How would you deal with this: sibling competition.

[Ormirian]

My eldest child is in Yr9. This child has always been quite good at maths and science - and OK at everything else. Not a high flyer. Last parents evening we were told that the last test result for science was a level 7C. We were all pleased and she was proud.

On friday my second child who is in Y7 came home and told me that she had got a level 7C for her latest science test. Two years earlier than her older sibling. In the subject that the older child is meant to be strong in.

How do you deal with this? It wouldn't have been an issue a few years back but recently my eldest child has started to become much more enthusiastic about school and pleased with her results.

The younger child has said nothing to her older sibling as yet.

We get this all the time. My son is two years younger but already at the grades his year 10 sister is getting - and she works like a trojan too!

It's not just school. He always has a lot of relevance to say in day to day conversation. I think children know without seeing grades written down.

She is very proud of her brother but I don't know how we achieved that! It may well be that your younger isn't 7c generally but just on that bit of work which is different but havng that conversation undermines them, so I wouldn't mention that personally.

It is difficult but they are both achieving well and that is what matters overall and I hope they can both see that and the elder be proud of the youngers achievements.

Thanks kez.

They get on together OK but there is already a little jealousy TBH.

My sister and I had similar situation with the same age gap.I did better than her academically without much effort.She even got called my name at school sometimes by teachers which didn't go down well; as didn't becoming head girl on my part.My parents never mentioned the academic side but I'm sure it rankled.

She eventually left after a levels joining a graduate entry management position early and now has a high flying career while I have a more middle of the road professional position.

There is a still a divide between us and I feel she resents that I had things easy with my parents support through university whereas she feels she has worked her socks off to get where she is.We were close as younger siblings so it is a real shame we aren't now.

I think being the older sibling especially if you are the same sex automatically invites comparison by others even if the parents don't mention things.
I would make sure I did some individual activities with the older one such as say science museums if that is her interest,mathematic board games or chess or perhaps a smallpiece residential.We all know academic success isn't the be all and end all but as a child I'm sure anything you compare unfavourably with your sibling at would knock your confidence.

BTW, I don't resent my sister's achievements in her career and am actually very proud of her but I've never felt the need to live up to her and maybe this is the difference.

Thanks upamountain.

My eldest child has quite a good idea of what to do after school. Second child has no idea yet.

upamountain, that link is very interesting.
I clicked on this thread because I have 2 boys 12 and 14. They are both bright but the older one is hugely competitive and particularly shines in certain subjects. he never misses a chance to tell his brother his grades.
DS2 is laid back and his self esteem has suffered in spite of our very best efforts.
He's very keen on science and a course like this could be really good for him.

hi ormirian, my sister and i had a similar issue growing up. it was hard, especially for her as the older one, i think. my parents did a good job of not comparing etc, but can't say the same for other people (mostly teachers!!).

iS there anything the older one is specifically good at, that the younger one isn't/doesn't do? sports, cooking, martial arts, sociable? i would just try to find things that both are separately good at and big them up individually.

Thanks whiteflame.

The eldest is good at certain things (non-academic) that DD isn't interested in. I encourage it as much as I can. He loves skateboarding and is pretty good IMO but sadly that has gone by the board a bit recently

They are in fact different sexes but I have been smacked on the hand before now on MN for seeming to favour DS over DD so I didn't want that getting in the way. kez - interesting to see your two are different sexes too.