I want to pull my daughter out of secondary

[El24]

Hi there,

My daughter is currently in Year 8 at a state secondary, but since she started she's been having issues with bullying and generally not fitting in.

She came from a lovely small state primary and academically and personally she thrived. When she started secondary, she really struggled to fit in and her behaviour began to deteriorate rapidly. Also she was having a few issues with girls who were bullying her for numerous things. Thankfully the situation calmed down a bit towards the end of the year and I put it down to settling in.

However, the situation has now reached breaking point where she has been punched, abused by girls in her year group, even up to the point where a girl tried to push her off a train on the way home from school.

I've complained to the school about these incidents, but not much seems to be happening. It doesn't help that the girls bullying are much smaller than my daughter. The school did ask to speak to some girls in connection with the recent incidents, but all that happened was the girls came out of the year head's office and started shouting that my daughter was a snitch/snake. This caused even further isolation for her.

My daughter is very good at putting on face and I know even though she says she's ok, she really isn't.

I've contacted other schools about a possible transfer, but all the good ones don't have any vacancies and won't have any in the near future. I would consider private, but not sure if my daughter is gifted enough to pass their entrance tests.

I live in Maida Vale and really stumped for a solution. would really appreciate any suggestions.

Thanks.

That sounds awful for your daughter. What level is she in English and Maths? Not all private schools are very academic - why don't you contact ones within travelling distance and ask?

You can definitely home educate while you consider your options, or until a place at a better school comes up.

You can take her out asap and home school her for a while, until another place comes up. It isn't worth keeping her there, it sounds awful!

If you post on the home ed board, you'll get loads of practical advice.

Hi, veryz sorry to hear about your troubles. Writing this in a hurry but I would call Francis Holland Clarence Gate, Channing, Queens, South Hampstead High, The Royal School Hampstead (in no particular order, these are all quite different schools, PM me if you would like a more detailed view). They may not have a place or not right away but at my daughter's school (one of the ones named above) several girls were taken into yr8 last Summer. There is always some movement due to people moving out of London. They say that there is some bullying at every school and it is more a matter of how the school deals with it but I have not so far been aware of any bullying at my DD's school. I would expect all the schools I mentioned to be quite sympathetic to your daughter's predicament and I am sure that they will try and help if they can.
Good luck - do give it a try!

We managed to get my son into a private school from year 7 at a local state school.
Background was that we had a term and a half of things slowly worsening to the extent that he dreaded going into school.

There were issues of bullying and (as we discovered) a policy of continually seating my son next to the class bully/troublemaker who we had expressly asked that he not be sat next to after previous incidents.

Moving him was the best thing we did as he loved the new school and thrived there.

I hope things work out for you and your daughter, some very sound advice here.

Have you spoken to the head of year about the in year fair access policy?

That's where the school she is at now helps find a place in another school, even though it may not have vacancies normally. I'm pretty sure one of the grounds for using this policy is for the emotional wellbeing of the pupil.

The in year fair access protocol would not be appropriate in these circumstances, this is when a pupil does not have a school place, which your daughter does. There is what is called a managed move which is more or less what Highnoon is suggesting, but it needs the agreement of both schools involved.

Whilst the state schools are saying that they are full there is nothing to stop you appealing for a place at the school. Go to the LA admission office and ask for the place, when they say the school is full ask for papers relating to an appeal for the school. You do have to realise that many appeals are based on supposed bullying, so you need as much evidence as possible that you and the school have been involved in dialogue over this and that it is getting worse.

Thanks for all the advice.

She's currently in the top set for Maths and English, but I know this is can be a bit of a falsity as she was also in the same sets in primary, but still unable pass the 11+.

I really wish I could afford to opt for the private sector, but again bursaries are only available in Year 7 and 12.

And home schooling isn't feasible as I am a lone parent and don't have the option of not working.

I have spoken to her year head and she is in the process of calling in parents, so that's a positive sign for this case. But this is not the first and most certainly won't be the last as bullying amongst the girls seems to be rife in that school.

If I had my choice I would send her to a grammar or indy solely based on my two-year experience with state comps. But without a "gifted" enough child that doesn't seem to be an option.

However, I will ring around commutable indies and see if they are able to help in any way.

You can appeal for the state schools close to you that are full. Your appeal would have a good argument, particularly if you have exhausted all other channels in the current school. Your local LEA should be able to give you some info on the appeals process - individual schools wont help you here as they obviously dont want to take an extra child. Butr if you win the appeal, they will give her a place in good grace.