Y7 newbie DS: I think I may have over- reacted!

[ampere]

DS1, day 2 today, seems to be fine at his new secondary. Oh, apart from the fact 3 lots of homework (2 days worth!) has taken the whole family 3 hours to complete! It was exercise book covering and I do feel that seeing as they have to look at these books every week for a year they want to do it properly and -ahem- nicely, hence MAKING him think about what he was doing.

Anyway, casually this afternoon he mentioned that another boy, ex of his primary whom he sort of knows (DS only did Y6 at said primary) asked DS if he could use DS's locker to store his PE kit. And I've gone off on one, a bit! Thing is, I know I'd've liked DS to ask why this other DS didn't have his own locker (lost key? (already??), forgotten key? Lack of foresight in ordering his own locker?); How long he proposed to leave his kit in there; I pointed out we pay £25 for this sodding locker; it isn't that big and is rapidly filling (with DS's PE kit as much as anything!) but by the end of my 'Why you should have said NO' rant I was citing fellow Y10s, when he's a Y10- hiding knives there etc!

I should point out that DS1 is small and not particularly 'street'.

I settled on an 'assertiveness versus aggression versus compliance' lecture. But I banged on for 20 minutes! No sound-bites here, I'm afraid!

... and breathe.

Yep, that was definately an over-reaction

You just want them to stick up for themselves, but he could be making friends with this lad? I would suggest he gives it a week, then says he needs the room for his rugby boots or whatever. My DS was prone to forgetting stuff, and as lockers are a new concept to most Yr7s he may just have forgotten his key and only needs the space for a day?

Save the sweat for the big stuff :)

Oh, and I am gla I am not the only Mum to have single handedly covered all her sons books

What about when he's in Y11 and his locker is being used to store crack cocaine?

I think you majorly over reacted.

Oh, and my DS says says thanks to your DS for letting him store his PE kit....was a great help when he forgot his key today.

CRACK COCAINE lynette? I thought it was just a footy kit !

And 'forgot his key' on Day 2?.. Impressive...

Oh dear...

At least you didn't ring the school and rant at the receptionist about it

I work in a Secondary school and the classic one is about lunchtime and what their child is buying. Can we sit with said child and make sure that they have purchased a lunch rather than 3 brownies. Err no, it is secondary school and the students need to make their own informed choices.

You over reacted. Also he should have covered his books, Perhaps help him but let him do most of it.

bellavita - that made me remember when ds had his trial day at secondary. Didn't like pizza or spag bol and didn't like the toppings for the jacket potatoes. So, instead of asking for a plain potato he bought 2 cookies!!! I sent him with a packed lunch when he started .

Christ that's a lot of homework, mine had bugger all throughout year 7 - he used to get more in Primary! He's in yr 8 now and doing 'cooking' next week, I asked if he had a list of ingredients and he told me they needed bread, tomato and chicken slices as they are making sandwiches!! WTF happened to good old cheese & potato pie???

To be fair, covering exercise books isn't exactly homework in the traditional sense, is it? Also, I have no idea how many books you were covering for it to take three hours and the involvement of the whole family! DS's books are covered too but they only take a couple of minutes each to cover in sticky-back plastic. I think you majorly over-reacted on him allowing another boy to share his locker as well. The kid forgot his key - it's one day, not the whole year. Presumably your son is never going to forget his key/bus pass/homework/money?

I can't cover books, discovered this when son was in year 7. He does them himself, I actually realise my mum always did it for me (I am dyspraxic).

Most schools let them in gently, my DD doesn't get H/W formally until 20th.

Jees.....over reaction indeed.

My daughter - year 10 - came home today and had forgotton her keys this morning. She didn't worry because she knew a mate would let her use hers! These things are good, they are reality, they help build social children!

It's the first time she has forgotton her key at the school......3 whole years. It happens to the most organised of children and even more to the disorganised.

One of my daughters friends, a really clever girl who forgets anything tangible, often uses my daughters locker. She says she is her PA!

Homework - help a bit but let them take ownership of it. They have to do it eventually (usually because it gets too difficult for us!)

Woah! Stop with the hw right now! I mean it. Step away from the homework. If you are supervising him now you will be heading for nervous exhaustion by the time GCSEs loom. Please. Be TOLD!

OKAY.

Couple of things, folks!

DS1 isn't currently allowed on the computer that's connected to the printer as it contains a lot of confidential stuff SO I need to be sitting besides DS when he selects which pictures he wants to print off to put on his A4 exercise books! (the school, oddly, aren't big on the need for the DC's to have computer access at home). Then we have the issue of the printer running out of ink. Then we have a compatibility issue WITH the printer. Then we can't open the photo file where the pictures ARE (home pics). Then we have resizing issues... and so it goes on. We got better at it as the week progressed. DS chooses the pictures, cuts them out appropriately, designs where he wants them and sticks them on himself. So I'm hardly 'doing his homework for him', am I?

And seriously, can your DC handle a sheet of clear sticky plastic A4 x 2 sized unaided??

The school set 2 subjects a night, every night ('induction day' (1) plus 2 full school-days have so far yielded 6 tasks, 3 of covering books, 2 of poster design and production, one of getting a form signed and a cheque enclosed (here we go!). Originally we were told each piece of homework is set over at least 2 days 'to allow for out of school activities like Scouts...'. But so far it's all been 2 days, so Tuesday's 2 pieces are due on Thursday, Wednesday's 2 pieces are due Friday, Thursday's are due in on Monday, THEN we will have the w/e homework tonight! So he HAS to do the equivalent of 2 pieces of homework every night which might be 3 pieces one night, one the next etc.

So believe me, he already knows about the need to get home and sit down!

Next, The Locker.

Transpires the other DS did fully intend to continue using DS's locker from here on! Yesterday he asked DS for his key so he could get a duplicate made! Quite put out when DS refused AND told him he needed to make his own arrangements! I am proud of DS for asking the DS concerned WHY he needed to use another child's locker (should have asked on Day One, but there you go!) and for setting a reasonable deadline (next PE lesson next week.). Apparently this lad was going to share his older brother's locker (Y11) which is about 1/4 of a mile away but couldn't be bothered to walk over there!

Also you are using words like 'mate' and 'friend'. This boy isn't either to DS, he's just another kid from his primary, one with a friendship group of his own!

Oh, should had added:

Yes, I know I over-reacted in the whole 'guns'n'knives'n'crack cocaine (someone else's suggestion, that!)' thing.

I don't regret the 'assertiveness versus aggression versus compliance' talk but it should have been 5 minutes, not 20

However, in light of events, I am sort of glad we had it now!

Oh dear...

Assertive v aggression v compliance chat ALWAYS essential IMVHO - and no such thing as overstating .

But he is 11 years old. Jeez. My 4 year old can cope with sticky backed plastic . You will need to LEAVE HIM ALONe to make his OWN mistakes. Doesn't matter if the books are covered craply or in a page from Heat magazine. Really. It's just a pointless homework task so the teachers can tick that they have set homework. In a month he probably won't have any (apart from making a couple of posters now and again - which you should let HIM do).

The school may not have said the kids need computer access, but it will make life a lot easier if he does. Just trust me.

You can't require pupils to have it, because even with government grants some pupils parents just won't have the ability (to fill in the form) to get access (even if the government covers the cost). But use of the internet is highly desirable, and more and more schools are using learning platforms for homework. (Never mind being able to access things like past exam papers etc.)

Thanks, but oddly the school really don't push computing! Annoyingly so! No on-line homework support here, no dedicated ICT in Y7, hand written coursework. The Head more or less said that whilst the school acknowledge the need for computer literacy they feel that wholesale adoption of I.T. can mask under-performance, a triumph of style over substance.

The school concerned is academically very sound, so I must bow to the Head's superior judgement and ability to Get On With It as he has the runs on the board, but....

one way in which they achieve such success is via a homework commitment. It absolutely won't let up in a month, but will begin to get beyond me! I most certainly won't be sitting down DOING DS's Spanish or Maths homework because that is something he has to master for himself, a fact he well knows. However, applying sticky backed plastic to exercise books in order to help him achieve a pleasing and durable result is hardly going to reduce his GCSE chances, is it?!

oh gosh, no. That particular homework just sounded pointless for both of you.

Though... i suspect you rather enjoyed doing sticky backed plasticking... in which case knock yourself out!

But in general, yes, just let him get on with it...

Uh oh - what IS the "Assertive v aggression v compliance" chat? What advice should I have given my new yr7? Do you mean along the lines of "Be nice but don't let them walk all over you"? Help!

Well, tbh I give that chat to my nursery-going 4 year old. So chances are if they've got to Year 7 and you haven't, they don't need it!

Acanthus - my feeling would be that the reason you don't know what I'm talking about is because you haven't encountered the need! And I see I 'x' posted with Adair!

What it means is basically you need to stand up for yourself in a polite but firm, definite way. You mustn't become aggressive (esp if you, like DS1, are on the third centile for height/weight and a bit passive!) but you mustn't allow yourself to be a doormat.

IMO most 'ishooz' can be nipped in the bud. The bully will -sadly- move onto his next victim if you (as the child) make it clear you aren't about to become it.