Where does teasing stop and bullying begin?

[mary21]

DS1 year 9 has been in trouble alot lately. He had Asperger's syndrome. He has been fighting, yelling in class at other pupils, and being abusive. He says another boy has been teasing him.+ Insulting me (his mother ) Ds then needs to get his own back and becomes the baddy. What to do. School are aware but most incidents start out of sight. Yesterdays when the teacher lft the class. Any help greatfuly recieved

Bullying is more malicious, done to cause upset and is persistant. I'd say this was bullying. Have you been keeping a diary?

We have just started keeping one. initially we just thought it was ds's lack of coping. Now it seems more than that

There was a little shit in ds's class who was bullying, he ended up telling ds that I was a loser and he'd spent the night with me He's 11!! Ds told the teacher and the boy was almost thrown out. Bullying can be really minor things sometimes aswell, like calling someone 'stupid.' If it's done repeatidly then it chips away as a child's self esteem. If they are told to stop and don't then it's bullying.

I'd make an appointment with the school and get it sorted right away. Is there a counsellor at the school? A teacher who's responsible for pastoral care?

Bullying begins when the teasing no longer makes the victim laugh along with it.

We can all endure different levels of teasing but there comes a point when we have had enough of it - then it's bullying.

Just my view.

This is such a recurrent problem especially with children with Aspergers. You need to speak to the pastoral leader at the school and ask for a support programme to be put in place. I have used a daily record sheet where the child being teased recorded as much of qwhat happened as possible and handed it in at the end of each day. This allowed action to be taken against the child causing the trouble. All teachers need to know there are issues between the two of them so they can keep an eye. Your DS needs somewhere he can go at breaktimes and lunch where the other boy can't get at him.

I also think that the border depends a bit on the character of the target of the bully too.

My two children are very different. One much tougher and able to let things go over his head and can see the bully as an idiot to be ignored. So, the bullying would have to go much further to be bullying with him - probably it would have to be physical - mind you, he would likely hit back even then.

However, my daughter is very soft, and easy to undermine her confidence. It wouldn't take much for her to be bullied. certainly many things which my son could cope with, she couldn't.

So, I think I am saying the borderline depends.

Thanks, thats really helpful.