DS1 has just revealed to me today that he's being bullied, how do I deal with it

[shinyshoes]

This has been going on for a few weeks apparently.

This year 10 boy has been saying to him 'you need to bring in £1.50 otherwise i'll kick your head in'
He has been giving 'one last chance' to bring in money for this boy tomorrow.

This boy puts him up against the wall everyday to threaten him

How do I go about dealing with this.

Ds1 is scared he thinks he is going to have his mates beat him up

My DD1 is year 9

Sorry DS1 is year 9

Yes - ring the school and speak to the Head of Year or Pastoral Leader (whichever they have). This needs stopping immediately. Make sure you find out the name(s) of all involved.

If this is happening on the way home, I would be inclined to appear at the place it happens beforehand and walk home with ds. That will give the message that you know, and they will realise that you know.

I would also keep your ds off school tomorrow until you have spoken to the HoY first, or take him in with you and sit in the HoYs office until it can be sorted.

It's not a joking matter, but you have to admire the stupidity of the beetle-browed that they're willing to risk serious consequences from the school in exchange for £1.50.

It's a straight-forward threat of violence. You can be sure that the school won't take it seriously (in my experience, "blame the victim" otherwise known as "No Blame" is rife, which means the Head of Year will say that it's your son's fault and he needs to be nicer to the bully, and will convene a meeting to humiliate your son in front of the bully's friends - if you want proof that schools operate as though morality and the law is an optional extra, read a "No Blame" policy and weep.

So the school is highly unlikely to do anything effective. Your son has been threatened with violence and presumably knows the name of the offender. Go to the police. You'll be wasting your time at the school, as most schools deny there is any bullying and then pander to the offender.

IMO, the school will react far worse if you don't at least give them the chance to deal with it! And I suspect the first thing the police will ask is what the school are doing about your complaint! You absolutely MUST get the name of the DS concerned!

Whilst I am sure there are instances such as tokyo has obviously unfortunately encountered, I think that by and large, one needs to involve the school first and foremost. By all means drop the concept of police intervention into teh conversation you have- maybe along the lines of 'Well, Mrs 'x', how should we proceed? Do you think it's a matter I should go to the police about? What would you advise?'.

If that fails, get DH or a male friend to go to the boy's house and 'suggest' he might like to desist!

Please give the school the opportunity to respond first, and do not approach the bully directly. If you do, then you (or your DH), could find themselves in serious trouble legally.
I am surprised this is being suggested.

In our (limited) experience, when DS2 was hit on one occasion, the school took it very seriously indeed. Photos were taken of the (minor) injury, and statements from DS and his classmates were given to the HoY.
DH and I were phoned immediately, and it was explained to us what steps the school were taking to deal with this behaviour, and asked if I wanted to involve the police. So the school responded very well and very quickly.

Ask the school if they operate a "No Blame" bullying policy. If so, go to the police, as they will blame your son for having the temerity to upset the poor bully, whose problems have to be understood in a wider context.

Otherwise, other posters might be right. But the second you're asked to understand the problems the bully has, go to the police. It's simply not acceptable to tolerate bullying, but too many schools do.

www.kidscape.org.uk/press/archive/131200NoBlameReasons.shtml

www.bullying.co.uk/index.php/schools/general/bullying-policies.html

"OUR EXPERIENCE OF THIS METHOD: This strategy has been described to us by parents as "the school doing nothing". Where particular bullying policies are mentioned in complaints to this charity this is the one that causes most concern. Parents tell us that the bullying has continued and that they don't understand why the bullies continue to "get away with it."

Together with our friends at Kidscape, who have also had numerous complaints about this method, we have made representations to the DCSF and in 2005 Prime Minister Tony Blair said he was shocked bullies were not being blamed for their behaviour and that they should be punished."

Kidspace are good on bullying. I see that tokyonambu tried to link to their webpage (I think?) but perhaps a look at that might be useful, and you could 'phone them in the morning, maybe.

One thing, get your son to start recording these incidents in a diary. One if it stops then restarts he has a record of the first lot of incidents. Secondly it can be used as evidence by the police.

Otherwise, its the obvious let the school know. If it is happening outside school, try and pick him up, or make sure he gets to and from school safely, maybe some other way.

OP, any better news today?

sorry for the delay on an update.

I went in to his school. VERY early as not to be fobbed off with 'she's teaching and will phone you later garb' anyhoo.

The Head of House was very suprised when I told her the boys name. She actually commented on how she thought HE might be the one being bullied by another and it's having some sort of knock on effect.

She has told me it's going to be dealt with (it has) , she is giving that particular year group a special assembly on bully and consequences of those that bully and what help there is for those that are being bullied. She said she won't name and shame but the boy will know that the assembly is a result of what he's done.
She assures me there will be SEVERE consequences for the boy and any of his friends that intimdate my DS1 as a result of him coming to me and me going into the school.
I am to phone her the minute anything happens , if he comes home and says its started again etc.
So far it's all been ok

She wouldn't tell me the punishment he has recieved, but assures me he is being punished she told me 'we don't put up with that sort of thing' He is apparently remorseful.

Thanks again ladies