homework

[debjud]

How do people deal with not doing homework? Year 10 daughter not always doing homework - am ruining my relationship with her - she sees me as siding with the school against her. She gets good grades (so doesn't see the point - especially maths) - she says I'm like the enemy .......

but she gets good grades?? So not a problem. Unless teachers saying she's underperforming. My son hates us 'interfering' but I'm fairly sure his 'study skills' involve too much music and facebook. Teachers are the best guide here. She'll probably do the work they set rather than listen to you - unfortunately. Keep in touch with school and privately ask teachers from time to time how she's doing, esp in subjects you're worried about. But don't ruin your relationship with her - hopefully she'll let you be more supportive when she gets to GCSEs next year?! Good luck

My daughter also hates us to 'interfere' but we do have an agreement that all homework has to be completed on time or priveleges are taken away -and we have a system of letting her get on with it herself but she agrees to then come and show us what she's done when she is finished- could you try that?

What Pixie said really....

By Year 10 I'd agree with Pixie - it's up to the school to set the homework and it's up to them what they do if it's not getting handed in. If they deal with it, then she doesn't need a second punishment (even nagging) from you. And if the school don't deal with it, then that's probably because it's not that important.

I never checked what my DS had done by that age, either quality or quantity.

I disagree completely.
Too many parents abdicate their responsibilities for supporting children with their education at this sort of age.
They are just children. There is no way they understand the importance of it. And if set up against distractions of friends, boyfriends, television, msn, facebook, PSP, alcohol, drugs ... whatever! Homework just will not get a look in. They are not old enough to self-motivate: very, very few pupils of this sort of age will complete home study completely independently without any interest/support shown by parents.

Many schools/teachers have great difficulties getting students to complete homework, through lack of parental support. But there is a strong correlation between highly motivated students who complete home study, and those that achieve highly in exams.

Agree with Roisin, though I doubt many will.

While not actually getting involved in homework I check books regularly and make sure they do homework.
I have a DS in Y10 and a DS in Y8 and both get good grades and have never been in trouble. I suspect things would have to slide badly before the school got round to letting me know about it and I'm not prepared to risk their education just to teach them a lesson in consequences.
I wouldn't want to wait until parents evening at the end of the school year to be told "he could do better".

I have a year 10 too.

I help her with planning - ever since year 7 she has had a rolling list of homework on the kitchen noticeboard with deadlines and an estimate of how long she thinks it'll take her. At the beginning of every term since year 9 I have asked her whether she wants to carry on doing this and she says that she does. It means that I can plan a bit too - it's good to know if we've got a heavy homework weekend coming!

And I make sure she knows I'm available - for example, she's studying the Middle East situation in History at the moment, and it helps her to have someone to bounce ideas off before she writes an essay, for example.

And I do find it very interesting - I'll be sad when she doesn't want to discuss homework with me. I'm enjoying reading her set books too!

I'm with Roisin too. As a secondary school teacher with a sixth form tutor group, I can tell you that very very few children develop the necessary independent study skills until they are well into Yr 12, and even then, many need to be shown and mentored before they fully get it.

To say "just stop interfering" when talking about a Yr 10 child, is, IMO, ridiculous. And really not helpful. If your DD is not doing homework, OP, it could be that she needs help with her organisational skills, or time management. Schools get nagged all the bloody time by parents about homework (I have lost count of the number of staff memos we've had reminding us to be consistent with homework) and I think it is perfectly fair to expect parents to "side with the school" and support us in ensuring that students complete it.

To say that a 14 year old is allowed to decide whether or not homework is important enough to complete is, IMO, harmful.

I don't micro-manage homework and they largely do it unsupported. But I do check their planners and exercise books daily, so I know what they have to do. And I prompt them with questions like: "You've got a lot of homework at the moment. What's your strategy tonight to make some serious inroads?"

They know that homework is non-negotiable, but I try and allow them to be independent and don't get too involved. ds1 has a dance evaluation homework to do tonight. It's not due in until Monday, but he has a very busy weekend ahead and he wants to go out to a club tomorrow evening. So he knows it has to be done today. He's prevaricating and arsing about this evening, but will eventually settle down and get the thing written.

And if he doesn't, he'll have to do it after school tomorrow if he wants to go out to his club.

I try to allow them to organise themselves but I will check each day what work they have and make sure they do some.
DS1 is better than he used to be but would be inclined to leave it to the last minute and then end up spending all day Sunday catching up. DS2 will mutter and grumble but generally gets it out of the way the day it is set.
I am finding revision a little more difficult. DS1 seems to have either a GCSE assessment or exam at regular intervals now and I think he could do with some tips on his revision technique.

My DS in Year 6 now organises own homework and I leave it to him. He sometimes does it when he is at school. It is better practice for secondary school when he will need to be organised or get detention. I do ask if he is any and he just says 'done it'. The teacher tells me he is doing well and I do see the work when it has been marked.

His teacher told me to just get on with it so it is only one person's opinion that it is ridiculous to leave them to do it.

Roisin is right. As parents it is our job to support the school on this. If the teacher sets the work then it is down right rude of my daughter not to do it regardless of how well she is doing or how irrelevant I think the work is!

Some children need much less homework supervision than others as they are more mature/independent but until that maturity comes it is our duty to nurture it - by encouraging and if necessary, enforcing, just like everything else.

Totally agree with Roisin. Mine is in year 7
I always ask him what homework he has. I like him to do most of it on the day it has been given unless it is a project or requires
further reading/ research. If that is the case, I get him to plan out how he is going to do it re time etc.

I encourage him to look at different sites
on the internet and we also get books from
the library for subjects like history. I have also bought revision/ reference books for subjects he finds a bit more difficult.

If he does things off his own bat, I praise him big time. Am hoping that he will have a good routine going by year nine and if not I shall continue to encourage him and privilages will be withdrawn if he decides to be stroppy. I think a teacher can only do so much for a class of 30+ and as parents we have a responsibility to provide support and encouragement if we want our kids to have the chance to achieve their best.

I'm so tempted to proof-read this advertisment, or at least delete some of the exclamation marks.

I have proof read it and trust me - its quality is such that I would never, in a million years, engage their services!

oh me too Goblinchild

have made do instead with reporting every single post (including ones where she has come straight back when deleted & reposted - cheeky mare)

"Enough with those advertised tutoring agencies- which only take your money for their advantage!"

hahaha

I'm with Roisin and Eviltwins
Your daughter is in Year 10 and therefore already working on stuff for GCSE. So she needs to keep up with her studies and her assignments.
How will you feel when she has not completed her coursework and therefore cannot sit Maths, English, Science or whatever?
You are still her parent and until she shows she can "fly solo" and not many kids can, then you need to be looking over her should every inch of the way.
OK so it spoils the relationship a bit but which would you rather, a few sulks or a daughter who blames you because she hasn't got qualifications for the career she wants?

Well this is intriguing, I have a few points to make, helpful or not I am not sure...

1 My sympathies to you Debjud I have been and still am sort of in a similar position.

2 My philosophy has been that they should learn to manage things for themselves, but if they didn't and the school complained then I would step in and make sure they did the work. This worked fine with DD1 who is now at a good University. We had one phone call home expressing concern that she hadn't done a past paper, but as she had spent the weekend doing one I assumed she had set things straight (and she had). DD2 has been a different story, serious concerns over coursework at GCSE and inadequate or non existent homework in 6th form.

3 My advice would be if the school are complaining then don't worry about your relationship insist she does the homework. Likewise you can't leave it up to her to decide what should be done, although if the school haven't complained you could tell her "well I think you should do it but it is up to you, if the school complains then I will insist". Don't be hoodwinked over coursework, check with the school if you are unsure about what needs to be done, I found it was the last improving exercises that got neglected rather than the bulk of the exercise.

4 I am amazed that so many of you know what homework has been set! Do your children have two week timetables? I find all they put in organisers is "next lesson" which is meaningless to me especially when they have two teachers for some subjects. Or do your DCs actually tell you what is due in? Seeker you and your DD sound incredible, I can't believe that she is willing to do it!

5 Evil Twins your point is interesting, my DD's school seem to be of the opinion that if she hasn't learnt the skills by now, she never will, but you are saying (you have said elsewhere as well) that it is quite commmon for them not to have the skills.

It is not easy is it Debjud when they just think they don't need help?

ds1 (13) has just come a cropper, because he hadn't written in his planner everything he had to get done. (He's usually great and puts in details of homeworks and deadlines.) So he forgot completely about a major project and is now rushed and stressed trying to get everything finished off in time.

It's a good learning experience for him and I think for the next few months he will be better and filling in his planner properly.

At least he has admitted to it, think I as a teenager and DD would have tried to hide the fact.

My DD does not use a planner, she relies on friends to write it down and then she contacts them!