Should a 10 year old be allowed to choose?

[dalek]

My dd has a place at a selective independent school for year 7. She is already at the Junior School. She is quite happy there.

However she would prefer to go to one of the state schools in our area - due to catchment it is very unlikely we will get it. If by some miracle we do get the school of her choice do you think she should be allowed to make the decision?

She is only 10. I have tried to establish what it is she likes about this particular school but she says she just likes it better.

We as her parents should make the decision shouldn't we?

I have to go out now but will be back later to look at replies. Please let me know what you think.

TIA

Dalek

I think you must take children's views into consideration. I have a friend whose ds was vehemently against private ed. on elitist grounds and she felt it would be wrong to send him for that reason (shough she herself had no problems with it and her other children went private) - I think I agree with that one. With my own ds there were 2 schools each good but with different strengths - we felt one would suit him better and he felt the other and after much deliberation we went with his choice (which in the end turned out to be the right one thank goodness).

If a child is wanting a school and can't really give good reasons (or even any reasons) why though, then I would attach less importance to their opinions.

Not an Ind vs State school debate, however we have 2 very good schools in our town and my DDs would have got into either of them as one is single sex and the other mixed, plus we live between the two.
My DDs are 2 school years apart, we visited both schools together, plus another on the other side of town for comparison we the discussed all the pros and cons of each on. Then the girls both came to their own choice independently including their reasons. They both choice the same school and are very happy there. We would have supported them with their choice.

It is a joint decision imo.. No parents to not always know best and I have seen many people whom still resent their parents for picking the school they were unhappy in.

My oldest was allowed to pick She preferred one school I prefeered another. Her main reason was that she had felt the other school was to large and confusing. (personally I felt that it was the other way around but it isnt my brain that has to walk around the building) the schools where of equal repuration and Offstead reports so it was down to gut instinct.

I did not take her to see the school near by that is failing so I limited her choices but once I had done that I had to trust her to pick what was the right school FOR HER.

She is now in year 8 she LOVES it my niece now lives with us and is also in the school and additionally loves it.

dd2 has just been allocated her 2ndary school (starts in Sep) she floored me by announcing she did not want to go to the school dd1 and dn are in. I had to do for her what I had doen for her sister and she was permitted to pick the right school for her. the school she has chosen is rich with music and creativity and I know dd2 will thrive there.. by pure chance this school also has a strong SENCO department something dd2 will need as she is dyslexic..

for me to have said to dd2 "you will go to the school dd1 and dn goes to" It would have devastated her. she needed to be allowed to be listend to and she needed to be a part of making a decision that will form part of her next many years.

You can limit the choices but ultimatly they need to feel that they are comfortable and that they are happy with the choices.

The ironic thing is we know now that even with sibling criteria dd2 would have had a slim chance of getting into the school dd1 is in (it is horridly oversubscribed this year one child living 1 mile from us with 2 siblings in the school didn't get in) Had we applied we would not have got into the school dd2 has now been allocated and we would have had issues.

I am a firm believer in allowing the ids choice you can limit their choices but ultimatly this is about what feels good for them.

Hello, no, I dont think she should be allowed to choose.

My ds failed the 11+ and wanted to go to the local special measures secondary. We let him look at that and a local fee paying school, hoping he'd decide the fee paying one (big difference, lush grounds, lovely building vs grotty building, no field, barbed wire...) was nicer

I let him think it was his decision until he chose special measures shit school. Then I told him we were doing what we thought best and sending him to the fee paying school. He now (2 years later) agrees we made the right choice...