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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Do I enter DS for 11+?? Help!!

22 replies

SexDrugsAndSausageRolls · 19/10/2010 23:19

DS is going to secondary school next year and we have until the end of the month to apply to the Council.

There is a grammar school which is 1/2 mile away and a local comp (in our catchment) which is 1 1/2 miles away. They are both marked as 'outstanding' by Ofsted so no worries about the schools at all. DS attends his local primary school which is opposite the comp.

A year ago we attended the Open Evening at the grammar school which DS really liked and so did we. It's the school closest to our house, has small class sizes, is one of the top grammar schools in the country etc etc. So over the past year we've been doing some extra work at home and assessment papers to get him used to what would be expected in the 11+, just a bit extra each week on top of school homework. He's a bright boy and has been getting good marks.

A few months ago DS said he was 50/50 about which school he wanted to go to. We went to the Open Evenings for both schools in September and DS said he was still 50/50. He said he thinks he'd rather go to the local comp because it's familiar (he goes to Stagecoach on a Saturday morning which is held in their drama hall) and because his group of good friends are going there and want him to go too. We've left applying for the 11+ and the Council form until the last minute.

Last week I told a couple of friends and my parents that we didn't think we were going to apply to the grammar school because DS wants to go where his friends are going and they thought we were mad to let an 11 year old decide and that he couldn't possibly know what he wants at this stage. Also that the grammar school is excellent and he stands a good chance of getting in.

I feel very mixed, on the one hand I think he should give it a go rather than give in now and when I suggest that DS says 'OK'. On the other hand, if he gets in and is unhappy there, I will feel very guilty. Do you think his excuse that his friends are going to the local comp is a good enough one? Help!!

OP posts:

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 19/10/2010 23:23

You should do it. If you don't and he decides that he wants to go later on the it will be too late.

Original poster

SexDrugsAndSausageRolls · 19/10/2010 23:26

Thank you belledec.

OP posts:

GrimmaTheNome · 19/10/2010 23:31

If he's happy to give the exam a go, then he should. If he gets a place that may change his view. It'd be a bit of a shame to not bother at this stage after he's put in the work.

I would also suggest you try to get him a tour of the schools in schooltime - can give a very different (more accurate) view than the Open Day.

An 11 year old can know what they want, my DD did but only after those steps, when she really had a full picture.

Original poster

SexDrugsAndSausageRolls · 19/10/2010 23:47

Thanks Grimma. Unfortunately I think it's a bit late to get a tour of the schools in the day as the schools in this area break for half term on Thursday. The forms have to be completed by the end of half term. I just feel that he's very much gone off the idea of the grammar school because none of his group of friends are taking it and he has formed some close friendships at school this year.

OP posts:

seeker · 20/10/2010 06:56

Is the high school oversubscribed? If it isn't, can he take the exam then decide about going to the school later?

flamingtoaster · 20/10/2010 07:00

I am a great believer in keeping options open. If it was me I would let him sit the 11+. I'm sure he will be fine in either school but at this stage I would try to keep both options open.

Gory09 · 20/10/2010 07:01

I would do it. Dd entered two 11+ when we were choosing HS for her. they were not in our catchment so she did not get a place but it gave her a massive confidence boost.

piscesmoon · 20/10/2010 07:05

I would do the exam, then at least you would know if he passed-you don't have to take the place.

Original poster

SexDrugsAndSausageRolls · 20/10/2010 07:39

Thanks everyone, your answers are really helpful.

The local school is very oversubscribed (250 and over approx 700 apply each year), although we are in catchment (just!). From the Council prospectus it looks like everyone in catchment has got in over the past four years. I did ring the Council and ask if DS took the grammar exam (and put the local school as second place) and got in and decided not to take it, would it jeopardise his place at the local school and was told that it probably would.

OP posts:

piscesmoon · 20/10/2010 08:00

I was assuming that he would get a place at the local school if he wanted it-if this is not the case then I would ignore my advice. It needs careful thought first. You need to be fairly sure that he would pass the exam if he took it.

PrettyCandles · 20/10/2010 08:01

We're in a similar situation, though we've got longer because ds is in Y5. He also said that he wanted to go to the school where most of his friends would go. I told him, as gently and matter-of-fact as possible, that that could not be a consideration.

Although most of his year group will go to the local comp, one of his closer friends is likely to go to a girls' school, another to a Catholic school, a third to a stage school, and so on. Even those who go to the comp will make up only about 1/6th of the intake, and will be distributed throughout the 7 forms in the yeargroup, so he would not ne essarily see them in any case.

He understands and accepts this.

Original poster

SexDrugsAndSausageRolls · 20/10/2010 08:05

Thanks pisces.

Just to clarify, if we put the grammar school first and the local school second - and DS takes the exam and fails then he would get a place at the local school. If he takes the exam and passes, the Council will offer us that place and his place at the local school will be offered to someone else.

OP posts:

piscesmoon · 20/10/2010 08:09

That seems much fairer. I would talk it over very seriously with your DS and try and get him to see that what is most important at 11 isn't necessarily the most important later e.g. my cousin deliberately failed his 11+ to be with his friends and really regrets it now.

Original poster

SexDrugsAndSausageRolls · 20/10/2010 09:33

Thanks prettycandles. Yes you have a good point about the size of the local school. About 40 children from DS's school will be going to the local school out of 278 places (thought it was 250 but just checked) so only approx 1/7 of the pupils are from his school. They are all split up into different tutors so he may not see them anyway.

I just wish he was a little more enthusiastic as he was last year. I don't want to send the grammar school application in and feel like a pushy mum.

OP posts:

Hullygully · 20/10/2010 09:39

Unfortunately whichever one you choose will have good bits and bad bits, and he will have good days and bad. And whichever one you choose, even if it's his choice too, it will ALL BE YOUR FAULT on those bad days, because either you should have let him go the comp, or you should have made him go to the grammar.

So don't worry too much, you can't win either way.

pinkjello · 20/10/2010 09:44

Is there really nobody else in his class applying to the grammar? I'm not being accusatory just surprised that with an excellent grammar school closer than the comp then parents of other bright kids in his class are not considering the grammar route.

I remember starting secondary and clinging onto my primary school friends for about a day. By the end of the first half term most people had made new friends from different schools.

How do the facilities compare? What is the general ethos at each school? Some comps are fantastically forward thinking with great facilities. Would this describe yours?

Original poster

SexDrugsAndSausageRolls · 20/10/2010 10:03

Thanks Hully, yes it's good to stand back and look at the bigger picture. I know we have all the teenage years shortly ahead of us. I am a worrier by nature so hence why I'm pondering the whole thing so much.

Thanks pinkjello - there are 45 children in his class at primary school and I know 4 boys who are trying for the grammar school although there must be a few more too. He knows all those boys but they are not in his group of 5 close friends. Yes I can't understand why there aren't more trying for the exam too. His local comp have a 'gifted and talented' programme so I know some of the parents think their children will be fine there if they excel. We live at the very end of the catchment area for the local comp which is very close to the grammar school. We moved recently and are now out of the catchment area for DS's primary school, all his primary friends live a stone's throw from the school, so about 2 miles from the grammar school. Still very close when you consider that many of the boys will be going to the school by bus or train.

To be honest the local comp is an excellent school, is forward thinking, and has been offered academy status, which it is in the process of considering.

OP posts:

Original poster

SexDrugsAndSausageRolls · 20/10/2010 12:55

Thanks again everyone. Your views and comments have been really helpful. Am going to have a final chat with DS tonight and have his grammar school application ready to take in tomorrow. x

OP posts:

mattellie · 20/10/2010 14:55

I believe in giving 11-year-olds a say, but not the final say IYKWIM, and I don?t think where friends are going should be a deciding factor ? after all, how many of us have all the same friends we had at primary school?

I think you?re right to go for it.

1234ThumbScrew · 20/10/2010 15:00

My dd started grammar school in September, the majority of the children in her class went to the local high school. She was one of 5 going to the grammar school including one girl she was good friends with. She's made so many new friends that she's hardly spent any time with the primary school girls and vica versa. I wouldn't be swayed by the thought that he'd have no friends if he got in.

I would go for it. If you have the same system as we do you find out if he passed before you make your selection, so you can cross that bridge if he passes.

Original poster

SexDrugsAndSausageRolls · 20/10/2010 20:30

Thanks mattellie and 1234, I'm feeling positive again and that it's the right thing to do. Have had a chat with DS and he seems more positive tonight too.

Thanks everyone. x

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OneMoreMum · 20/10/2010 21:45

If you're on the edge of the comp's catchment and it's an outstanding school then you'd be mad not to also apply for the grammar. If the number of applicants for the comp are slightly higher this year you might not get a place and if you've not applied for the grammar would you be happy with the next nearest option?

Even if you decide the comp is for you, I'd still have the grammar as second choice for back-up.

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