Horror stories? It does imply a mythical quality. But at the risk of repeating myself to you, Readingman - we spent in total four years at The Abbey: two at The Junior School (excellent and faultless) and almost two at The Senior School. Therefore someone who has only 'heard' about The Abbey is really less qualified to comment.
I have never denied that for a certain type of child, The Abbey is fine. An alpha, mature and organised child will benefit. However - children with more lateral talents will suffer. My daughter has won prizes in short story and art competitions. She is bright, creative and funny. Yet The Abbey was extremely hard on the fact that she was disorganised - to the point of completely destroying her confidence. Disorganisation was equated with stupidity.
However - my big problem was a deeply personal one. The Abbey is NOT supportive if there is also anything but alpha parents at home. I have incurable lymphoma and I am often extremely ill. Stress does not help and The Abbey was deeply unpleasant at a time when I was having radiotherapy and chemo. To the point that they sent us a letter stating that 'DD should not be using her mother's illness as an excuse.'
I was sad, then angry. I complained to the school about such insensitivity and received an apology at such a badly worded and frankly horrible comment.
My daughter made some very good friends at the school, which she still keeps. There were certain aspects: IT was excellent. English teachers were all superb. Sports facilities not ideal. Some body and food issues amongst the girls, for whom perfection was expected.
My daughter recently made me cry when I asked her about her new school. 'I don't feel stupid any more,' she said. She is now doing extremely well after less than one term - back to being happy, getting good marks and being encouraged and listened to, rather than penalised by a black mark in a planner for forgetting her ruler. The Abbey is NOT good with child psychology or with individualism. It lacks sensitivity and there is little support for anyone struggling. That is how they maintain their high results.
Yes, I do tend to react if I see another child who is 'not mature for their age' who may be destined to The Abbey. I am a caring person - as you would see on many other of my postings. I like to help people. We have been through absolute hell, that has calmed so very much with an understanding school.
A school for me is about the academic but also about the ethos. The ethos of The Abbey is HARD. My daughter is not destined to be a businesswoman or a tough cookie. She will probably go into a creative industry, like her father. He is disorganised on the surface but achieves very well and runs a department of 30 people. There are more complex levels of intelligence and cleverness. Ironically, I would have flown at The Abbey - I found exams easy. But we must choose the school that suits our particular child and we did give it a try, hoping that this confidence trick would kick in. We still feel guilty that our daughter was damaged in a lot of ways - she now has quite poor self-esteem which is being rebuilt by some incredible teachers.
This is not a witch hunt. Mumsnet is incredibly useful for real opinions and experiences. I asked here about my daughter's new school and I listened to the comments. But ultimately, mothers go on their instincts.
Sorry long post but I do object to being told that I am full of horror stories.