At my wit's end with bullying and son's school problems

[severena]

Sorry, this is a right old saga.

I am a long-term poster who has name changed and may change details to avoid being recognised.

my son goes into Yr8 next week. And I am feeling sick and anxious on his behalf already.
He had a rocky start to school after failing to get a place at any of the schools his friends went to. He was reasonably popular at primary. he is very sure of his own sense of being.
Anyway, 99 per cent of the other kids in Yr7 came with a bihg possee of kids who went to their primary school.
ds is a little quirky, very funny, very bright but has a few learning difficulties. Outside of school he makes friends pretty quickly and has some very long-standing friends.
But at secondary, he doesn't seem to have clicked with the herd. he has maybe 3 friends. He claims all the other kids hate hime. they call him a gay prick, because he has long hair. He says there is a private FB page for the Yr 7s called something along the lines of ''Our class rocks (except for X)'' :(
He says that he tries to keep himself to himself but he is followed round and jeered at and tormented. I have seen kids jeer at him in town.
he says he will not change his appearance in order to be popular. He says if it wasn't his appearance, it would be his taste in music (which is different to the herd) or something else.

I have just overheard him talking to his best mate (Who isn't at this school) and I just want to cry. His mate cannot understand why anyone would hate him. His mate is Mr Popularity at his school.

My son told his friend there was no point in telling anyone at school what is happeneing as, and I quote: ''what will they do? Call an assembly, talk about bullying and nothing will change. If it was one or two kids, they might get into trouble, but it is the whole school. Everyone hates me''

He has had a terrible year at school, becoming more and more demoralised and alienating himself from teachers, who now think he is surly and unco-operative.

I have obviously tried to talk to him, and made it clear that our house is open to anyone he wants to bring home for food/hang out etc...

I have even asked him to call childline, but he says talking about it makes him feel worse. he says there is one teacher who he might feel ok talking to at school, but he wouldn't talk to him, because he says it will make things far far worse.

what the hell do I do?

I can't change schools as the other schools are all selective, except for one, which is over subscribed and we are not in catchment for (though the catchment changes yearly)

And I can't home ed, as we can barely afford to make ends meet with both of us working.

I have another child who goes into yr 5 next week, who is also a bit quirky, and I cannt bear the thought of hime going through all this shit in 2 years time.

Please, please someone tell me what I can do?
I can't change my son's personality, can I?

oh god, the storm has broken - he realised it's back to school this week :( Cue misery, railing and him being vile to all and sundry.

Can you speak to your boss about taking some time out until you find other arrangements?

I was bullied, I remember how he feels, and bullying is nastier these days than it was when I was young. He's got one childhood. I lost a part of mine because of bullying and I will walk over hot coals so that none of mine do.

Sorry spirit mum but if you speak to any parent they will probably tell you their child is quirky and different. My DD went through a Hannah Montanna stage and is very much an individual, who likes what she likes and won't be dictated to by others, her friends are all very different as well, one of her bf is a heavy metal loving emo, whereas the other is a light and fluffy type, all very intelligent girls who have their own quirks.

DS had a very miserable year &, due to being bullied by the other two boys he went with from his primary. He was the butt of their jokes. He also sounded very much like Tabliope sond. He was incerdibly mature for his age and was in the 6th form electronics club, teachers loved him as well, still do. DS was so upset about everything he told me he didn't want any friends and kept himself to himself.

The school does take facebook bullying very seriously and the boys ended up in huge trouble because they set up a page about another boy.

At the time everybody told children like ds tend to find their friendship group in year 9 and low and behold in year 9 he has found a group of friends at school, who have gone on to introdous him to people from other schools and scout groups etc and he now has lots of friends and a very active social life.

You may be right, Bruffin! That certainly fits with our dd1. But with dd2 her teacher has told us she'd never taught another child like her because she is so 'quirky' (and she's been teaching 40 yrs) and both the school and us to feel there is a bit of a 'square peg, round hole' thing going on. Don't know what to do about that to be frank.

So glad that things have worked out for your boy.

There is a book called Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli which is all about non-conformity It's a beautiful story and one of my DD's favorites.