit stressful, but the school were very helpful, she was assigned a buddy, as were the other new girls. After a few days I got a phone call from her form teacher (a bit of a shock at first!) asking how she was settling in etc. This is when I knew we had made the right decision about the school, they actually cared about the child! DD made a few very good friends in the first few weeks, she is quite a quiet girl but also very friendly when the ice is broken IYSWIM.

She hasn't looked back to be honest, she loves her school (fell in love with on the visit) and is trying to make the most of the opportunity. She finds the pressure of the academics a lot harder. She coasted through primary school and was in the top group for everything. Her school is selective and gets very good exam results. She is now middle ability for her year and has to work hard. not a bad thing if you ask me. I just want her to achieve her potential and do her best, which hopefully this school will encorage her to do.

Financially, we manage (just) because I decided that in order to pay the fees I would need to go full time at work, so the extra ££ i make goes to school fees. We are lucky because I have a close family and my sister (good job, no kids) volunteered to pay for all of dd uniform, my mum paid for her books for the first year, and last year when dd wanted to go on the trip to Germany my dad volunteered to pay.

We think we have made the right decision and dd loves it. However our alternative crappy state secondary school for us was never an option.

My DS went from state primary to private grammar last September, against his will, it was my idea as he was not being stretched in the local state system and had started to sabotage his results and dumb down for acceptance by the slightly thuggier ones who were keen to start calling him names such as "nerd" "geek" etc. He went off pale and terrified to catch his new bus, then returned laughing, chatty and happy at the end of the day. He has been fulsome in his thanks to me for, as he put it, making him go. He has done very well academically, is proud of his A grades now, and has made lots of new friends. I had a very good vibe from the school at Open Day, and DS has told me that he feels as if he belongs there. Fees are huge and our financial situation is not good. We have enough to fund him for 3 years, and hope our situation will improve by then. We felt it was a need rather than a choice. It's lovely to see him happy again.

im very new here, though been posting all over the place, so hello to everyone.

lizzielawson, what a lovely outcome!
lateseptember1964, particularly interested in your post as our ds is just about to transfer to yr6 from state to private school. Can you share what type of sec schools he is going for (are any of them "public" e.g eton, rugby etc at all), as im trying to get an idea of what how quickly dc might catch up academically to apply these schools.

hm, got to follow this thread as just done the same to ds (weel it's him who is keen, it's mee with the worries..)

My children have both moved from state to private for year 6, to allow a year (or three, in the case of my son) to acclimatise.

Academically they have both coped well. The only things we found a gap in were French and some team games, such as hockey and very competitive netball (as opposed to just once or twice a term).

IF they're bright they adjust quickly and relish the work. As far as pastoral care is concerned I've found some of the private schools better than others. To my surprise my son's very big, very academically selective, very bustling traditional boys' public school has been extremely hot on sorting out problems.

I'm interested too changejustforyou we've just done the same for my DS. He's really keen and I keep changing my mind whether we've made the right decision. DS and DH are both confident in the decision so we'll see how it goes!

this is not answering your basic question, OP, as my kids went to state secondaries; but I just wanted to mention that friendship groups change a lot in Y7, so although it's nice for a child to have familiar faces around when they first start at a new school, they usually make new friends very quickly & often drift away from some of the ones from primary - so going to a totally new school shouldn't be too scary.

The same thing happens in Y12 too (unless it's a 6th form that doesn't admit people from outside of course) although I realise it's a bit early for you to be thinking about that!

Good luck with the SWOT analysis (that is such a man thing to do )

The change between state and primary is HUGE, regardless of sector. I think all your questions would apply to moving from any primary to any secondary which wasn't the one that most of the class were going to.

But if the schools are comparable, why not save the money and do other fun stuff with it?

The decision has been made, and dd1 is going to the private school. We turned the state school down in good time, so hopefully another child has been pleased with getting a waiting list place.

There is no going back now, and although the choice was not one that I would have made on my own, I am fully supportive of dd's new school. It is around the corner, and a local school is important for me. I'm sure that she will make friends quickly and have a wonderful time.

Lots of children from my DCs primary school go on to Private schools, some of them on their own, or part of a small group (3?) some part of a bigger group 7+, the school also feeds into 3 main state schools, and a few go to other state schools.

From my experience they all settle in as well as can be expected. They do keep up with special friends even if at other schools, but other friendships drift even if at the same school. If it is where your DC wants to go I'm sre she will do well. Good luck!

I see you've made your choice but DS1 went to state primary and then onto private secondary last September. He settled in absolutely fine, has made a new bunch of friends and, judging by his report, has not struggled academically. He appears unaware where his new friends went to primary school and thus unaware whether they were state or private (which I am delighted about)

He hasn't missed his old friends - they scattered anyway. He doesn't mention theem (which I do find a little sad!)

My ds3 currently attends the local non-selective private school and as I said in my previous post we will go through it again with ds4 this September. We are now seven months in and one parents evening down. I honestly cannot believe how well he is achieving and how suddently it all fell into place by late February. Although in fairness I think any school move needs a period of transition. For my son personally opting for private education has been a good move and I have a happy year 7 who is engaged and looks forward to the school day. With regards to academic catch up I have been to one parents evening and he is definately on par with his peers from the prep. Incidentally the teachers were happy to answer that question so I suspect they are asked it quite frequently. I think in the early days there was a lot of catch up at home and so the academic difference was never that noticeable to the teacher and for the first five months his homework was my homework. Since February though he now organises and sorts his own homework as he appears to have grasped the work ethic and the expectation. When he first went he was insistent that he wanted to move to the school all his friends were at. My husband asked him only the other day if he would like to move and it was a definite no. He has a strong group of friends but if you ask him did they go to the prep he honestly has no idea.
I know that some of them did go to the prep and equally they have moved away from the prep school friends they came with into new friendship groups. Year 7 is a year of transition but as we are nearing the end I know we made the right choice and I know that he is happy.

I've only just noticed that the OP was a month ago!

I'm sure your DD will love it, Mad

Quite a few girls from state school joined DD's secondary (she was new too, though from prep) and they all seemto be thriving. I think they found the longer day tiring at first and had to do some catch up in French and Latin, but nothing too taxing.

Only one girl has failed to settle. She is finding the expectation sin terms of achievement and behaviour difficult.
She has already been in huge trouble for calling my DD a 'geek' and a 'nerd' and has been placed in detention for poor homework.
I've met her Mum, who is lovely, and is at a loss to know what to do.

Both kids went to state primaries and had choice at 11/12 of local Scottish comp or nearest private school.
Son who has dyslexia and a bit geeky chose private school, although ex and I probably encouraged him in this as we thought he'd benefit from smaller classes as is bright but slow at working.
Daughter chose local comp as friends going there.
Both happy and doing well.
We knew the level of fees before sending them there.
My son still keeps in touch with 2 or 3 of his old friends 3 years down the line, as handy to go out to play with and doesn't get too upset if they choose not to see him but see other kids from same school.
Now older he does sleepovers and spends weekend days with kids from current school as able to get a bus to them.
Academically keeping up isn't that hard. It's not a particularly posh private school so not a big social difference, plus in Scotland few parents send their kids to private primary school compared to England, although some send them there for the last year to give them an edge on the entrance exam.
Entrance is supposedly all on entrance exam anyway, and WH Smith sends pack with similar tests and answers that we used for the kids.
My stepdaughter who is older than my 2 is at different state school and now doing her standard grades is very aware that when it comes to uni admission she will be given preference over private school kid with same grades.
She's doing fine as well although has tutor for a couple of subjects.

'My stepdaughter who is older than my 2 is at different state school and now doing her standard grades is very aware that when it comes to uni admission she will be given preference over private school kid with same grades.
She's doing fine as well although has tutor for a couple of subjects.'

Why does she get preference for going to state school when she's been tutored? Not having a go at you, btw!

I presume if they had to ask students if they were tutored and discriminate against those who were students would lie.
It's no different to parents buying an expensive house near a state school with good results.
There are many ways to spend money to try and optimise a child's education.