If you/both of you work, have you dropped all childcare once your children hit secondary school?

[foxinsocks]

Just wondering really

I have a dd who will start secondary school in September but have a younger ds who will still need childcare for another 2 years.

Did you drop childcare once all your children hit secondary school or did you keep some sort of arrangement on?

Are you thinking your 11 year old will take the place of a carer?
I kept what I had in place, but it wasn't costing me anything. DD was home alone from summer term Y7.
DS we kept up the arrangement through to Y9. His choice, he walks to his grandmother's house and then home when I'm back.

No, I don't think that would be fair on her. Also ds does 1 thing during the week that requires someone to take him (either on public transport or by car). We also come back too late to leave them alone for that long (at their current ages).

That's interesting that ds chose to carry on with it. I can see mine perhaps wanting a similar thing but we have to pay! I am trying to work out in my head the best way to handle it but it's all a few years off still. It's just an important factor in thinking about what our outgoings (and incomings) will potentially be like in 2 years time (and also the welfare of the kids).

I've now got one in the first year of secondary and one in the top year of primary. The younger one will go to childcare as before this year. I sometimes leave her alone for an hour or two, but not for whole days.

The older one I would like some kind of supervision for, but I'm a bit stuck on that one and she will get left alone for the first time this half-term, for 3 days out of her two weeks. I'm taking 5 days leave to cover the rest (I work 4 days a week).

To be honest I think my older child is mature enough to be left alone, but will get bored if it's for days/weeks on end. And I don't fancy leaving them alone together very much - sibling fighting!

To me, that would depend on age and general circumstances of children. I kept dd at childminders for the first year of secondary as she is disabled; with ds we will stop the childminder arrangement when he goes up to secondary: he is less disabled than dd and she will be at hand to help him. If the question of disability had not come into it, I think we might have dropped the childminder for dd when she started secondary and for ds when he started yr 5 or 6: I am sure at 13, dd would have been fine looking after her 9/10yo brother- in fact, I did let them go into town together when they were both well enough; he doesn't require much looking after.

I agree it depends very much on the child. A number of parents with early teenage dc have also told me that they think it is very important that parents or some other adult is around alot as it seems that this is a critical age where things can start going wrong.

again, depends on child

my parents trusted me alone in a hotel in a foreign city for a long weekedn at 16- and they were right to do so; but you could easily see how that decision could have been totally wrong for some families ....

and of course depends on what hours you work, how much you interact at other times, what influences they might be exposed to etc

my db and SIL let their 10yo leave after school club and stay at home in the afternoons (not in the UK) and it was totally the right thing for him- but might not have been for some other child

yy norflondoner - I agree that having an adult around at the end of the school day would be important for a new Y7. This is when new routines are established which really help to shape the kind of experience students have at school.

we changed our arrangements a few years ago from a daily nanny to a daily housekeeper (afternoons only) when our youngest was in yr 5. this worked because the school opened a breakfast club so we could do the drop off and one of the housekeepers responsibilities was to collect her from school.

this worked well for us because there is an adult in the house and the children get fed but we also get the cleaning and laundry done - neither of which were part of a nanny's job description. the children are old enough to sort themselves out on the whole and get their homework done etc.

I dropped it all when DH started teaching again. DD walked DS#2 home from primary and DH was home 30 mins after that. Now she's also in secondary DH picks DS#2 up from the school office a little late.

This is a really tricky age. I work (roughly) school hours so no change termtime weekdays.

When eldest in Y7 & Y8 holiday childcare continued to be mix of holiday club (which continued to take dc's of this age, though there were fewer of them), grandparents and dh and I taking odd days off.

the past year (dd Y9, dsY6) was a nightmare. Both announced too old for holiday club. Grandparents getting older but stil having them for short periods. This summer I left dd in charge of ds for several days and I was not happy - arguments, sulking, boredom, house in a mess at end of day you name it. We both commute (1.5hrs away) so just can't pop back to check. DD resentful that she was not paid as apparently some of her friends are paid to look after younger siblings . Had words.

Now both Y10 and Y7. DH and I able to cover half term, christmas and poss feb half term, next crunch time will be easter hols and just hoping they have matured and learnt from experience.

We got au pairs for this stage as our DCs were 5 years apart. We had 4 different au pauirs over 5 years. Worked well as we treated our au pairs like daughters. We do not live in a huge house but we managed.

This will be my dilemma, so very interested in everyone's views, too.
I think we will need childcare, but she won't want to be 'babysat' with younger DC.

goblin - was that during the school holidays as well with your DD from YR7?

It's a position I'm probably going to find myself in with DS1 and I have to confess despite already giving him some indepdence (going to the shop, walking to school, staying at home while I pop to the shop with his brothers) I'm already a little nervous of him being home alone for long periods when the time comes (got 2yrs to go before we get to that stage)

We have had a similar arrnagement to Mrs Wobble - nanny/housekeeper (a lady in her 60s) 3 afternoons a week. She used to collect DD2 & DS from primary school, then just DS, now she just comes in at 3.30 , does cleaning, laundry & cooks tea for the kids.

In the holidays, she used to come in & take them out for the day (away from computers)

DS is now in yr 9, DD2 in 6th form and DD1 is at uni. So in the holidays she generally only comes in one day to do housework & otherwise if DCs need to be driven to activities. We still use her termtime, but it is a luxury really, as DCs don't need supervision, so it's really meals that is the issue. However, they could either make themselves a sandwich or wait until we get home for meals. We will probably stop having her next year (& teach kids to cook).

One of the local state secondary schools has a timetable that runs from 8:30 to 5:30 and although it sounds exhausting I've got to admit I'm tempted.

'goblin - was that during the school holidays as well with your DD from YR7?'

I'm a teacher, so I was home by 5. School holidays usually coincided.
As I said, I was in a particularly good position with a mother who loves my children, enjoys spending time with them and with whom I have an excellent relationship.
DS still adores his grandparents and drops in often. DD can't as she's at Uni.
I think it's great that you are planning ahead OP.

oh I see - so you didn't have to worry too much about school holidays.

I'm not really worried about after school - he's just turned 10 (so YR5) and is getting his own front door key as soon as I remember to go to town to have one cut so that when I'm busy gossiping on the way back from picking DS2 up from infants he can let himself in.

It's the school holidays I'm worried about - 12 (he's s September birthday so will turn 12 just after he starts seniors) just seems so young for being on his own in the school holidays

I know, it's a really tricky age.
My mum did all the sick days, dentist and doctor stuff that I couldn't. Plus plays and daytime school stuff that I co
Teaching is great for the school holidays, but no flexibility for sudden emergencies at all.

I think it's important for a Y7 to have someone around - also for the ferrying aspect! I think au pairs are ideal for this age (and you can pick someone to help with French/German/Spanish HW!).

It's the homework aspect that#s tricky too. I seemed to spend an awful lot of time in Y7&8 getting dd to do hers, and checking it was done. Got her act together in Y9 and I don't even check now.

Now ds has started Y7 again I spend fair part of evenings and weekends checking he has got stuff, one hour nagging, 5 mins of his doing it (possibly to minimum standard) and then flaking back in the sofa, exhausted.

So whatever you do you may need to factor in how your dcs deal with this

DS2 goes to kids club two evenings per week as I work until 4.30pm. When he goes to secondary next September he will let himself in (along with his brother who is in Yr9 now) - DS1 lets himself in now.

lol grunge at the expectation of being paid!

MrsWobble, the housekeeper situation sounds ideal - we have been thinking about that but not sure when we would make that switch and if we'd find someone. We did have a cursory look last year and found nothing (which I thought was odd). But essentially, the thought of having someone in the house who was basically cleaning and cooking just for those hours in the afternoon would be perfect in a couple of years and it would mean a substantial drop in the cost of 'childcare' and someone would actually do some cleaning that wasn't me! Hooray!

Unfortunately, we have no family near and both dh and I work full time.

I fully take on board your comments about year 7 - I think that will be especially important for us as dd is an August child so I think will find year 7 quite daunting to be honest. Even the headmaster said to us that the first couple of months are so important for them settling in and getting in with a group of friends.

So I imagine we will have to keep on the full time childcare next year as ds, who will be in year 5 (but he is old for his year and quite mature), will definitely need someone ferrying him around for another school year and that will cover dd's year 7.

But then we will revise that when he is in yr6 and dd yr8. They will need someone around I think as I can't really guarantee being home before 7pm and dh comes back later than me. Part of me feels a bit sorry for ds as dd would have had the benefit of a full time childcarer for far longer but perhaps that's what happens when you're the youngest .

We couldn't fit an au pair in our house sadly - it would mean ds and dd would have to share a room and I imagine that wouldn't go down too well.

yes Goblin, I know teachers get the benefit of school holidays, but goodness knows how you manage anything in term time!

it is a tricky thing to sort out isn't it. I think because of the time we come back, there really isn't any way we could leave them on their own together that long till ds is at least in secondary school himself.

I do love the stories about the housekeeper type roles and how well they've worked out. I really will keep that in mind.